I’ve done something particularly stupid.
After Friday’s ride in the pouring rain I left my shoes in the hall to dry off. Unfortunately I didn’t stand them on any newspaper, so we now have a black cleat shaped mark that has soaked into the hideously expensive antique reclaimed oak parquet floor. It’s a good job that the missus is vegetarian as she may otherwise have bitten my face off. If it doesn’t sand out I’m going to face the firing squad at dawn.

Farwell my interweb friends. I can’t see The Spider surviving this one.

(Stands. Salutes, as the Last Post plays, forlornly, in the distance)

Do you get a final meal?

Yeah, and i’m cooking it. It’s the mother in law’s birthday party tonight.

I may ask to bring the execution forward.

Lesser of two evils, eh? 😯

Your lot don’t sound a happy one, mate.

Cigar and blindfold for the morning sir? Alternatively a large brandy and use a revolver in the study as a true gentleman would.

Buy her a rug and cover the stain

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This is how I covered a few oil stains, the wife hasn’t caught on yet

Your only hope…

Or if you are REALLY in deep sh*t…

Nah you need this.

Mind, you may end up dissolving your way down to Australia! 😀

Nah, you need this Here to help…. 😀

Follow Shaggy’s example, ‘It wasn’t me!’

Oxalic acid removes Iron stains pretty well or a half ‘n’ half mix of alcohol and thinners. With both you’ll have to remove the finish from the area first so as to allow the stuff to get into the timber……. If that all fails mix all three, drink in quantity and wait for the darkness to come 🙄

At the very least there’s accomodation in a small wooden hut at the bottom of the garden, with a small bowl of water, some dry biscuits and a bone, if you’re very lucky.

Joxster; that would right piss me off, bloody plant pots all over the place. I’d just trip over the bastards, and then they’d get lobbed through the window.

And please, put a saucer under that middle one.

“”Hello – French Polishers””!?!?

Don’t you have a small child you can pin the blame on?

Rusty Spanner – Member
Don’t you have a small child you can pin the blame on?

I do, but he has an alibi and he performed well under cross examination. Also, he doesn’t own any shoes with cleats in them.

Let’s face it… I’m monster-trucked.

What’s the floor like at the moment Harry? I know a fair bit about wood floors so might be able to help…? Can you post a pic?

Here you go. Any suggestions?

Have you considered Photoshop or a spot of the old Derrin Brown so she can’t see it?

(loving the term Monster Trucked BTW!)

Ah, it’s not so bad mate. At least it’s only one block so it can be worked on in isolation. Not like it’s part of a large plank or anything. I’d suggest using a fresh stanley blade held pretty much perpendicular to the surface of the block and then gently scrape the surface finish off. Be gentle and don’t angle the blade so that it digs into the timber. This should help expose the dark stain. Then, I’m afraid it’s going to be painstaking sandpapering (BY HAND). You’ll have to do the whole block but I reckon it’s not gone too far down into the timber. Try starting off with 60 grit, then 80 and finish with 120. If you’re having to remove a lot of wood, then do the adjoining block too.

Then finish with whatever was used before (hopefully you should have some?).

Best of luck.

Ta. That’s my afternoon sorted then.

Joxster – Can’t work out if you’re joshing, but that picture made me smile anyway.

“No darling, nothing’s wrong with the carpet, I just think the plant looks best there.”

I’d be careful watering that one with no tray underneath though.

😉

Ta. That’s my afternoon sorted then.

[quote]

I’m sure Mrs Spider will appreciate the site of you on your hands and knees scrubbing.

The lamb shanks worked out OK then?

Move the rug 3 to 4 inches?

The annoying thing is that it has absolutely no resemblance to a religious icon, or Mother Theresa, or Susan Boyle, or anyone else that could be used as a sign of good fortune or divine intervention….
Had that happened, you’d be blameless, and in the cash no doubt as you’d be charging the pilgrims and journos a pretty penny to pay their respects.

Nah. Even with squinty eyes and a rotated screen it’s still rubbish. Sorry for you mate. Bad luck.

It looks a bit like a prancing horse with a big bushy tail.

It looks a bit like a prancing horse with a big bushy tail.

Or a bull. In sort of mid-stomp, attacking a matador.

To me, it looks a bit like a silhouetted mountain, with some snow-covered pine trees in front. There’s a bit of cloud slightly obscuring the hill on the right.

It looks to me like a lot of nagging if I can’t shift it.

How about this? Apply paint in the places I’ve indicated and now it *does* look like Jesus, with a big bushy moustache. Your wife can’t possibly complain about it now, it’s sacred!

if she mentions the stain simply direct her to this post and tell her she must be imagining things and wouldn’t she like a sit down and a cup of tea.

Yeah, tell a woman she must be imagining things. They *love* that. 😉

I was sure this thread was going to be about Gordon Brown.

Thanks for the tip about the Stanley Knife blade Mr Darcy. Most of the stain came off with the wax coating.

Unfortunately while I was doing the repair I left the down stairs loo door open and my son put his arm down the khazi, so I’m still in the dog house.

Oooh – I’d call that a win.

[smug]So would I.[/smug]

I left the down stairs loo door open and my son put his arm down the khazi

pre- or post- flush ??

I recall one time I was peeing and my 18 month daughter came to watch and then put her hand in the stream :o)

edit: stream of pee…

Why were you peeing in a stream. You’re supposed to be at least 50m from a water course 😉

You’re supposed to be at least 50m from a water course

really ? I always find it quite satisfying to pee into running water and think “Drink THAT suckers!” :o)