poah – Member

This guy told a great one

So did his missus.

We were out for a curry with a group of friends about 18 months – 2 years ago and decided to have desserts. One of our friends is fairly naive and lacking in common sense on occasion. He’s also a lightweight, and had drunk 2 or 3 pints of cider.

So he ordered gulab jamun:

They’re a sort of sweet dumpling/cakey thing made with milk powder.

Anyway, one of the lads told him they’re actually new potatoes that have been slow cooked and soaked in syrup for hours. he bought it, and the following morning relayed the tale to his parents (my mate was half awake in the spare room upstairs) with great gusto and disbelief that they could be so good.

To this day he and all his family believe that they’re potatoes and our mate takes little provocation to explain them in the most animated fashion to anyone that’ll listen.

There must be a dozen of us in on the joke now…..

Harry_the_Spider

Was it Phil?

No. He’d never pass a cycling profiency test.

Thought as much.

A company I used to work for had a colleague drink himself to death over the Christmas holidays. Not completely unexpected, sadly.

Just after his funeral, work started on the company premises to build an external store for certain bits of equipment.

I managed to convince all the staff the building work was to be a memorial garden for our colleague and his ashes were to be interned there as he had no family.

I left before the work was completed, thankfully.

Yes, I’m going to hell.

Oh, at the same place a Chinese friend of mine left overnight after getting a job offer he couldn’t refuse back in Hong Kong. Everyone knew him and I were good mates, so I was often asked why he had left so quickly and what had happened. The obvious answer was that he was a former Triad kingpin who’s past had been discovered and he had been extradited back to his homeland to face murder charges.

Just remembered another. While at Uni, we went to the new Mexican place for their all you can eat buffet lunch. A mate who was a bit naive claimed he didn’t like spicy food so we were steering him mainly away from stuff that was too bad. Until he had something a little hot for him, and without a blink I said to eat one of the little cucumbery things to cool his mouth down.

You know those cartoons where their face goes red and steam comes out of their ears…….

We convinced a new workmate that it was compulsory to learn the internal staff telephone list (150 odd numbers) off by heart and that HR would test him after he’d been there a month. We didn’t tell him until he’d been there three weeks. He tried to learn it over a weekend and when he couldn’t he took a week off sick.

Sadly, and nothing to do with this I’m sure, he never came back.

On a recent trip to Aus we met up with some relatives from the UK, including two of my nephews aged five and ten. On arriving at the holiday park and checking out the pool we spotted an ibis wandering about:

They asked what it was and I deadpanned “Brain-sucker bird. See that long beak, they slide it in your ear while you sleep and pull out bits of your brain to eat.”

They were terrified of the things for the rest of the holiday 😈