Thanks… some top-quality STW responses there and plenty of STW mirth there too. Has cheered me up a tad.. 🙂

We were really close, best friends, soul-mates and everything else, through some formative years. But like some suggested – I must’ve broken it off for a reason. I needed to be able to roam free, something I’m still doing, 11 years now after we broke up. 38 now and I still haven’t quite managed to settle down with anyone just yet. It doesn’t mean that looking back isn’t sometimes tinged with regret.

I’d love to get in touch and tell her I’m really happy for her, but hey, I guess that might not work out well in reality. I guess we probably burn bridges for a reason, eh..

We were really close, best friends, soul-mates and everything else, through some formative years. But like some suggested – I must’ve broken it off for a reason. I needed to be able to roam free, something I’m still doing, 11 years now after we broke up. 38 now and I still haven’t quite managed to settle down with anyone just yet. It doesn’t mean that looking back isn’t sometimes tinged with regret.

EDIT: I see this a little more complicated, now I’ve bothered to read the thread. 😆 My advice would be not to live in the past and measure other people you meet up against her, you can love different people for different reasons.

I’ve solved this problem by only ever having one partner my whole life.

Me too – I avoid problems with exes by not having any 😉

Social media and more importantly the relationships that it can spawn, is thought to be cited in over 30% of divorce cases..

When I first got on facebook I contacted a few old friends (a couple of them were old flames too but I’ve always found it’s just a tiny bit saner to refer to folk from your past as old friends)

It was good to catch up, and I even hooked up with one or two for a pint.. no romances came of it and I’m glad, and I even have one or two very close friends as a result

I think getting yourself in a lather about having those thoughts and feelings is totally unnecessary.. We all have fond memories and it’s good that we can go back and revisit those times to see what pieces are left to pick up

I’d love to get in touch and tell her I’m really happy for her, but hey, I guess that might not work out well in reality

just get on with it, drop her a line and say hello.. what are you imagining could go wrong!?

The last thing she might have communicated to me was something about not wanting us to be in contact anymore… and I’ve completely respected that since then. We were on-off friends-with-occasional-benefits for a few years after we broke up and I think it was probably doing her head in.

Probs best just to let things lie.. I’m glad she’s happy now.

Do You Know Why?
Yes I do. It is because she was a filthy little minx who enjoyed spending a disproportionate amount of time doing indescribable things in bed…….

Got an email address, by any chance?

I came home from work last week to find a dvd on the coffee table entitled ‘London with other girl’ That sounds shite I thought, what an odd name for a movie.

Yep, it was a dvd of photographs from me and my ex having a cracking time (hotel and all) in London about 8 years ago, cleaned the house and got the dinner on in time for the current Mrs Scandal returning from work later that night 😳

Don’t leave that kind of shit about the place is my advice.

^^ Confused.

You had the DVD, left it lying around, the current Mrs found it, watched it and left it on the table ?

The DVD was on a DVD holder that contained approx 15 disks of mostly old shit and terrible old albums, she was having one of her random clear outs and was looking at what was on these disks, she helpfully labelled said disk and left it on the table for me to see when I got home, hence my initial confusion regarding the title.

Remind yourself of all the negative stuff about them if you were the one to split up then shouldn’t be a problem. I’m often thinking, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

The only ex I still think about was hardly an ex, as I only saw her for a few weeks.
I think the reason I romanticise is the fact that we never got past the honeymoon period. She did have bad breath mind.

It was me that ended it

For a bloke to end something with a girl its usually because he wasn’t ready for something/not the right time or it just wasn’t right.

With time you can forget the negs if the girl wasn’t beserk/just normal and thus think back ‘what if’..

Most of my ex’s never really seem to leave my head either

Why should they? They are part of your life experiences, your memories.

Memories and experiences are what makes us. Nothing wrong with an occassional dip into the back catalogue whilst having a hand-shuffle either.

One thing though- DONT look them up. Leave the past the past. All my ex’s will have children now. All the girls I fancied, all the girls I nearly did.

Keep your memories and look forward.

Any time going backwards including social media is doomed to cut into your mental time living Now. This will close you off to new relationship opportunities and ultimately hollow you out from the inside so you’re looking at life through a foggy filter. Like hanging on to old prescription glasses. Bin them! Live in the present, in the very second that is happening. Then you will make new friendships with people that are compatible with the clear-thinking, uncluttered you. There is every chance that you will develop new life-changing bonds with people that you can explore as you grow in confidence to *be* who you are, ie not looking back or forward, just being. It is powerful stuff once the shackles are dropped. Memories are sometimes painful, but good memories shouldn’t be turned ‘bad’ because you moved on. Accept your decision fully.

I often scoffed at ‘self-help’ books, but can’t recommend Tolle’s ‘The Power Of Now’ highly enough. In fact you’ve just reminded me to read it again, thanks!

OP, as others have probably said – you’ve made the first step by admitting the problem, which is great – yet be careful as lengthy focus about the ‘problem’ risks giving it too much headspace which in turn runs a risk of steering you in circles. As long as you are focused on being who you are right now, not looking for someone to ‘complete’ you, then you’re off and living again! The best relationships (of all types) always seem to happen around the time you are most comfortable being you.

I guess we probably burn bridges for a reason, eh..

Yes! But standing on the bank looking back at the remains isn’t part of that deal. Grass always (hopefully) looked greener after a fire. While you pacing around and around in that same spot simply muddies up your side.

You left the bridge, now it’s time to leave the riverbank…and keep walking.

Ok my numerous, excessive cheesy analogies are messing up this place, time for me too to move on 😀

Cheers… some sage advice right there 😀 (Even from hora 😯 ) 😉

I have heard of the Power of Now, been meaning to read it for some years. Will have to look it up.

Anyway. I don’t ‘let go’ of my ex’s. They live downstairs. Its soundproofed too 😯

I let go of my ex.

Luckily it was recorded as an accidental rock climbing accident 🙂

The one I look back on and think ‘what if’ isn’t an ex at all, as we were never an item. Our paths crossed for a few days and we just ‘clicked’. There was definately something there on both sides, others around noticed the chemistry. At the time we were both in relationships so nothing happened. It was the days before social media / mobile phones / prevelant e-mail and we very quickly lost touch. Now I’m married with kids, it’s probably best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Damn this thread! It’s making me curious… 😕

Um, still in touch with my last 3, all amicable, not that I’d dabble now but in between GFs there were a few booty calls. is that wrong

It is, because even if one of the parties says its just fun it still secretly **** with one of their minds at somepoint IMO.

My ex wife popped up on Facebook as someone I may know not long ago, guessing she’d just created an account. Had a quick nosey and it looks like being the independent woman with a fab single life hasn’t turned out too well.. is that a bedsit you’re in in your profile? Anyway, although that ex relationship is still a bit fresh I’m not overly arsed in contact. However the girl before her was proper filth so last year I dropped her a message and found she was newly single too.. as we’d learnt new tricks over the years the sex was good but she was still a sandwich short of a picnic but I scratched that itch.. Now in a blissful relationship with a totally new girl.

^If I found out an ex had popped it/was down on their luck etc it’d hurt me. Probably more than if they were grinning onboard a yacht etc (if that makes sense?).

Any other ex then yes I agree, I’m a soft touch and would still want to help.. even the itch I scratched as nuts as she was I was overjoyed when she informed of me her new partner late last year. The ex wife turned into a piece of work through separation and divorce though, I wouldn’t like to hear she’s dead but that’s she’s had a bit of a rough year then yeah I’m fine with that.

hora – Member
It is, because even if one of the parties says its just fun it still secretly **** with one of their minds at somepoint IMO.

Yea, but I tend to see well adjusted ladies rather than nutters

I’ve solved this problem by only ever having one partner my whole life.
Me too – I avoid problems with exes by not having any

Glad it’s not just me. My wife is awesome but I do feel like a bit of a freak sometimes compared to almost everyone else.

Yea, but I tend to see well adjusted ladies rather than nutters

In my experience a vast swathes of ladies are like unstable pieces of dynamite kept by a chain smoking drunk.

Got an email address, by any chance?

her card will probably be is any phone box around Soho