All of the clocks in the house are set an hour out of time according to what I see on TV.

This proves I have been abducted by aliena and tripped through time or perhaps ‘they’ are trying to manipulate me through the to schedule?

Anyway, this is clear proof of ghosts

You’ll be telling me your limbs can spin round 360° next

your’re lucky – my MTB seems to have wheels that are really big.

Feng Shui?

Brexit?

All the biscuits in my cupboard keep disappearing

We’re moving in a few days, our new house had lots of little notes posted on the walls, kitchen tops, etc when we first went to see it saying “no children are coming for tea” because the previous occupier was very old and suffering from dementia.

I just rang Mrs Jay from the new place saying I could hear ghostly child-like voices coming from under the stairs asking about their tea. She’s lost it ha ha.

I also told one of the neighbours kid’a “Candy is a stripper’s name, we call them sweets”. She looked confused.

Someone has drunk my beer!

I shall risk a visit to the beer cellar. If I don’t post in the next hour then please send an exorcist