Ok, I had a word with her last night. Told her that I’m leaving but didn’t say when.
She probably thinks that I’m bluffing, because I have said it before.
I also said that I can’t have the kids today because I’m going out.
She asked me what time and I said about 11ish. She told me it would have to be earlier as she leaves for work at 7:30. When I asked why I would have to leave earlier, she replied “because after the other night, the babysitter is scared of you”.
Scared of me? I was the one that came home first and asked the babysitter if she was home yet, told her that she was in a bad mood and had too much to drink. I also apologised to the babysitter when she left and saw her out of the door.
The babysitter is the daughter of a person that my gf works with. I’m wondering if they’re concocting a story to protect her?
It’s made me think twice before going in today and making a statement.
It needs to be done, but I don’t have the strength or energy to carry on if things go further.
She has abused the people that she cares for at work too 🙁 Told me of 2 incidences, squirting shampoo into the eyes of a resident that can’t speak and using a whole bottle of chilli sauce in another’s meal and laughing while they watch him eat it. It’s not just her though, there are a few of them that work there that do it!
Should I bring this up if I make a statement?

It needs to be done, but I don’t have the strength or energy to carry on if things go further.

I’d say you do have the strength as you’re doing the right thing. Keep on doing wat you’re doing.

She has abused the people that she cares for at work too

And you were concerned about whether she’d lose her job or not? Getting her out of that environment would be a winner for everyone.

If in doubt, tell the police. It’s up to them to decide what is/isn’t relevent.

She sounds like a nasty bit of work and completely deserving of anything that befalls her. If it were me and be gone without a second thought or a look back, they are not your kids and as attached to them as you may be you need to GTFO.

Mate, you need to get out, and you need to go to the police. It won’t be easy, but it has to be done.

good luck

Just my little contribution but I would strongly advise that if you do indeed leave the household, it is imperative that you contact the police and social services as it is quite possible that the issue that is presenting itself as you being domestically abused is then turned even further on to the children.
This, I know can be true.

she has abused the people that she cares for at work too Told me of 2 incidences, squirting shampoo into the eyes of a resident that can’t speak and using a whole bottle of chilli sauce in another’s meal and laughing while they watch him eat it. It’s not just her though, there are a few of them that work there that do it!

One sick and sad bitter woman she is, get her reported to care standards, or the care quality commision, and ensuree she never ever works with vulnerable people again.

Just get out fast. It’s turning into a war of words and sounds like she’s getting people to back her up which may lead to false statements to the police. Whilst I’ve never been in a situation like yours I have had false statements made against me. I had absolute proof a key accusation was a lie (a series of photographs) which devalued the other stuff against me – case dropped. You may have trouble providing such proof. If you can avoid it getting that far by just going, go.

From a professional point of view (police officer), I have dealt with hundreds of DV incidents. You need to get out now, her behaviour will escalate, and it clearly has escalated within your relationship. I understand your concern about HER children but they aren’t yours .If you have issues with her as a Mother then you have a duty to report her to SS. If it is as simple as what you say there is no way SS will take the children off her, they do everything in their power to leave them with the families as much as they can. since you’ve already spent 6 hours in a cell a report will have already gone to SS Anyways, but you need to give them the full picture so they can deal with it appropriately, not from the snippets they will get from the accounts upon your arrest (where she will have easily lied to the old bill).

You need to be strong and prosectue her, how is she ever going to know what she does is wrong? She will have treated countless other men like this and clearly kept getting away with it. You need to make that statement. Long term potentially depending on what infor the police have they could in theory prosecute her anyway without your support, they are doing this more and more for domestic violence cases for the EXACT reason why you won’t/feel you can’t. DA is a horrible thing that needs to be dealt with!

I would ignore some of the tu**s on here who clearly have no idea what they are talking about. If you want more personal advice I think yuo are best e-mailing me or Mrs Consquence who can guide you appropriately and anonymously still in the right direction.

Do not stand up to this, do not think you need to MTFU, this is abuse and it is unforgiveable. Be strong, do what’s right and you will come out the other side, stronger, healthier and happier.

Good luck (e-mail in profile if you need it).

Harm to kids isn’t just the obvious of physical, sexual or neglect, there is also a very difficult to prove category of abuse of emotional abuse/neglect, but her behaviour towards her children could certainly be contstrued as emotional abuse.

She asked me what time and I said about 11ish. She told me it would have to be earlier as she leaves for work at 7:30. When I asked why I would have to leave earlier, she replied “because after the other night, the babysitter is scared of you”.

OP: You can see the manipulation here can’t you? She senses you’re calling her bluff. a) she’s trying to put a barrier to you going out when you choose (control) and b)she knows that making you feel guilty has made you stay in the past – blaming you for how the babysitter allegedly feels.

I’m not a pro here, my experience comes from dealing with a bullying boss but I would doubt that this will become a ‘war of words’ as you put it, as others more experienced in these things than me have said, it’s likely to escalate into more serious stuff the minute she realises the game’s up – you already know she’s violent.

Maybe worth going straight to the Police when you leave and tell them what you’ve done. Then if she tries to pin something on you, they heard from you first…

My eyes were opened when I bought this book to help me deal with the bullying boss, it’s a quick read and I can highly recommend it to help you see her manipulations more clearly and how to respond to them/change your own behaviour to help stop it happening in the first place. [Can’t get linky to work, it’s called Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing £7 from Amazon]

Told me of 2 incidences, squirting shampoo into the eyes of a resident that can’t speak and using a whole bottle of chilli sauce in another’s meal and laughing while they watch him eat it. It’s not just her though, there are a few of them that work there that do it!

and you say you love her? you’re as screwed up as you say she is….

don’t be a wet fish. grow some and get out. think of yourself.

report it before the marks go – don’t procrastinate anymore.

If you haven’t reported it by wednesday then I’ll come round and start beating on you as well!

My son is in a similar position to the OP. However, his girlfriend managed to get pregnant, so we now have a 15mth old grandson in the mix.

I’m not doing an internet diagnosis, but I will say that many of the classic symptoms of Psychosis (no, that’s not being a psycho) seem to fit here. Especially the absence of regret and the complete inability to understand actions have consequences.

I think you’re right to cut loose, but I think pressing charges would just make this escalate. And I think you would hate the consequences of that.

By all means go to the cops, explain everything and say you do not wish to press charges, even though you feel you have every right, but you would like the arrest statistic not put on your record.

She has abused the people that she cares for at work too Told me of 2 incidences, squirting shampoo into the eyes of a resident that can’t speak and using a whole bottle of chilli sauce in another’s meal and laughing while they watch him eat it. It’s not just her though, there are a few of them that work there that do it!

This is a very serious allegation. If what you’ve written there is true (not accusing you of lying, but perhaps she is), then this isn’t just about you and her kids, this sounds like it is about really vulnerable people who are being abused by their carers. You have a responsibility to do something about it. And if you don’t report this to the police then I think that the people who run this site may even have a responsibility to pass your details onto the police themselves for further investigation.

and you say you love her? you’re as screwed up as you say she is….
don’t be a wet fish. grow some and get out. think of yourself.

And you think that will help? Idiot.

mintimperial + 1

If your post is correct then she’s abusing vulnerable people for fun. That’s something which shouldn’t be brushed under the carpet.

I only hope that her bragging about the attacks on the people that she cares for is lies or over-exaggeration.
I’ve been to the police and made the statement. The SS will be notified!
I’ve spoken to one of my neighbours too and he’s going to keep an ear open after I’ve left.
Whether it brings more turmoil or not, I’m sticking this out. Can’t just ignore what I know!
Time to get packing. Just need a new phone and internet connection.

BigJohn you can’t just ask the police to take an “arrest statistic” off your record, it will always be there! It really isn’t as simple as you have said. As I’ve already said the nature of domestic incidents is that the victims don’t want to prosecute as they are scared/worried/terrified [insert word you feel relevant] they have made the laws easier so that CPS can prosecute the abuser without the victim’s consent, people cannot get away with these things, it’s completely and utterly wrong and until you start standing up against it then how will they realise what they are doing is wrong and get any help or treatement?

People wouldn’t be saying this if it was in relation to prosecuting a bike thief? “oh it will cause grief don’t do it” I know they are very different crimes but essentially you are saying don’t cause yourself the hassle!

Skoolshoes you will get stronger as time goes on. You can get good internet phones now cheap!

Speaking as someone who’s got a close relative in a care home at the moment, you need to get abuse of the vulnerable elderly reported straight away.

In regards to your own situation – get your stuff packed and walk away – you’ve already stayed too long and your physical wellbeing, and possibly your life, is in danger. If you’re really stuck for an alternative place to stay, would it be possible for you to give an idea of your location and see if someone here can put you up for a couple of nights to give you breathing space?

An arrest statistic isn’t a criminal record.

Good luck bud. You’re doing the right thing.

Well done Skoolshoes, keep the momentum going and don’t look back.
All the best to you.

Best wishes Skoolshoes, as everyone says youve done the right thing.

WELL DONE.

Hopefully now the system will take over and she will get treatment,or custody, especially for the diassabled people abuse.

Been an interested but silent reader so far but good on you Skoolshoes. As far as her work goes, it needs reporting too if you haven’t already.

That said, bravo and keep strong!

Good luck, you’re going to need it. I hope you’ll pull through, somehow I’d be feeling awful if I knew a soul from here was gone for good (seems a possibility from your earlier posts).
Ignore us the well-wishing-but-nowt-knowing mass, listen to Munque-chick please!

Where are you about Shoes? It would be nice if some of your local forum dwellers could get you out on the bike/odd beer etc.

Well done Skoolshoes, good for you, you’ve done the right thing.

I’d offer to put Schoolshoes up myself but given the type of bikes he’s posted about for the past seven years I fear that he’s one of those guys at the local dirt jumps with jeans around his arse and a sweat-stained, smelly T-shirt. My wife would wrestle him to the ground to get his muddy 5:10s off before he crossed the threshold and he’d be thrown in a cold shower before being lectured on the house being a Sitzpinkler zone. Perhaps more traumatising than what he’s just been through. 😉

Well somebody had to lighten it up. All the best in your new life, Schoolshoes.

🙂 No I’m not a dirt jumper, although I used to enjoy it.
This is my only bike now.

I’m exceptionally clean and tidy too, although my face still looks a bit worse for wear…

I’m in Colchester, and leaving all my stuff at a friends house. Might be able to stay there for 1 night too.
Typical that it’s bank holiday tomorrow, going to have to wait until Tuesday to see the council about getting a home.
My sister has said I can stay with her for a short while in Ipswich, as from Tuesday. Only problem being, getting to and from Colchester.
Hopefully won’t be too long until I can find a job too, and make new friends 🙂

Good man respect

Been a silent reader so far too Skoolshoes.

Really hope things work out for you. Glad your sister’s helping out.

A new start matey. Keep posting. This is when STW is really at its best – good support so far on this thread.

well done mate, you ARE doing the right thing. Remember that.

see that thing about six foot high on the front of the house might have a letter box in the middle.. go and stand on the wet side of it and dont go back in.. be hard faced she was when she dobbed you in to the bussies ( wasnt boithered then about who would be looking after the kids) all easy to say much harder to do but the longer you leave it the harder it becomes and the resons not to pile up so go on walk out and keep going..

pragmatically as you leave, stop all credit debit cards you have joint acess to withdraw 50% from all savings/ investments accounts take your clothes and anything else you can prove is yours get your name off the utility bills and the rent book. if the house is co owned leave but get professional advice immediately.

possesion is everything, you want it take it when you leave otherwise consider it hers.

Good luck, strength and courage to you. I believe you’re doing the right thing.

Sorry, not time to read all of this except the OP. I would strongly recommend going to your doctor and getting them to take notes of your injuries as soon as possible, also get someone (not yourself) to take photos of the injuries next to a ruler or something that can show the size and extent of them. They could be the only evidence of you being attacked if she presses charges now or in the future. A photo is better than a fine or jail.

Been a bit tearful for the last 20 minutes or so.
I never wanted this! I know I have to be strong and do what’s right, but that doesn’t make things any easier.
I think it’s the shock of it all kicking in?
Lots of people have been in touch with me, that’s helped. Doesn’t take the pain away though.
Roll on tomorrow…

Midnighthour, had the photo’s taken when I made the statement earlier.
I told them about everything, the kids, the abuse of people at her work and what she’s done to me.
Still hard for me to let go of what we had. Might sound a bit sick to some people, but I was with her for 19 months and it gradually got worse. We also had some good times.
Wish I could fast forward a few months.

I would suggest that tomorrow is an excellent day to go ride your bike 🙂