My finest wind ups…

Persuaded a colleague that if she was too hot and sweaty in her drysuit, leaving the zip *bit* open let air in, but not water…. 🙂

I also had a GP on the foredeck of wayfarer, anchor in one hand, chain and rope in other, ready to swim down, hook in anchor and swim back to tie rope back on boat. Only when his wife asked ‘ what if he comes up away from the boat’ did I and watching safety boat full of sailing instructor colleagues collapse into hysterics…

All these ‘facts’ have come from the same (26 yr old) girl I work with.

Good AIDS is where you have AIDS, but it wasn’t your fault, ie born with it, contracted through medical negligence etc whereas….
Bad AIDS is where you have AIDS, but you got it from sleeping around.

All the swans in the U.K. are owned by the queen (correct) but they can’t fly. (Facepalm….)

‘Mandarin is my first language’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah I was brought up in Singapore’
‘But can you still speak it?’
‘Well, no, but it was the first language I learned’
*has to explain what first language means*

As for people I’ve wound up, I got sick of telling new recruits in a bar what a lager top was/how to make it, so the next person that asked was told, deadpan, that it was a pint of lager with a load of squirty cream on top, ala the boddingtons adverts of the time. The chap who asked for it looked particularly bemused, but quickly cottoned on when he clocked us creased over laughing, even said ‘by eck that looks gorgeous’ as she presented him with it. 😆

Working with a woman whose surname was Gandhi, she introduced herself to the new girl with “Blah-Blah Gandhi, no relation” to which our new colleague replied, “Oh, were you adopted?”

A lass at work asked why bridleways are so-called. Without really thinking I told how they were the old paths that a bride would traditionally walk along to get to the church on her wedding day.

Reckon I would have got away with it, but for the office know-all who piped up with “No. Actually I think you’ll find that…” (and then didn’t believe me when I said I knew, and had said it for joke).

Imbecile originates from an Eskimo tribe, called the Imbers.

They had pet seals that were quite stupid, hence imbecile.

That is fabulous.

(and then didn’t believe me when I said I knew, and had said it for joke).

We don’t believe you either.

See this,

(not my photo but have one similar to scan)

We were at an airshow years ago & my mate said, ‘what’s that’?. I said, ‘It’s a Canberra from the Irish air force confusion squadron’ & he said, ‘but It’s got a German cross on it’, so I said,’see, confusing innit’

On my kids lives, that is a true story.

Christopher Columbus was looking for another way to India by sailing West rather than East, and basically had no idea that there was another continent in the way (i.e. the Americas). When they hit land, they thought they had hit India. This is also why the West Indies is so-called.

True, dat. Also true is that John Cabot did know it was there, and landed with a crew from Bristol on the Matthew, up around Newfoundland way; the joke in Bristol is that the one bloke credited with being the first to land in (relatively) modern times was in fact the only man on board who hadn’t been there before*!
The Vikings beat everyone else, except the indigenous people, by a significant margin.
*Bristol fishermen fishing for cod off the Grand Banks obviously had to get provisions for the return journey, it was their knowledge he used.
Columbus?

I love that film Troy, especially that bit where they hide in a giant dog.

Best so far, that’s almost quote worthy.

😀

Good AIDS is where you have AIDS, but it wasn’t your fault, ie born with it, contracted through medical negligence etc whereas….
Bad AIDS is where you have AIDS, but you got it from sleeping around.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4JsjI5gUHk[/video]

Also true is that John Cabot did know it was there, and landed with a crew from Bristol on the Matthew, up around Newfoundland way

.. in 1497 according to Wikipedia….?

As a young newcomer to the Ford Dagenham Press Shop I had to minute an engineering meeting.

I dutifully recorded (and issued) minutes describing ‘Spark Erode’ as ‘Sparky Road’ which, unsurprisingly, I was reminded of almost daily.

All the swans in the U.K. are owned by the queen (correct) but they can’t fly. (Facepalm….)

Ready for another facepalm?

http://www.weirdisland.co.uk/behaviour/superstitions/the-queen-owns-all-britainsswans.html

And the Weta fills the niche normally occupied by Mice….

Holy cow. I wasn’t ready for that google image search.

That wind is created by the swaying of trees.
Wife’s cousin thought that clouds were blue (she came from Lancashire).

I tell this story to all the visiting Mercans in the office – some actually fall for it…

For those travelling on a shoestring budget, the London Tube may be the most economical way to get about, especially if you are a woman. Chivalry is alive and well in Britain, and ladies still travel for free on the Tube. Simply take some tokens from the baskets at the base of the escalators or on the platforms; you will find one near any of the state-sponsored Tube musicians. Once on the platform, though, beware! Approaching trains sometimes disturb the large Gappe bats that roost in the tunnels. The Gappes were smuggled into London in the early 19th century by French saboteurs and have proved impossible to exterminate. The announcement “Mind the Gappe!” is a signal that you should grab your hair and look towards the ceiling. Very few people have ever been killed by Gappes, though, and they are considered only a minor drawback to an otherwise excellent means of transportation. (If you have difficulty locating the Tube station, merely follow the sign that say “Subway” and ask one of the full-time attendants where you can catch the bumbershoot.)

https://www.ittc.ku.edu/~evans/stuff/americans_in_uk.html

There’s some other good ones in there that I haven’t been brave enough to try.