Good luck, you're going to need it. I hope you'll pull through, somehow I'd be feeling awful if I knew a soul from here was gone for good (seems a possibility from your earlier posts).
Ignore us the well-wishing-but-nowt-knowing mass, listen to Munque-chick please!
Chat Forum
Domestic abuse
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Posted 12 months ago #
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Where are you about Shoes? It would be nice if some of your local forum dwellers could get you out on the bike/odd beer etc.
Posted 12 months ago # -
Well done Skoolshoes, good for you, you've done the right thing.
Posted 12 months ago # -
I'd offer to put Schoolshoes up myself but given the type of bikes he's posted about for the past seven years I fear that he's one of those guys at the local dirt jumps with jeans around his arse and a sweat-stained, smelly T-shirt. My wife would wrestle him to the ground to get his muddy 5:10s off before he crossed the threshold and he'd be thrown in a cold shower before being lectured on the house being a Sitzpinkler zone. Perhaps more traumatising than what he's just been through.
Well somebody had to lighten it up. All the best in your new life, Schoolshoes.
Posted 12 months ago # -
No I'm not a dirt jumper, although I used to enjoy it.
This is my only bike now.
I'm exceptionally clean and tidy too, although my face still looks a bit worse for wear...
Posted 12 months ago # -
I'm in Colchester, and leaving all my stuff at a friends house. Might be able to stay there for 1 night too.
Typical that it's bank holiday tomorrow, going to have to wait until Tuesday to see the council about getting a home.
My sister has said I can stay with her for a short while in Ipswich, as from Tuesday. Only problem being, getting to and from Colchester.
Hopefully won't be too long until I can find a job too, and make new friends Posted 12 months ago # -
Good man respect
Posted 12 months ago # -
Been a silent reader so far too Skoolshoes.
Really hope things work out for you. Glad your sister's helping out.
A new start matey. Keep posting. This is when STW is really at its best - good support so far on this thread.
Posted 12 months ago # -
well done mate, you ARE doing the right thing. Remember that.
Posted 12 months ago # -
see that thing about six foot high on the front of the house might have a letter box in the middle.. go and stand on the wet side of it and dont go back in.. be hard faced she was when she dobbed you in to the bussies ( wasnt boithered then about who would be looking after the kids) all easy to say much harder to do but the longer you leave it the harder it becomes and the resons not to pile up so go on walk out and keep going..
pragmatically as you leave, stop all credit debit cards you have joint acess to withdraw 50% from all savings/ investments accounts take your clothes and anything else you can prove is yours get your name off the utility bills and the rent book. if the house is co owned leave but get professional advice immediately.
possesion is everything, you want it take it when you leave otherwise consider it hers.
Posted 12 months ago # -
Good luck, strength and courage to you. I believe you're doing the right thing.
Posted 12 months ago # -
Sorry, not time to read all of this except the OP. I would strongly recommend going to your doctor and getting them to take notes of your injuries as soon as possible, also get someone (not yourself) to take photos of the injuries next to a ruler or something that can show the size and extent of them. They could be the only evidence of you being attacked if she presses charges now or in the future. A photo is better than a fine or jail.
Posted 12 months ago # -
Been a bit tearful for the last 20 minutes or so.
I never wanted this! I know I have to be strong and do what's right, but that doesn't make things any easier.
I think it's the shock of it all kicking in?
Lots of people have been in touch with me, that's helped. Doesn't take the pain away though.
Roll on tomorrow...Posted 12 months ago # -
Midnighthour, had the photo's taken when I made the statement earlier.
I told them about everything, the kids, the abuse of people at her work and what she's done to me.
Still hard for me to let go of what we had. Might sound a bit sick to some people, but I was with her for 19 months and it gradually got worse. We also had some good times.
Wish I could fast forward a few months.Posted 12 months ago # -
I would suggest that tomorrow is an excellent day to go ride your bike
Posted 12 months ago # -
This may be of interest if she calls the police on you again.
http://nightjack2.wordpress.com/2008/07/24/a-survival-guide-for-decent-folk/
The stuff about her abusing people under her care is horrendous, needs reporting to someone definitely. Good luck - make sure you keep your nerve and go through with leaving.
Posted 12 months ago # -
Clearly you have family and friends to go to for help, and you've had the balls to post here and go to the Police but I would suggest, if things feel particularly hard over the next few days/weeks, that you access every bit of help and support available to you.
I suspect that in years to come you'll look back at this moment and realise it was the best decision you ever made...Posted 12 months ago # -
Your doing the right thing OP. Sounds like she needs this to happen to get some help and get her out of this destructive rut she's in.
Time's a great healer. You'll look back and see this as one chapter you are finishing before a new and better one starts.
Good luck!
Posted 12 months ago # -
Good on you!
I have a female friend who went through a similar thing - she found it incredibly hard to walk out on her partner, but she did eventually, came and stayed with me for a bit until she got her own accommodation sorted. She'd not mind me telling you that she was a teary mess for a bit, but eventually all the bits of her life that felt so broken up started to come together again, both emotionally, and the practical bits like jobs and houses and so on. She's in a really happy place now, with a caring and attentive partner, a career she enjoys and a healthy perspective on a bad time in her life.
Hope that comes swiftly for you as well!
Posted 12 months ago # -
"Clearly you have family and friends to go to for help".
I didn't think I did until recently?
My sister has only been in contact with me over the past year. My friends have only just started coming out of the woodwork.I've wanted to tell people on here way before now, but always backed out at the last minute through fear of being mocked or misunderstood.
Thanks for the help and support everyone. I'll be back as soon as is possible.
Posted 12 months ago # -
Hope everything works out for you fella. As for being mocked on here,well yes it can seem like a forum full of piss takers but there is a time and a place and this isn't one of them.
Posted 12 months ago # -
More than enough very surprised you have not made your mind up already and for asking STW ?
Posted 12 months ago # -
No one would dare mock about DA (I hope!).
Edukator "An arrest statistic isn't a criminal record." Thanks I'm well aware of that, what I'm saying is AN arrest will on his record. So if I do a PNC check on him it will show up with "NFA" (No further action). It will always sit on the computers and records that police have access to, although NFA's won't prevent jobs etc.
There are ALWASY people out there that will help and support you no matter what. If I lived in Colchester I'd help out but I'm miles away, went to Essex Uni mind and had a great 4 years at Uni there .. excpet that doesn't help you I'm afraid!
you are doing the right thing, it will get worse. Did the police give you any idea what they are planning on doing? Or when they are going to action the information they gave you? You need to know if/when she is going to get arrested so you have support in place for when she is released from custody (charged or not). Come on head up, you're getting closer to getting out of the abusive relationship, you've made th biggest steps, keep taking those small steps forward towards the thousands of agencies that can help you. This is not shameful and you aren't too blame. Now get out on your bike and feel the wind in your face and think of the happier times ahead.
Posted 12 months ago # -
I don't think you would have had all this support if you had posted the pic of the bike earlier.
What on earth's going on with that seatpost? I think you need to get that sorted out first before you start on your personal life.
Posted 12 months ago # -
I stand corrected
Posted 12 months ago # -
So.... how are things Skoolshoes?
Tell me you've made a clean break.Posted 11 months ago # -
Higgo he has gone quiet I am hoping it is for all the good right reasons, no internet as moving out etc.
Posted 11 months ago # -
You still there, found this for you today:
http://www.mankind.org.uk/Get in contact with them.
Posted 11 months ago # -
I'm back (for now). Been a real hectic time lately!
I got out on the Monday. Been sofa surfing for what seems like forever.
My head has been a real mess, one minute I feel good and stronger for leaving. The next minute I'm a nervous wreck.
I've been fobbed off from one person to the next, whilst trying to get help.
Waiting for an appointment to be confirmed with a mental health group. They work with you to help you get your self esteem back etc...
As far as I'm aware, the ex has yet to be arrested :-O 9 days and nothing!!!
Can't wait for this period of my life to be over.
If the council help me and do what they've been suggesting, I'll be put in a bed and breakfast out of Colchester.
Fingers crossed...Posted 11 months ago # -
Stick at it, you'll be right.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Its a cliche, but every journey starts with a step. you're taken that first step, and it will be the hardest one you take.
Stay strong mate
Posted 11 months ago # -
Look on the bright side, you haven't been arrested either. Try to take pleasure in the simple things in life. Taste the water in the glass, take a walk to nowhere in the rain, appreciate being alive and enjoy your own company.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Glad to hear you've got out - next step is to stay out.
Speaking as someone who hasn't been through Domestic Abuse but has had a tussle with mental health issues i'll just add one thing.
Learn to like yourself again. It won't happen overnight, but spend some time with yourself and learn to understand how and why you feel the way you do. In time you'll become happier, more relaxed and more stable internally.
Good luck and keep us posted as to how you are doing.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Nice one for getting out.
Good to see STW at its best too
Best of luckPosted 11 months ago # -
Excellent news, great comments from Edukator.
Posted 11 months ago #
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