On the success of the advice on my Father and Funeral thread (happy happy joy joy).. I thought I’d ask STW for more worldly advice.

My father and mother split up around 7 years ago officially… unofficially they had done this 10 years prior whilst my sister and I were still kids.. we kinda knew this from all the arguing.

Anyway long story short – it’s knocked her confidence greatly to go into public situations, ie she won’t make friends – go to coffee mornings, art workshops or anything like that.

She literally has no friends and see’s no one. My sister and myself have been trying to change this for some years but keep failing. Mum’s well are truly locked herself away from situations that I know she’d enjoy and I find it really sad.

I want her to get her life back but I don’t want to impose any pressure on her as it usually ends up in lots of tears or an argument.

My sister lives 100 miles away and I live 1000miles away so it’d hard looking over her or keeping in touch… I send photos and an email every 2 weeks or so and give her a ring once a month… my sister does similar.

Mum also had a case or 2 of cancer about 5 years ago which I’m sure scared her more and added to this messy situation..

This threads brought on as my sister is actually going over some very serious tests at the moment with her heart and she rang me upset with mum trawling the net finding “how bad” it could be… mum’s very negative but she’s no one to share positives with so I don’t believe this is her it’s just how the cards played out.

How do I get my mum back STW?

My sister lives 100 miles away and I live 1000miles away

Could you or would you change that to help you’re mum?

why don’t you start small? spend some time in a local town with er, go for coffee with her, stuff like that?

also, I’m not judging you here, but I live 50 miles from my mum, and i see her once every two weeks at least, phone her every week, could you make more of an effort to spend more time with her, maybe accompany her to classes, or, ask her to accompany you to things?

I wouldn’t move closer as I really don’t enjoy living in England as much as France. My sister and I both tried work close to home but only last 18months before we caved in.

We’ve never had a massively close family so now’s only really the time for action as the realisation set in that she really needs help.

She blank refuses to go out and do things but I’m going to try and take her on a day out this weekend.. I was thinking maybe if I book a course on the sly for a good craft making type class that lasts a few weeks it might spark something off but it’s getting her there.

as I really don’t enjoy living in England as much as France

aah, thats a long 100 miles 🙂

It’s a tough one really, I’m close to my mum, but not really close to any of my sisters, not sure what would happen if any of them needed my help, or came to rely on me….