This may be of interest if she calls the police on you again.

http://nightjack2.wordpress.com/2008/07/24/a-survival-guide-for-decent-folk/

The stuff about her abusing people under her care is horrendous, needs reporting to someone definitely. Good luck – make sure you keep your nerve and go through with leaving.

Clearly you have family and friends to go to for help, and you’ve had the balls to post here and go to the Police but I would suggest, if things feel particularly hard over the next few days/weeks, that you access every bit of help and support available to you.
I suspect that in years to come you’ll look back at this moment and realise it was the best decision you ever made…

Your doing the right thing OP. Sounds like she needs this to happen to get some help and get her out of this destructive rut she’s in.

Time’s a great healer. You’ll look back and see this as one chapter you are finishing before a new and better one starts.

Good luck!

Good on you!

I have a female friend who went through a similar thing – she found it incredibly hard to walk out on her partner, but she did eventually, came and stayed with me for a bit until she got her own accommodation sorted. She’d not mind me telling you that she was a teary mess for a bit, but eventually all the bits of her life that felt so broken up started to come together again, both emotionally, and the practical bits like jobs and houses and so on. She’s in a really happy place now, with a caring and attentive partner, a career she enjoys and a healthy perspective on a bad time in her life.

Hope that comes swiftly for you as well!

“Clearly you have family and friends to go to for help”.
I didn’t think I did until recently?
My sister has only been in contact with me over the past year. My friends have only just started coming out of the woodwork.

I’ve wanted to tell people on here way before now, but always backed out at the last minute through fear of being mocked or misunderstood.

Thanks for the help and support everyone. I’ll be back as soon as is possible.

Hope everything works out for you fella. As for being mocked on here,well yes it can seem like a forum full of piss takers but there is a time and a place and this isn’t one of them.

More than enough very surprised you have not made your mind up already and for asking STW ?

No one would dare mock about DA (I hope!).

Edukator “An arrest statistic isn’t a criminal record.” Thanks I’m well aware of that, what I’m saying is AN arrest will on his record. So if I do a PNC check on him it will show up with “NFA” (No further action). It will always sit on the computers and records that police have access to, although NFA’s won’t prevent jobs etc.

There are ALWASY people out there that will help and support you no matter what. If I lived in Colchester I’d help out but I’m miles away, went to Essex Uni mind and had a great 4 years at Uni there .. excpet that doesn’t help you I’m afraid!

you are doing the right thing, it will get worse. Did the police give you any idea what they are planning on doing? Or when they are going to action the information they gave you? You need to know if/when she is going to get arrested so you have support in place for when she is released from custody (charged or not). Come on head up, you’re getting closer to getting out of the abusive relationship, you’ve made th biggest steps, keep taking those small steps forward towards the thousands of agencies that can help you. This is not shameful and you aren’t too blame. Now get out on your bike and feel the wind in your face and think of the happier times ahead.

I don’t think you would have had all this support if you had posted the pic of the bike earlier.

What on earth’s going on with that seatpost? I think you need to get that sorted out first before you start on your personal life.

I stand corrected 🙄

So…. how are things Skoolshoes?
Tell me you’ve made a clean break.

Higgo he has gone quiet I am hoping it is for all the good right reasons, no internet as moving out etc.

You still there, found this for you today:
http://www.mankind.org.uk/

Get in contact with them.

I’m back (for now). Been a real hectic time lately!
I got out on the Monday. Been sofa surfing for what seems like forever.
My head has been a real mess, one minute I feel good and stronger for leaving. The next minute I’m a nervous wreck.
I’ve been fobbed off from one person to the next, whilst trying to get help.
Waiting for an appointment to be confirmed with a mental health group. They work with you to help you get your self esteem back etc…
As far as I’m aware, the ex has yet to be arrested :-O 9 days and nothing!!!
Can’t wait for this period of my life to be over.
If the council help me and do what they’ve been suggesting, I’ll be put in a bed and breakfast out of Colchester.
Fingers crossed…

Stick at it, you’ll be right.

Its a cliche, but every journey starts with a step. you’re taken that first step, and it will be the hardest one you take.

Stay strong mate

Look on the bright side, you haven’t been arrested either. Try to take pleasure in the simple things in life. Taste the water in the glass, take a walk to nowhere in the rain, appreciate being alive and enjoy your own company.

Glad to hear you’ve got out – next step is to stay out.

Speaking as someone who hasn’t been through Domestic Abuse but has had a tussle with mental health issues i’ll just add one thing.

Learn to like yourself again. It won’t happen overnight, but spend some time with yourself and learn to understand how and why you feel the way you do. In time you’ll become happier, more relaxed and more stable internally.

Good luck and keep us posted as to how you are doing.

Nice one for getting out.
Good to see STW at its best too
Best of luck

Excellent news, great comments from Edukator.

I was arrested when I went to the police station to see why they needed to see me.
Even though I had bruises on my face and was obviously a mess, I had to sit for 6 hours in a cell.
I still haven’t been informed whether they’ve dealt with her yet?!
The officer that took my statement told me that he was about to take 6 days off, and nobody else took the case on while he was off.
Anyway, the main thing is that I’m out and all the relevant people have been informed of her behaviour. Once I have my own place, get my head straight and get a job, I’ll be on top of the world 😀

Stay positive dude! Getting good vibes from your last post.

Thanks for all the comments and support!
I guess the reason I posted on here was because it’s somewhere that I’m familiar with.
I didn’t expect my family to understand or try to help but they have.
I even got a visit from my younger sister and mum, who I haven’t seen in years. 🙂
Still battling with the council to try and get a roof over my head and I’m still worried about my future, but I feel better than I did before. I still get confused by things and am nervous in public, but I feel a lot less scared now and my opinion of the ex has completely changed now that I’m away from her.
I can’t believe that I put up with it for so long?!
Thanks once again for all the help STW 😀

Look at this site helped a friend of mine

Sorry to hear about all that check out the link a friend of mine who’s a big bruiser of a guy who regularly had to ‘sit on his hands’ not to hit her back they helped him to get his head round the emotional side of it.

I know you probably care about the kids but you can’t carry on putting up with it as someone WILL look after their welfare you need to look after yours.

Hope it works out for you
Debs x

Don’t beat around the bush – sort it out! Oh wait… bad choice of words…