….I’m 34 and it’s happening again.

Apparently I am not very good at football. Which, apparently, involves more than just running around a lot and falling over…usually over the ball.

What it does involve is being skinned by 18 year olds, and nutmegged by old hands who almost have pity in their eyes as they watch me attempt to trap (and fall over) the ball, and pass the ball back to them instead of to a team mate.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Messi, and 1 being a Capybara*, I am a -3348395985.

But **** it. I enjoy and that’s all that matters. So for all those on here who moan about *holds sides* Wendyball, let’s not forget, just like cycling, it to can be pursued by rotund IT workers with flashy kit, but **** all skill 😀

Enjoy your pastimes ladies and gentlemen.

*A Capybara:

My pastimes include ninja editing and pointing out that pasttimes aren’t good pastimes.

😉

My past times are all happy memories.

You should have held back till the edit window shut, as now I have no idea what you mean? 😀

Wait till no one wants to pick you to go for a ride…. 😥

The “wendyball” thing gets my goat too! Overpaid for a sport which over-saturates our media for sure but footballers in the senior leagues are highly fit athletes who would eat 99.99%*of us on here for breakfast on terms of physical capability.

*This may be a totally made up statistic.

I’m not bad at football, but I’m fat and quite slow and it’s bloody annoying when playing against some 18 y/o whippet that just boots the ball down the pitch and runs past you. There should be some rule where you’re not allowed to touch the ball again if you’ve kicked it more than 5 yards.

Jamie earlier-
[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McBgu7sfN9w[/video]

I was always last to get picked in 5 a side, mind you if I was picking I would have left me til last too.
Still enjoyed the games tho, many moons ago.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-18380173

You need to hook up with these guys.

My experience of sides being picked for any sport (school,so 30+ years ago) : two captains work their way through the options in front of them until only two are left – me and the class fat kid (in the 70s/80s every class had a fat kid. Just the one). The two captains then look at each other in a non-verbal communication that says “don’t care which one”.

I was totally rubbish at football, and was always put in either defence or goal, which meant I only saw the ball when you actually needed someone who could actually kick it or catch it. Hockey wasn’t much difference the only time I wasn’t rubbish was cross country or chess, but that doesn’t get you the girl just another smack in the nuts from the meat heads.

Some people just aren’t cut out for sports that involve other moving objects, especially objects that they have to try and engage with rather than avoid.

Also I’ve never owned any football boots, an I’ve only ever played outdoors on grass – perhaps it’s no surprise that running and kicking on a wet grass field wasn’t that easy

The fact that schools allow so much football to go on is basically discrimination

I was crap at football alway last to be picked, in the rugby B (as in don’t bother) side. Very good at Cross country within top 10 of 120 lads and in the top 3 for wrestling.

Those Wendy ball boys did not like it when you put them in a half Nelson and rammed there faces into the crash mats.

Karma is great! 😀

At least you’re still playing Jamie, keep at it. 25+ years ago when I was at school I was always one of the last to be picked too. Now aged 44 and still pretty fit after 20 odd years of mountain biking and running, whenever I go back to my hometown and see some of the fat, sad eyed, grey skinned old men that where picked before me at school I feel I’ve had the last laugh.
Badllama’s right, karma is great 😀

I pick the sides in our football, so I’m never picked last! I know my standard though 🙂

I love rugby, but my old bones are only capable of touch rugby, but by god I enjoy it… even if most of the time it is getting outsprinted, out-manouvred and generally made to look useless by young nippers. I make up for it by shouting a lot.

I found that being picked last for any team game at school meant that I knew 30 years ago that there was no I in team. But not the way that the arsehole team builders mean now.

I make up for it by shouting a lot.

Oh, I can look busy. Just no end product 😀

When I was at school I was pretty poor at football. Except I was a good defender. Somehow I had a knack for stopping people getting past me with the ball. I couldn’t necessarily get it off them, but was quite good at not letting them past, so wasn’t entirely useless. But, once I had the ball, I had (still have) little to no ability. Can’t pass accurately and can’t dribble or dodge a tackle.

At a previous place of employment I was invited to join the office five-a-side after work one day. They were just being nice to the new guy. About 30 seconds into the warm-up knockabout I went for a 50-50 ball and had a very light collision with one of my new colleagues. He fell over and broke his collarbone. I wasn’t asked to play again…

Except I was a good defender. Somehow I had a knack for stopping people getting past me with the ball. I couldn’t necessarily get it off them, but was quite good at not letting them past, so wasn’t entirely useless. But, once I had the ball, I had (still have) little to no ability. Can’t pass accurately and can’t dribble or dodge a tackle.

That is basically my game in a nutshell.

At a previous place of employment I was invited to join the office five-a-side after work one day. They were just being nice to the new guy. About 30 seconds into the warm-up knockabout I went for a 50-50 ball and had a very light collision with one of my new colleagues. He fell over and broke his collarbone. I wasn’t asked to play again…

😀

For me the circle has been completed. I was always the speccy rubbish kid at school, avoiding games wherever possible – probably not helped by my school’s enlightened attitude towards wearing glasses during sport (ie not) which meant I usually couldn’t see where the ball was in the first place.

But now, in a different sport, I’m the one picking teams and have that awkward “what do we do with those two ” moment. I like to think I handle it a bit better than those kids at school did though.

At least you’re still playing Jamie, keep at it. 25+ years ago when I was at school I was always one of the last to be picked too. Now aged 44 and still pretty fit after 20 odd years of mountain biking and running, whenever I go back to my hometown and see some of the fat, sad eyed, grey skinned old men that where picked before me at school I feel I’ve had the last laugh.
Badllama’s right, karma is great

Me too but I’m 47 November.
karmas great and I also got more drink /drug/sex in as well 🙂

Weight training and bikes a terrible combination but wowsers makes ya look good nekkid 🙂

Only gave up playing in my mid forties. loved playing it as a kid. Then got called up to run for County. Then in 1974 our Spanish teacher nicked me for a CX team he put together, very unusual. Never played footy for school again.

When it came to being picked for whatever team sport happened to be carrying on on a particular day, I was absolutely thrilled to be left out every time. The thought of being stuck out on a wet, muddy field, freezing cold, having to chase around after a stupid ball, filled me with abject misery.
There wasn’t a single sport available that I actually gave a flying duck about.

chase around after a stupid ball,

Bit harsh. What the ball ever do to you?

I meant to say that when I joined a new local team I was left as a sub, I’ve always assumed because they knew I was a cyclist who was thin and shaved my legs. Finally got on and scored the teams first goal. They where mostly unfit blokes that couldn’t last a game and then got all aggressive. I was an FA qualified coach as well as a weedy pooftah cyclist.

At least you an still play. My surgeon winced& shook his head last time i suggested just a kickabout. 🙁

Used to play football and school and also Saturday and Sunday league, was always fat and slow, but could tackle and had a powerful shot.
Roll on a good few years and I’m considering a come back but i’m fatter, slower and due to an injury the last time I played have lost the power in my shot.
But my old team are struggle to make numbers some weeks, so I can see an opening.

I ‘played’ hockey for 5 years–and I just had to google to check that it’s played with a ball
I love that the capybara in that clip scrambles over the ball and then immediately has to have a snack and a lie down to recover 🙂

I used to be last pick until I reached a certain size and changed my tactics from “try my best” to “kick the shit out of anything in range”.

This elevated me to being a mid table pick.