Bit random this one but some of the advice on here seems pretty reasonable so here goes ….

…I have found myself in the middle of a family meltdown where a terminally ill family member has declared that us (children) are from a marriage that should never have been and many other revelations linked to this this. All bad stuff really. I'm super angry and don't really feel that i can talk to anyone about it as its quite personal family stuff. Having never been in this situation before i wondered about talking to a counsellor to try and work out where I am at on it. I have tried personal bike therapy and it was during my last extended uphill session i decided maybe this might be a help.

I guess i'm concerned that I don;t know what i want out of it other than someone to talk to and wondered if anyone had used these services having never done it before ? I dunno what i'm asking actually but thats because my brain is deeply fuddled.

I don't have personal experience, but another perspective and an intelligent one can sometimes help..

Absolutely the right idea. Talking to someone disconnected from the situation will help you to sort out your feelings. Don't have any experience of those sort of services, but it has to help. Good luck fella.

Talking about things always helps. They may have no answer to your problems but helping you come to your own answers is going to do wonders for unfuddling your head.

It depends. Just offering sympathy can be unproductive, encouraging you to wallow. It's more useful to get some guidance on how to sort out your feelings and put them in perspective

I have both had relationship guidance counselling and have done some basic training as a counsellor. there are different schools of counselling and some suit some issues and some people more than others.

I think counselling can be very valuable in many circumstances and this would seem to be one of them. The most crucial aspect of any counselling is the relationship between the counsellor and the counsellee. don't be afraid to try a couple of different people.

I would think that for this you don't need one of the prescriptive approaches but something exploratory. don't expect the counsellor to give you answers but instead to help you understand what you are feeling and to help you develop your own ways of dealing with your feelings.

Person centred approach would seem to be the school to go for. wiki has articles on it.

So my advice is to go for it. This sort of issue can be eased by counselling.

When I went to University about 13years ago, I had been suffering from depression for only a short while. A few days after moving to Uni., I lost it; not in a bad way, I just broke down. The Head of Study suggested counselling to me. At first I was cynical, but I soon came round. They did try to get me onto anti-depressants,but I was having none of it. But the counselling was great! Got to talk things through, rationalise what I was feeling and how to deal with it. It wasn't a quick process, but I still use the same way of thinking today and it's stood me well. IMHO, go for it and try it. If one counsellor doesn't really help, try and get another one; don't write off the whole thing. Good luck… It won't be easy, you may not get all of the answers you're looking for, but it will help you deal with your feelings and put your thoughts in order.

My e-mail's in my profile, if you want to contact me. 😉

I used a councillor a few years ago after a relationship break-up. Really helped.

Yes, it sounds to me from what you are describing twistedspokes that you might very well benefit from counselling. As a first step I would approach your GP, he might be able to arrange something although it would of course require you to be assessed first. If he can't arrange anything he should be able to point you in the right direction and advise of any privately available counselling in your area. If you feel that for whatever reason you can't approach your GP, then contact a local charitable organisation such as Mind, they should be able to advise you.

The fact that you have realised that these are the sort of things which you (or anyone else) should not keep bottled up inside, is a very positive step, and the first one in moving forward to resolve the issues. Good luck.

Thanks chaps – i'll give it a whirl then. Can't be bothered doing the Gp thing so will track down a couple of privates and have an initial session. I'm not really majorly fussed by it all but the hand wringers around me think that maybe i should talk to someone. I think it will help me as well and also appease them slightly which will help me ratioanlise a few things and park them so i can draw a line under it.

Thanks though 🙂

Twistedspokes – this is your one and only post on here!
Welcome to the forum.

Counselling can be very useful in helping you sort out who you are and what you want or where you are going. I know that sounds like a cliche, but its true.
Keep an open mind just see how the things the counsellor is saying make you feel, and go with the flow . . . .

Good luck.

(Counselling may also help you to understand why a terminally ill person would want to rip their family apart on their way down btw)

Just to echo what TJ said, person centred counselling would probably be the way forward. I'm a CBT counsellor, which under your circumstances wouldnt be the best way forward, but undoubtedly, some form of counselling would help. Once you've started your sessions, you may find it easier to talk about what's happened with other members of your family, friends, etc, and also to utilise 'personal bike therapy' to help sort your head out and put things in perspective. Im not even going to try and offer reasons for your family member lashing out and creating as much pain and upset as they have, suffice to say that sadly, i've seen this sort of thing before. Anyhow, try and sort out some sessions, and if you can afford it, go private, because I can almost guarantee you'll be waiting forever for your GP to sort it. Good luck, and feel free to e-mail me (address in profile), for any advice or just for a whinge / bitch whatever. Good luck.

My wife and I are going through counselling at the moment following a tragic event in our lives. The counsellor we're using, specialises in the type of experience we had. (Not relationship counselling). We're part way through and it is definitely helping. Some sessions are hard and very tiring, and in a way it is not what I expected. But it is helping putting things in perspective and allowing us to accept that the feelings we have are part of the process of recovery and despite the negativity of some of them, they aren't wrong. I also expect it to take a long time.

before this I wouldn't have considered counselling. But now I would say try it. It won't do any harm.

Hope you can sort things out.

You can search for a counsellor in your area here and remember you need to find someone you are comfortable with, so it's fine to go and see a few until you have found the right person for you.

Good luck 🙂

All joking aside (as it's not really a joking matter)…if you are just looking to talk to someone and don't want to get that personal with them…have you thought about an initial call to the Samaritans…they lend an ear for you to talk to, it's over the phone so very unpersonal in that sense…and might help as an initial step to get things clearer in your head.

Not got any experience of this myself so no real idea of what you can do…hope you get it sorted though.