Timed to perfection this morning, as I strolled down the corridor with my packet of wet bum wipes in my hand, pulled open the door of the wheelchair accessible toilet, to find the cleaner departing with a cheery “It’s all yours now”.

Yes. Yes it is. There is WiFi, there are a few copies of MBUK and Private Eye, and I remembered to flush before I sat down so that Neptune’s kiss, should I receive it, is not made painful by Neptune’s pine fresh mouthwash.

WiFi

Flushnet?

Not sure, might be Opoo?

What you need is fibre.

No use for a well-downed goose’s neck then?

Or even some cable to be laid?

Would sir like his loo seat fur trimmed, for extra comfort?

Good for you OP, we’ve one dirty beggar here who stains the pan below the water line. How is that even possible?

Here in Sweden everyone (ie the whole country) take coffee break at 9:30am . Then basically everyone goes for a dump at 09:45am . It’s fascinating!

I’m not sure about trim of any sort. Being the wheelchair bog, it’s already higher than normal off the ground, so I’m on tiptoes a bit anyway, which makes it hard to brace. Any higher due to a padded seat might leave me airborne and dangerously unstable.

I ensure that I never leave any residue of any kind. Common courtesy.

we’ve one dirty beggar here who stains the pan below the water line. How is that even possible?

We used to have a phantom logger here who would leave a giant stool that JUST WOULD NOT FLUSH. It was like it was concreted to the bottom of the pan. How is THAT possible?

lol. depth charge awaaaayyyy

Leave no trace should go without saying sadly some here are not civilized.

I ensure that I never leave any residue of any kind. Common courtesy.

I need this to be tattooed on my three lads at home at home. Dirty things.

If you’ve chaps in the house you need a home urinal with an aiming fly in the glaze:

It has a lid? Another thing to ‘get wrong’ by leaving it up… 😐

I need a torch if I go at work. The toilets have a motion sensor activated light in a room with no windows.

Crucially, the sensors don’t work in the cubicles.

Which means that if you’re enjoying a leisurely “china cruise” and no one else comes in then, after about 5 minutes, all the bloody lights go out.

Praise Jebus for Candy Crush……..

Percy – phones have a torch built in you know….

Neptune’s kiss

Amateur. That’s easily prevented by laying a couple of sheets of toilet paper on the water surface prior to commencing.

As a bonus this also helps to prevent any submersed stainage.

China Cruise!

Sniggering here in Trap 3. Don’t know what the chap in Trap 1 thinks I’m up to.

Amateur. That’s easily prevented by laying a couple of sheets of toilet paper on the water surface prior to commencing.

“Lilies on the pond”

I’m well aware of the use of a crash mat, but in my experience that prevents a full unobstructed view of the mud child should you wish to admire it before you start the paperwork.

Neptune’s Kiss

😆 😆 😆

Due to a chain of “Chinese whispers” the building manager posted a “Toilets out of Order” sign on our bogs two weeks ago.
I know from chatting to the plumber it was only one cracked urinal. So I have have the whole place to myself (whilst everyone else troops upstairs)

No Stink, Nice blue water and never having “vestigial warm seat syndrome”

proper bliss..

Neptune’s Kiss

Excellent!

“Lilies on the pond”

Not just me then!

Leave no trace should go without saying sadly some here are not civilized.

“Go where there is no path and leave a trail” I believe was a quote of St Sheldon of Brown.

Oh I dont know….. the warm seat syndrome I got the other day was more than worth it!
Stunning brunette in a slinky red summer dress and long tanned legs – sometimes its not always a bad thing 😉

Stunning brunette in a slinky red summer dress and long tanned legs

Was it this guy? Frank’s stunned a few fellas in his time 😯

if it was he’s lost weight and grown a lovely set of tits

Awesomes…though I need a dishcloth and another cup of tea now 😆

Ratemypoo dot com

theres 28 of us from my division who occupy various offices in our building…add the bistro upstairs and the office above that with an equal number of staff
we have 2 separate gents and 2 separate ladies bogs and 1 disabled one. most of the time the gents are pretty clean but we also need to share with the other staff members, countless delivery drivers, visitors and students.
during exam time is worse as the big hall at the end of our building is used and the students who turn up use the toilets…mostly with disgusting effect!!

i used the disabled one last night to get changed into my riding kit…someone had been in there at some point and the stench was still lingering…i’ve never got changed as fast as that!!

I love how this is alongside the what coffee bean grinder thread.

@ gonzy – sounds like it could do with FLASH with febreeze the blue coloured one, I swear I get high everytime I throw it about the place.

[video]https://youtu.be/D49vvl7BPro[/video]

😆 😯 😈

I still regret leaving a job where we had a viz profanisaurus in the netty. Was always fun trying to get your newfound knowledge of the English language into your next conversation.

Colleague of mine uses these “wet bum wipes” of which you speak. Having run out, he asked his missus to by some more.

He didn’t realise she didn’t know the difference between those and bleach toilet wipes until he’d used the first one…

I hope you don’t put those wet wipes down the loo….

Bum wipes are flushable. Normal baby wipes are not.

Can’t stop giggling about “Neptune’s kiss” 😆

Girl in architects office I used to work in came back from loo with funny look and said ‘someone’s built a log cabin in trap 2 without planning permission’.