Until a couple of months back my parents were buying my 2 year old something every single week to the point he expected something and talked about presents whenever we mentioned them. We had a word and it stopped for a bit, but my wife’s just been in touch to say my mum’s just given him a new book just before nap time and he’s all excited. She’s pissed off that they don’t seem to have listened.

Anyone had something like this? We don’t want to seem ungrateful but think it’s better to have a boy who isn’t spoiled and gets excited to see his grandparents for them rather than the gifts they bring.

I don’t disagree with the principle but we tend to make an exception for books – right or wrong, we see that as educational and having some value beyond just being another bit of plastic to clutter up the place. Possibly your parents consider it the same.

Maybe not every week though.

my in laws visit every week and normally give the boy a small pseudo lego model or a toy car normally from their attic (so he has a fab collection of early Dinky stuff) his granddad then helps him make the model or play with the car. .
He regularly expresses an expectation of gifts from them or cake from my mum. My view is that one expects them to dote on him and they enjoy doing it is clear that he adores them in any event and enjoys being with them regardless of the token gift. At the end of the day they are not massively expensive items and form the basis of play or reading with his grandparents it is hard to see a negative really and very useful that he has such a strong bond with them .

She’s pissed off that they don’t seem to have listened.

Except, they have, they’re giving gifts occasionally rather than regularly?

True, but a ‘would you mind if we gave him this?’ wouldn’t go amiss

Books I’d turn a blind eye. Not to be asked first is a tad out of order. Perhaps have another word. You can’t fault them for being too generous.

At least your getting descent gifts. My parents get our two year old clothing, for when he’s four-eight FFS, got bags of the stuff.

We have this, primarily from my parents. Same with xmas, its like my mum walks into Toys R Us and just buys the biggest box of Lego they have.

Given them a stern talking to the last two years but I’m going to have to pre-empt it this year and have the stern talking to sometime around October.

True, but a ‘would you mind if we gave him this?’ wouldn’t go amiss

Have you told them that?

TBH, if they want to buy their grandchild’s affection, is that not their lookout?

Same with xmas, its like my mum walks into Toys R Us and just buys the biggest box of Lego they have.

I’m not a parent, but I really don’t see a problem with that?

My mum and dad are the same, but he’s their only grandchild so I have some sympathy for them.

Our rule is if they buy him stuff then it stays at their house. That way all the crap lovely presents they get him don’t clutter up our place, and they can see just how much stuff they’ve bought him. It’s not fixed the problem completely, but it’s definitely reduced it a bit. We also clear what he’s getting for birthdays and xmas, as far as possible.

grandparents spoil their grandkids. It’s their job.
I used to get spoilt rotten by my grandparents.

Speaking as a grand parent, I can tell you that often we can see your lips moving but what you are saying makes no sense.

We only want to do for and give to our grand children the stuff we couldn’t do for or give to you. Because we were so poor back then, or so busy working all hours so as not to be poor.

Just smile and be glad that we’re not in prison, or dead. And explain to the little ones that Grand parents love them very much, but that they still need to eat their greens.

My Mum and Dad buy stuff for our kids from time to time, however it isn’t too much of an issue.

What is an issue for me is my slightly chavvy mother-in-law buying chavvy/inappropriate clothing from Primark/ASDA for my 8 year old daughter. I really don’t want her walking around in crop tops/stripper clothes.
Unfortunately the woman is a bit mental, and my wife won’t stand up to her as it isn’t worth the repercussions, so I’m kind of stuck with it.

Did you look carefully at the MIL when you married your wife?

😉

To put this in perspective, my sister made my mother do a First Aid course before she was allowed to babysit…

“grandparents spoil their grandkids. It’s their job.
I used to get spoilt rotten by my grandparents”

This, get over yourself princess.

They should also fill them up with pop and Haribo just before handing them back to the parents.

“I’m not a parent, but I really don’t see a problem with that? “
For us the problem is size of house a continuous drip feed of toys means we are slowly being squeezed out in to the garden . we now pointedly suggest any one who buys him a gift also buys us a breeze block for use in extension building.

What Spekkie said.

I intend to make my kids life hell if/when I’m a grandad 😈

grandparents spoil their grandkids. It’s their job.

Yup it is a fact

Eventually dies a natural death when they start buying crap gifts e.g. clothes

Did you look carefully at the MIL when you married your wife?

Yep, there is no chance my other half is going to turn into her mum, mostly because all the chav genes went to her younger sister.

This use to wind me up when my parents spoilt my boys.
Then I compared it with their other grandparents who don’t give a shit and I’m quite relaxed about it all now.

drives me nuts too. My mother-in-law can’t take out my son without buying him at least one gift, nearly always something that she knows I would not approve of.

For us the problem is size of house a continuous drip feed of toys means we are slowly being squeezed out in to the garden

Leave them at the grandpaents’ house for when junior visits.

When it got a bit much at ours I implemented a 1-in-1-out policy, but the gift-giver (usually the MiL) had to choose which of my daughter’s toys were replaced…

Mine are rubbish at presents “oh we just don’t know what to get?!” so just hand over cash at any opportunity.

Checked son’s wallet the other day, over £100 hiding in there! Hmmm, so why do you keep asking me for stuff ???

Our daughter isn’t even born yet and were getting several photo messages a week from the MIL showing all the stuff she is buying for her. So much stuff that they are loading a trailer up to drive in all over from Denmark! OK there might be a couple of things on the trailer for us but I’ve seen what our nephews get off of them so I what’s coming.

My mother-in-law can’t take out my son without buying him at least one gift, nearly always something that she knows I would not approve of.

Fantastic stuff. I’m taking notes in case one of our two decides to reproduce.

Bit of a troll post here but perhaps it could be a sign of substitute for love or the fact that your folks think that the new era of kids need things in their lives to interact with.

I’m going to try interacting more with my niece and buy less toys/books etc so it shows I’m trying even though she’s an awkward toddler.

True, but a ‘would you mind if we gave him this?’ wouldn’t go amiss

I get the feeling this isn’t entirely about the kids.

They are your parents, so tell them what’s what.
You are in a far better situation than having to have a word with the MIL.

What Spekkie said.

I’m grateful for everything my and my wife’s parents give our kids. Yes, they’re a bit spoilt, but the oldies aren’t going to be around for too much longer and both sides want to enjoy each other’s company as much as they can.

And there’s no such thing as too much Lego.

bensales – Member
the oldies aren’t going to be around for too much longer and both sides want to enjoy each other’s company as much as they can.

Speaking as an oldie, that really cheered me up – or maybe not….
Anyway, we buy our grandson books, ‘cos he loves books, and bikes, because he loves riding his bike too. I had my first bike ride with him last Saturday, in fact – I used to just run along behind but now I can’t keep up, so I had to bring a bike of my own. Next time we’re going to a pump track.
By the time he’s four there’ll be no stopping him. 8)

So that’s how we spoil him – with time and attention mostly, his parents don’t have the time to teach the finer points of riding bikes, for example, but I do. And I let him earn pocket money to buy Haribos and ice cream too….

I’m not a parent, but I really don’t see a problem with that?

No offence but you’ve got sod all to add to this then.

Yeah, how dare you non-parent (I’m one too) have an opinion on this!! We all know you are meant to have filled out the pre-qualifying questionnaire to be allowed post on threads here. I lied on mine so as to be able to comment 🙂

I’m not a parent either, but I do see my friends who are getting frustrated by grandparents either buying too much tat or buying stuff they think is inappropriate. As an auntie and godparent I am probably guilty of spoiling my friends’ kids – it’s kinda part of the deal! I get to buy funky stuff from Metallimonsters, my friends’ kiddos are the best dressed kids in town. No pink princesses here, my god-daughter was in a black and white skull print dress on her first birthday with stripy tights. Her metalhead parents loved it, the grandparents not so much…..

Vast quantities of tat = clutter in the house = housework/keeping tidy is more difficult. When you work, as most of my friends do, I can see how that is an annoyance. Keeping all the “lovely gifts” at Grandparent Towers for when grandkids visit can be presented as a good thing – they’ll have different toys/books there, so they won’t be as bored. I remember going to my grandparents and it being like having new toys because I hadn’t played with the ones there in ages. Also, it meant my parents didn’t have to pack loads of stuff for me because they knew I had things there.

As a granddad who bought his granddaughter some more lego last night I feel I can comment. 😀

If my daughter said anything I would say – tough! I raised you, changed your nappies, had sleepless nights, picked you up when fell, hopefully educated you a little and helped make you who you are today.

Now it’s payback and I get to spoil my grandchildren! I’m not trying to buy their love – pretty sure I don’t need to do that.

(oh and get to play with the lego which is a bonus)

terrahawk – Member
grandparents spoil their grandkids. It’s their job.
I used to get spoilt rotten by my grandparents.

Hmmm.. thats not exactly a lot of peoples experience.

I’m in slightly similar position but from an Uncles perspective. We have two boy nephews and MrsBouy finds it really hard NOT to buy them something when she sees them. Books in the main, occasional “educational” fun toys (globes, jigsaw maps, Museum of Science toys etc.) My BIL/SIL are farmers and have less than now’t to spend on them. Whilst they accept all the stuff, kids especially, these days I’ve tried to calm MrsBouy down because I overheard a conversation which IIRC got a bit heated about the subject of receiving “gifts” and kiddo’s expectation(s)

Only fair. We have to listen to the Parents..

Hoe dare people give gifts to the ones they love? Bastards.
What has this world come to?

I do get frustrated by my mum always buying “little” things for the kids mainly because of the clutter and landfill it creates, but there are far worse things. Books are cool but the other stuff just gets charity shopped mainly. My kids are 10 and 12 now, I doubt anyone would really accuse them of being spoiled as result. It is only books and tat after all. Sorry if it sounds patronising but: Be grateful your parents are around to be Grandparents.

Be grateful your parents are around to be Grandparents.

Quite, my parents have been dead for some time so my daughter has only had maternal grandparents and they live 500 miles away in Scotland – they live up to the stereotype too!