Had to say goodbye to a good friend of mine as he lost his fight with cancer last week.
It wasnt unexpected and he was ill for over a year and although treatment did extend his life, ultimatly the cancer spread and he developed pneumonia and that really knocked him back.
He was the first of our friends to die, we have been slowly burying our parents over the last few years but this guy was a friend.
I lived with him for a while, and he with me when a roof fire rendered his flat inhospitable.

Last year he cycled route 66, in his life he climbed Kilamanjiro , dived all over the world, cycled pretty much everywhere.

The funeral was well attended with some of his school frinds there . But I just cant bring myself to say anything of any use to his his family at the funeral. I was upset , but they have lost a brother / uncle and I want to say the right things, but cannot bring myself to do it.

flippen cancer.

Cancer sucks. Mrs EGF has just had an op for it which in itself went ok. It was the 2 infections afterwards that have done the damage.
OP, you have my utmost sympathies.

A colleague of mine has also died recently (2 weeks ago) of cancer. He was still riding motorbike with his son last year. After that I did not see him for a while for nearly a year.

Then out of a sudden two weeks ago the manager announced that he passed away. I think his funeral ceremony is this week. As far as I know he did not look in poor health at all the last time I saw him.

I’m going to my fourth funeral this year on Friday. I’ve known them for between 35 & 50yrs and all have died from cancer. I spent time with the family of two of them in the weeks up to their death, much easier to chat & give a hug at the funeral. The other two a little more reserved. It ain’t going to easy finding the right words but you will.

The funeral was well attended with some of his school frinds there . But I just cant bring myself to say anything of any use to his his family at the funeral. I was upset , but they have lost a brother / uncle and I want to say the right things, but cannot bring myself to do it.

There’s no need to right now, in a day or two either pop round and see the family for a chat or if that feels too difficult or intrusive write them a card or a short letter telling them how you felt about your friend. I’ve been in a similar position and receiving the letters and personal cards meant a lot.

Not always, but often – death just sucks. When someone still has goals and experiences they want to have, the end of life is shitty.

Thinking of you singletrackmind.

Sorry for your loss.

To my mind, funerals should be a celebration of life rather than a mourning of loss.

Don’t beat yourself up about not having the words. No-one really has the words, and anyone needing to hear those words will be listening to the same platitudes time over time from everyone else. Fact is, the people who need to know how you feel will already know how you feel.

It’s an atypical situation and people react, deal and cope in different ways. It’s one of the few things in life you’d have to make a concerted effort to do wrongly.

I ain’t going to my colleague’s funeral as I don’t know his family. I have no words to express.

On Friday I’ll be going to the funeral of a 40 y-o mum to 4 kids. FFS and yes cancer.

chewkw – Member

I ain’t going to my colleague’s funeral as I don’t know his family. I have no words to express.

Don’t let that stop you. Seriously.

Also going to a funeral on Friday. Cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer a week before she got married 14 years ago.

Never thought they would have a baby, but they had a little girl now aged 3.
Late in the pregnancy it was found the cancer had returned and was terminal.

I am glad she managed to see her little girl grow.

Cancer has dominated their lives for 14 years. They dealt with it for all their marriage.
At least she is at peace now.
**** cancer.

You want to say things of use, but it’s not an easy thing to do. And what you might think useful might be different to what they think useful – they know you were there, and that’s the important bit. If your friend could have known, they’d have been happy with that too.

oldnpastit – Member

chewkw – Member
I ain’t going to my colleague’s funeral as I don’t know his family. I have no words to express.

Don’t let that stop you. Seriously. [/quote]I think you have completely misinterpreted or over interpreted that.

1. Many of us are not going because we have not been asked to attend directly. We were told of the date that’s all. In our eastern culture, it is inappropriate for us to show up for a private funeral.

2. There are no words that can express their lost.

I recommend writing a note – saying how sorry you are etc, but then tell a story about him – doesn’t matter what, funny, silly, about an act of kindness, whatever – the bereaved cherish such stories.

The funeral was well attended with some of his school frinds there . But I just cant bring myself to say anything of any use to his his family at the funeral. I was upset , but they have lost a brother / uncle and I want to say the right things, but cannot bring myself to do it.

Don’t stress about this. As pondo said above, the fact that you were there will have meant a lot to the family, even if you said nothing to anyone. My father-in-law died of cancer not too long ago, my wife was dreading the funeral. But it was standing room only, so many people turned up. Some of them hardly anyone in the family knew at all, but they had been friends with my FiL and the fact that so many had turned up showed the family (not that they didn’t already know) that he meant a lot to a lot of people. My wife found that quite comforting, even though they were strangers to her and many didn’t even get chance to talk to her other than briefly offer their condolences after the service.