I’m sure the secret lies somewhere in my ears and nostrils.

The hair is positively blooming there, can barely keep up with it.

Alas for the cranium though.

When I had hair it was just a succession of really shit haircuts, which only real use was to keep the sun off my head. I bought a hat,.

Biomed shampoo has kept me from going bald for the last 10 years. Proof? Full head of hair. Apart from the questionable claims, this shampoo is brilliant and a litre lasts me 6 months of at least one wash a day.

I have no hair and a patchy blonde/white beard. Worst of both worlds.

Snap. Except also have natural ginger lowlights in the mutton chops with permanent ‘farmer’s tan’ complexion. The ensemble is nicely offset by a considerable beer/kebab-belly. Rock and ROLL! Luckily, I have too much confidence. The belly has to go though.

Note to all bald(ing) guys – concentrate on health and fitness. Clippers are cheap and bald is easily maintained. Win-win. Enough poncense.

The one with the hair is smiling, though.

Rachel