In the last 12 months life has handed me quite a shitty stick which ended up 3 months ago with me being signed off sick with depression.
My doctor in Wales said I was just exhausted but I was far worse than that.
I went back month after month and he just gave me pills. These pills were doing nothing so I asked him for more help.
I tried councellIng, acupuncture, homeopathy and nothing seems to work.
I did have some very dark thoughts that scared me a lot but could get no help.
I transferred my doctor to one in west berkshire where I work hoping that would improve the situation.
The doctor there said I was an urgent patient and would book me into a clinic to help.
This was 3 weeks ago and still have had no reply. I called them to ask regularly but noone can give me a date.
I am getting more and more desperate.
This fantastic national health is really not working for me.
I hate feeling like this and am scared of what I might do.
Can someone please tell me how I should get treatment.
I don't have money for private.
Chat Forum
Depression
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Posted 9 months ago #
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"Shitty stick". Describe.
Posted 9 months ago # -
go to your bike take it outside and ride it around, anywhere, it doesn't matter, don't even bother getting changed or looking for your helmet, just go and do it now!
Posted 9 months ago # -
Call the Samaritans they will be able to offer you some advice I'm sure and guidance through the nightmare that is the NHS mental health system.
Posted 9 months ago # -
We've all been there mate, you are not alone. Lots of us have suffered, the best thing you can do is pick yourself up and look forward to what you do have - there are lots worse off. Sounds like a cliche buts its true.
Perhaps read this about Mark, its very inspirational.
You can do whatever you want, yes you can.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Death of 2 close friends 1 week apart,, split up, got dvt, ex had cancer(after breakup), father had camcer scare,put on 3 stone, can't even look at my bike.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Many of us have been there... some of us are there with you now.
Practically, the problem with depression is that officially it's recognised as an illness, but commonly it's not given the same attention as a physical disease or injury with a definite prognosis etc.
All I can suggest is that you try to see the doctor who recognised the urgency of the situation again - perhaps he/she can get you that date.
The more the people who matter believe in you, the more chance you have of getting help.
You have my best wishes - and, please, let us know how things turn out.
EDIT: Apologies if the above sounds trite. Wish I could help more.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Sorry to hear all that but you're alive, and the world is your oyster.....
Posted 9 months ago # -
www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a4MR8oI_B8I've been there and its quite bloody awful.
I got out by making myself do things I used to enjoy.
I don't want to share over a public forum, but if you feel like you want to air, you can email me. lugzy69@aol.com
Posted 9 months ago # -
Speaking as someone who has lost friends, relatives, colleagues and parents to the Grim Reaper over the years, can I suggest that, sorrowful though these deaths are - it comes to us all, even you. One day, you too will be gone. As will I. As will every single person on this forum. All we can do is keep buggering on (to quote Winston Churchill).
Take a little time to:
Say goodbye to your two friends.
Say goodbye to your ex.
The good news is that your Father had a cancer scare. Not cancer (unless I misunderstand you?).
More good news is that there are more people who are available to be friends with, and your three stone is something to work on losing, so that you can be friends with your bike again.
Start now. Go out for a walk. Breathe in the air.
All is well, all will be well.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Have a reaf of RealMans joke thread... if you don't laugh then you've got one major thing going for you!
Other than that... get out and do some form of exercise..
Posted 9 months ago # -
iolo if you fancy a limp round penmachno at any pace you like give me a shout man. my email is in my profile i live fairly handy. currently battling shitty situation myself so if you fancy a no pressure pedal and a bleat about things your more than welcome.
Posted 9 months ago # -
feel for you mate - the demons / clouds can visit at any time - can be in reaction to stuff or simply uninvited as your brain chemistry f*&ks up.
all i can say is try different pills- i tried a few different types - they stop you thinking and from experience you can wake up in a few weeks and its like the sun has started shining and you can start to take steps to get yourself out of the hole.
badger your mates / family to see you
try to force yourself to do stuff - walk, watch a film, take a bath, be kind to yourself, cook food. little achievements are building blocks
drop me an email to vent dlightfoot5 @ hotmail.com
i saw a Comm Psychiatic Nurse privately - was excellent - borrow or beg the money its worth it
Posted 9 months ago # -
More good news is that there are more people who are available to be friends with
nonk - Member
iolo if you fancy a limp round penmachno at any pace you like give me a shout man.
There you go.
Posted 9 months ago # -
I have friends but the way I currently feel I keep away. I don't want anyone to see me like this.
Thanks for the offer of penmachno but I'm down In west Berkshire.Posted 9 months ago # -
There's a well-liked chap on here who felt pretty desperate a while ago. From what I gather, he stopped himself doing something, packed a small bag, and went walking. Weeks? Months? Not sure. Gave some things up, but realised he'd be giving up more if he didn't allow himself the time and space to realise how to find the joy in life.
Seems like he did. I've never spoken to him, just read his posts on here, but I hope he's still well.
Circumstances are different, I'm sure. I hope you find what you need.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Go back to the GP's. Any GP's you can get an appointment with and when you get in there, stare at him/her, slowly cry, tell him/her that you have an absolute overwhelming desire to run head first, as fast as you can at a wall so that then you can get some relief from the endless despairing tension and buzzing that you have going on in your head despite you having days where you are as giddy as 3 year old on a roundabout or are so despondent you can barely get out of bed.
Cry some more. A lot more.
You'll get taken to a quite room with the practice nurse and then some people will come in and talk to you in about an hour or so from the Crisis Team and they'll let you stay in there nice clean hospital while they start the long process of sorting you out.
Worked for me, anyway
Sorry, I shouldn't be flippant. It's one of them days today.Posted 9 months ago # -
iolo... drive yourself over to White Horse Hill... walk to the top.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Call Samaritans
Go and present yourself at your local surgery or A&E and tell them what's in your head
Print out what you've written above and take it with you.
And best of luck. IME depression seems to happen to the nicer people in this world.
Posting on here shows you've got what it takes to get better, the strength to fight it...Posted 9 months ago # -
iolo,
I feel for you. There seems to be a remarkable number of STWers who have been properly depressed, me included, but who have got through it. For me, I needed more than just the pills. I got some CBT and it made a world of difference. There is help out there but it can be difficult to motivate yourself to reach out for it but it is worth making that effort. I didn't share my problems with my friends but have talked to them since and I realise they would have been there to support me if I had talked to them. I needed professional help and probably you do too but talking to your friends might be a start. You can get through this. I'm not saying it wil be easy or quick but you can.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Yep definitely feel for you - try and find an outlet if you can. Some say artistic things like writing poetry / painting work. I have found writing poetry helps - even though it's pretty poor poetry I don't worry about the quality it's the getting the emotion out that counts.
As others have said just get out on your bike or just go for a walk in the woods - it's well attested that exercise and nature help.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Depression is a horrible thing to suffer from. I've had a pretty awful last 18 months which have encompassed health problems, work problems, trouble at home and the death of a parent and since the start of the year I've struggled with depression myself. It has only just started to lift in the last few weeks. It is only now I'm feeling more interested in taking control of my life again.
Depression is a tricky thing to deal with. For me the key has been to keep chipping away at the things I enjoy and the things that matter most to me, even when there have been days where my confidence and motivation has left me. It can be difficult to try and be spontaneous and just hop on your bike for a 'pick-me-up' ride; depression tends to suck all the joy of doing such things out of your life.
What I did was try to set aside times of the day when I would do certain things, gardening, exercise like walking or cycling, sorting though stuff in the garage (I work from home so have a bit of flexibility). At least if I had a time set aside in the day for these things I felt I was gaining some form of control over the situation, even if the resultant bike rides were slow and painful. Slowly but surely I began to feel the benefit of this approach and got more enjoyment from the resultant bike rides and walks.
If you are having trouble feeling motivated to ride why not consider new but complimentary activities? I've started getting back into photography and the more I have experimented with my camera the more I've thought of riding out to differen places to take a few photos. Its the little things that can make a big difference and sometimes all you need is to view a familiar situation from a fresh angle.
Good luck with your situation. As said above, the Samaritans are there to help all sorts of people experiencing all sorts of problems and you might find a chat to somebody new really useful. Keep bugging your doctor for help. You have recognised there is a problem that needs dealing with. That is a positive first step but it sounds like you may need a formal course of treatment to help with your recovery. I'd ring the surgery and see if they have sorted anything out and see if they can offer any advice on services you can access through the NHS.
Hang on in there, it does get better.
Posted 9 months ago # -
ah righto iolo, i thought that you lived up here for some reason.
anytime though if you do find yourself up these parts.
Posted 9 months ago # -
I have friends but the way I currently feel I keep away. I don't want anyone to see me like this.
I can understand that, but...
I didn't share my problems with my friends but have talked to them since and I realise they would have been there to support me if I had talked to them.
I friend in need and all that.....And of course good luck.
Posted 9 months ago # -
sounds to me that you are suffering from severe anxiety which has then led on to your feelings of depression.
Too many stressful life events close together can cause a stress overload - there is a tipping point for everyone. Your symptoms don't materialise overnight so, unfortunately, they don't go away overnight either. HOWEVER! with understanding of your situation and what has caused it you can break out of the rut you are in and slowly recover.
You arrive at a point, ever so slowly - almost so slowly over a period of weeks or maybe months that you don't even notice it happening - where finally your body can't take anymore.
You need a rest but instead of resting you add to the stress by constantly focussing your thoughts onto how bad you feel and why you feel the way you do and that you'll never feel good again and that other people recover but I won't.
This, in my opinion, is simply anxiety. The dark thoughts are all part of it. The mind plays tricks on you. It is not the thoughts that are causing you a problem - it is your biological reaction to them i.e. panic/fear therefore further feeding the cycle of anxiety and keeping you from breaking the cycle and allowing yourself to recover. Everyone has bizarre or strange thoughts from time to time however because you are emotionally and physically tired, you can't shrug them off the way everyone else does - you start to think they must be true or that you will, god forbid, act out on what you are thinking. You won't. The fact it upsets you means it is something you know you would never do. People in this state have been known to hide all the knives in their house because they are terrified they will get up in the night and murder their family. To those who haven't suffered - it may sound so ridiculous as to be funny however I can assure you it is not - it is hell. However, it can all be explained away as an over-tired mind playing tricks on you.
In my experience of NHS mental health care - none of the above was explained to me - I found it from a surprising source and it was my eureka moment where everything clicked into place and I was able to move forwards after 3 years of constantly fighting the way I was feeling.
Do not fear the dark thoughts - bad as they may be - you will be extremely surprised how common this symptom is - but because it is so horrible people do not want to talk about it for fear of the fear it may instill in other people who do not understand what you are going through. I can sympathise with you - I would not wish how this feels on my worst enemy, seriously. There will come a time when you can look back and laugh at how something so ridiculous scared you so much.
With the depression, you may feel that a minute lasts an hour and you count the hours until bedtime as sleep brings the only brief respite until you awake at 3 or 4am, wide-eyed and dreading the day ahead. Those early hours can be the lonliest of all. You are not alone - as bad and as isolated as it feels - what you are going through is very, very common and it is also very, very common for you to be able to make a complete recovery and get your life back.
There are some things you can try which helped me: -
A herbal remedy called Valerina. It is available online or from Boots - it is based on Valerian which is a plant. It took the edge right off the worst anxiety and depression for me when I was struggling at times. It can allow you a bit of breathing space in the day to gather yourself and feel what it is like to be relaxed again. Once you get the feeling, remind yourself that this is what normal feels like and that it will come back.
Don't be depressed when you feel down after feeling good for a while - it happens and you move onwards and upwards.
Do not google depression meds side effects - they will only scare you. Sure, there are horror stories out there but think of all the millions of people getting on with their lives who have been helped with medication.
Try not to wallow in self-pity - hard as it can seem at times - try and get out of bed in the daytime - although sometimes a 'duvet-day' can help! Get out on the bike - you may not enjoy it now but, given time - you will enjoy it again. Tell yourself that I am going to come back here in the future and remember how bad I felt today but that you'll take pride in forcing yourself to get on and do it.
Don't go daft with alcohol. Sure, a beer or two now and again is fine, but don't add to your problems by going on a bender.
Try and eat even if you struggle. Even a tin of soup if you have completely lost your appetite or some tuna mayo.
Plenty of water
Google Dr Claire Weekes - best literature I ever read on the subject.
Don't cut yourself off from people. Equally, don't bang on about how bad you feel to everyone. A bit like the biking comment above - it may not be enjoyable at first but you'll get back into the old way of life soon enough.
Don't trawl the internet searching for a magic bullet - everything takes time, sadly you won't feel instantly better in a day but maybe it'll take a couple of weeks or so but you'll feel it coming back in small steps.
Take care
Posted 9 months ago # -
Afternoon,
I don't care if you're fat. Come out for a ride with me next weekend, maybe at Swinley or Surrey hills. I'm happy to go slow, and I weep like a small child every other day so it won't worry me if you do.
And don't read this;
- the guy's an arse and he thinks he's funny.
Posted 9 months ago # -
I didn't have "depression" per-se, but I was very unhappy around 18 months ago. I didn't even bother with the NHS - I just went straight off and paid for counselling myself. It wasn't cheap and I had to take some time off work to attend the sessions (thank heavens for understanding bosses!) but it definitely helped.
Best wishes and all that - hope things get better for you.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Sounds like you need to feel like action is being taken to help you.
Trying another GP sounds like a good starting place to me.
Posted 9 months ago # -
bullheart - Member
Afternoon,
I don't care if you're fat. Come out for a ride with me next weekend, maybe at Swinley or Surrey hills. I'm happy to go slow, and I weep like a small child every other day so it won't worry me if you do.
Surrey Hills. Ooh, ooh, me too me too.
I'll have recovered from Cadair by then. If meeting ME doesn't make you feel better off, nowt will.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Google Dr Claire Weekes - best literature I ever read on the subject.
I can second this recommendation.
Helped me years back when I went through something similar.Posted 9 months ago # -
I found this site very useful a few years ago. Hope you get some proper treatment soon - depression is a disease and it is treatable. Just recognising this was a big help to me. It brought the issue into plain view, and helped me make more sense of what was going on in my head at the time.
Other things that have helped: St. John's Wort (herbal pills, try Boots); getting plenty of sleep (regular bedtime); eat as well as you can; don't drink too much. The other thing that helped me was getting a mountain bike, so maybe try taking yours out for a pootle soon as you feel up to it.
Posted 9 months ago # -
I have friends but the way I currently feel I keep away. I don't want anyone to see me like this.
I think this is what friends are for, actually.
We have a friend in a similar place to you. I know it sometimes feels a bit of a pain in the bum when he calls, but the fact is Mrs BigJohn and I are the only ones of his friends who visit him (200 miles away) or have him come to stay, and you know what? I feel privileged that he's let us in on his depression and we're able to make a difference. Which we are doing. And it's not catching so put away your embarrassment and get on the phone.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Surrey Hills. Ooh, ooh, me too me too.
And me!
I've been having a pretty rough time at the moment but felt planning things gave me something to work towards and to look forward to. Commit yourself to something you can't get out of whether it's a cycle ride or pub with friends. When you are out endeavour to have a good time and not to look for the bad things that give you an excuse not to do it again.
And talk to people. Often they say the same thing but everynow and again something clicks, even if all it is is they are saying it in a slightly different way.
Posted 9 months ago # -
i wish you all the best iolo in beating the dreaded depression.i have suffered with it for a fair few years.am not currently getting any treatment for it (as all the treatment i had didn't work for me/do not want medication either).the people on here are very good at offering words of advice/encouragement though (as you are seeing).one thing i would suggest is to talk/write how you feel (whether here/piece of paper/close friend)it really is bad to let it all build up.your friends wouldn't mind you letting off steam (especially after what you have gone through) i know that if any of my friends would feel down/depressed,i would be more than happy to listen to them,try and help.depression is a mother***ker but,it's sole purpose is to make your life bad (whether feelings/actions e.t.c) don't ever let it win.it has taken me a long time to start to realize that about it.my e-mail is in my profile if you want to talk further (but there are better people on here than me tbh who would be able to help (offer better advice) do not let the bastid illness beat you.good luck mate
adam
Posted 9 months ago # -
if you really want to get the attention of the GP and a faster and more urgently worded referral to the CMHT for an assessment.. then if its feeling that desperate get yourself down to a&e and you should be seen by the psych liaison nurse.
the west berkshire mental health services are going through a lot of changes at the moment and pretty much everyone i speak to on the phone has no idea if they've got a job to come the next day it seems... needless to say they're under a lot of pressure. i'm not making excuses for them but hopefully it might make it easier to understand why things are taking a while, its never anything personal or them dismissing your problems.
get out on your bike if you can, exercises does wonders for depression (and many other mental health problems) Samaritans are definitely a good call. as are these guys:
http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/helpline/
Here's a description of the services in your area:
http://www.westberks.gov.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1763
these guys would be your main point of contact:
http://www.westberks.gov.uk/CHttpHandler.ashx?id=239&p=0
contact numbers are at the end of that pdf.
hope this helps dude
Posted 9 months ago #
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