All the best DebZ. x

Sorry to hear that Dez.

My Dad is a boring bugger who annoys me with his presence if we’re in the same room for more than 10 minutes. We’ve got close on nothing in common. He’s a tactless eejit sometimes; he once said something to my wife that I can never forgive him for. He also gave me the world’s shittest middle name.
He can’t swim or ride a bike, BUT he taught me to ride when I was 3 so therefore is the most influential person in my life, and I love him for that.

I find this subject hard. Never had a relationship with my Dad that I’m aware of. I used to/still think they resented me as a child and as a result am not close. They definately and still do favor my younger brother.

As I’ve grown older and more appreciative of lives challenges with a family – which due to my own circumstances I have much easier than they did – I’m wondering whether I was part to blame for some of that, but can you be as a kid who doesn’t understand those issues?

My dads starting to get ill now and I’m not and emotive person so am struggling how to behave or feel if he gets ill and/or pops off. I’m inclined to try to remain in ignorance but of course it won’t be possible.

Part of me acknowledges this to the point I’ve been very careful to having a loving relationship with my own kids to the point they love and are recipricol to my times and cuddles. My son hang’s my biking medals on his bedpost – the kind of thing I never remember my parents doing.

*shrugs*

Dezb – my thoughts are with you and I hope the coming time enables you, despite the sadness, to be in a good place, able to find closure and preserve positive memories that are important to you and yours for ever.

Nothing ,not one thing*, at all can I think to thank him for, never mind great.

Hard as it is for you today Dez [ and others] at least you will have the memories. Some of us dont even have that

* I promised to not be like him with my kids, does that count? I had a similar experience. The legacy of my Dad’s behavior has caused me many issues through my adult life. I spent many years trying to rationalise and work out why he treated my mum so badly and why he left home when I was a kid and why I never saw him again, but as I got older I realised that simply he was a alchoholic, lonely and probably suffered from depression. It still makes me feel bitter now writing this, but it has helped me learn to enjoy people who genuinely have something to give and to move on from those who are a negative drain on energy and life

One thing he taught me was to chill the eff out cos in reality there is not alot in life that really matters most things are so trivial. God i miss him so much, I go through periods of pretty much non stop thoughts about him then a few months will pass without a thought. He died April 2013. I know see that I will never get used to him not being here, just live with the fact that he isn’t.

I couldn’t name just one thing.

My father was a man of integrity, a gentleman, hardworking, decent, kind and very funny.
He gave myself and siblings a happy, secure childhood with lots of love.
He was also very strict but fair.
He gave me a love of cycling.
He helped me start off my business when I was quite young, which allowed me to be totally independent of anyone but myself.

I’m so sorry Dez and others to hear you are losing your dads.
bunnyhop x

He Left.

Opened the door for a stepdad who worked his balls off to support us.

I lost my dad 7 years ago so thoughts going out to you Dez.
My dad worked like a trojan, two jobs at times too make ends meet and ensure we had everything we needed. I realise now how hard that must have been.
He gave me a love of sport, his was football and he was born outside Chelsea football ground so i share his passion, and when we moved to Devon we spent many saturday afternoons on the terrace at Torquay United.
He never swore or drank, and was well mannered and old school.
He used to pick us up from gigs as teenager and we had seen the Damned and in the encore they were going on about getting BJ’s from the queen backstage and generally being obscene, but great when your 15. After the gig dad said was it good, yeah brilliant we all replied piling into the car; he just said; yes thought so, they let me in and i was at the back for the last 20 minutes. (car went very quiet).
Top bloke, and he died way to early.

My father died from cancer in 1999 so I know what you guys are going through, we were all with him to the end. My thoughts are with you, from what I can gather on here you’re all good fathers.

My father had trouble showing his emotions but he loved all 3 of his kids very much I’m sure. One time I was fixing a puncture, in my 12 yrs of inexperience I didn’t let the glue dry before applying the patch. Everytime I put the patch on and put it back in the water there was a constant stream of bubbles, so I just put another load of glue on and another patch over the ‘hole.’ Got to the point where I had used 5 patches one over the top of each other in a right old mess. My dad came in saw what I had done ‘you silly sod’ he says, ripped the load off and did it properly. Strangely I *always* remember this when mending a puncture now and stood at the sink. Crying now. Love to all with and without fathers.

he knobbed his secretary which meant my mum dropped him like a hot potato and meant I grew up quickly, I thank him for that but only that. He continues to be a bell end. It also means I know the value of fidelity and fatherhood to my three girls, cheers dad. I owe you one.

Not being funny, but does infidelity teach fidelity?When I stood up and said my groom’s speech I commented on how the strength of both my parents’ and my bride’s parents relationships were things I held dear and I hoped I could emulate in my life.

I have a lot to thank my Dad for, he grew up with no father figure and lived with his gran. He and my Mum have raised 4 great (IMO) children who turned it to hard working, well disciplined, well mannered, enthusiastic, honest and reliable adults.

My Dad ran us to and from Swimming competitions, picked us up after training, ran me and my younger brother all over the UK for Ice and roller hockey tournaments, used to finish night shift, come home and go do his second job on a Friday then run us through to Edinburgh to training at 22:30.

Never missed a swimming event, or game. He used to and still says “the best thing you can give your kids is roots and wings”

Roots so you know where home is and know you always welcome and loved there
Wings so you can fly the nest and discover all life has to offer.

He was and is still my harshest critic after hockey games, still shouts for me to work harder.. Even if I’m on the verge of boking with so much skating.. Still urges me to continue when my shoulder pops out, but knew I was properly injured last year when I snapped my ACL. Came on to the ice and helped me off.

My Dad is a legend, a role model, a mate and a top bloke. 71 this year and still skates twice a week, walks my sisters dog every day and cycles or walks to the paper shop every day.

If I can be half the man my Dad is as my life progresses then I’ll die a happy chappy.

I love my Dad to bits.. And now it’s dusty here..

Bye.

Dad liked to drink, everything else was secondary. My mum left him and did her bit, then pretty much gave up when I was about 12 (by her own admission). She was glad when I joined up so that she could set up home with the new bloke. I’m grateful that they get me to that point, I’m nice to them, I smile, but I don’t forget what was a pretty ****ing miserable childhood.
I will make sure I’m unlike either of them, I’d not treat someone like that. My boy deserves better.

Made me a little flying saucer out of 2 jam tart foil cups and hung it on my bed whilst I was asleep. Don’t know why but that has really stuck with me.

Don’t know why but that has really stuck with me.

And it made me smile a little inside too 🙂

I recently made beertop frogs for my girls (a bottle lid folded in half with a face tippexed on). My kids adore them 🙂

My dad was a quiet guy but he was always there and had a vast knowledge of many things – as an architect he loved any form of building project.

He helped me in more ways than I can imagine. I miss him dearly even though he died 6 years ago 🙁

Loved my Mum with all his heart

Told me that he had complete faith and no fear of dying

Showed me how to run a global business

Stood on the touchline for (nearly) every match

Extolled the value of investing in education (even in retirement)

Despite (2) I shed a single tear every day. Mum’s in intensive care now too 🙁 (well just out actually)

Thoughts to everyone with ill/lost parents – treasure them while you can. Best wishes Dez, sorry to hear this.

He used to and still says “the best thing you can give your kids is roots and wings”

Great advice.

My dad isn’t the man I grew up with, he’s had chronic MS for 24 years and is a shell of the dad I grew up with, he can’t do anything for himself now and relies on my mum & carers for everything.

He got me into playing rugby, he was a pretty useful hooker in his day. I grew up playing mini rugby until I was about 12/13 then I rebelled and didn’t pick up a ball again until I was 21, when my dad was diagnosed. I wanted to do something to make him proud of me, I realised I’d missed rugby, I loved playing, met lots of great folk and was alright at it as well. Although he’s never said it to me I’m certain he was proud as punch the day I ran out onto the pitch for the first 15…

I miss the dad he was.

My Dad was the person that introduced me to the outdoors. We’d go for evening walks when we were camping and I often still recall him when I smell pine, hear the sound of rushing water etc. He worked his socks off to support us but family holidays were all the more precious for that reason.

In some ways, I never really got to mourn his passing. All my attention focussed to my Mum who basically gave up on life then and didn’t last much longer.

What I did do was go for a wee bike ride to give me some time to get my head straight. http://www.blog.scotroutes.com/p/a9-mini-tour.html

For those facing a loss, I’d certainly suggest putting some time aside for reflection.

.

my dad wasnt a cyclist…i doubt he even knew how to ride one and if he did he never showed it …he bought me my first bike when i was about 2 and every year would get me a replacement.
money was tight back then so these new bikes werent always new but second hand ones…but i didnt care…they were new to me
i had sever asthma as a child and spent most of my childhood in hospital. his logic was that something like cycling would help be build up the strength/fitness to be able to overcome my asthma problems…
i’ve not had any asthma related issues since i was 13 so he must have been right
the last bike he bought me was a brand new bmx when i was 10 and i kept that until my early twenties when i foolishly sold it….dad’s been gone for 11 years and in every one of those 11 years i’ve regretted selling that bike

he got me into riding bikes even though he had no interest in it himself
he’s inspired me to do the same with my kids and i’m forever grateful to him for that.

this thread got me thinking and another thing that sticks in my mind about my dad is the day i saw him flip his lid…
i was playing football at the end of our street when i was about 10 and one of the boys there started swearing at me and throwing stones at me. rather than start a fight with him i went and told his grandad who was stood outside the house. the grandad then placed both hands around my throat and tried to strangle me…he only let go when another neighbour saw what was going on and shouted at him to stop. he ran into the house with his grandson and i legged it home in tears and told my dad what happened.
my dad went and knocked on the door to ask what had happened and the old guy answered the door and pulled a knife on my dad. my dad then backed off and then ran into another neighbours house and returned a minute later with a steel bar in his hand. he was absolutely livid and nearly killed the old guy. it took 5 of my dads friends to drag him off the old man and his son who had now got involved…no police got called and after that incident the family steered clear of me.
that day my dad went from hero to superhero in my eyes

Thanks for the words of support and the contributions to this thread. Wanted it to see dads in a positive light, but we all have our different experiences and it’s great to read about them.

Without the support of the hospital medical equipment my dad couldn’t fight any more and died just before my brothers and I turned up to see him.

He was a really keen photographer, so we’ve got memories going back to our earliest years and it’s lovely to look back over this stuff.
Also my favourite photo of me aged about 14, skateboarding in Plymouth. He took the whole family on holiday down there just because I wanted to ride at Plymouth’s newly built skatepark.

Deepest sympathy DezB.

Very sorry.
What a brilliant thread.

My dad gave me his DNA, fine ginger-haired looks, low BMI, quickness of thought, ADD and a life-long appreciation of road safety (sadly). I’m 18 years older than him and have very few memories from childhood. And to end on a positive note, my Grandad was a superhero who looked after children into his 90’s, could build anything, and was grounded in a tolerance two generations before his time. I miss him very much.

Best thing my Dad (and Mum) ever did for me was to always make me feel loved and protected. He was a great Dad and I miss him very much.

It does get better though Dez, time is a great healer. Can’t believe it’s nearly 12 years since I lost my Dad.

My sympathies DezB.

My dad is probably the most honest person I know, and while it can be infuriating at times it’s something I appreciate more and more as time goes on.

My dad gave the Nazis a good kicking all over Europe when he was a very young man. Although as a child he always reassured me he had only ever shot a chicken, but I know the war had a great impact on him. He will be 91 next month.

My dad died 8 years ago. Complicated relationship, he was infuriatingly decent, somewhat stubborn, had many foibles (which I think I’ve inherited). A value for integrity, somewhat childish, decent man. Well respected, travelled widely, hill walking and music were both long standing passions and again I’ve inherited those. He managed to get himself evacuated from Glasgow in 1940 – aged only 15 – to NZ, quite a ship journey and something he never really talked about.

Think about him – not every day necessarily but I find myself thinking about him almost more as the years go past, and miss his backing. A sense of family as well was key – feel sad immeasurably that he won’t see what our children have achieved (and will achieve).

My Dad used to ‘borrow’ my paper round money to fund his alcoholism , but thats irrelevant.
Some of you will know (most won’t ) that me and Dez ride together sometimes , and he is the nearest STW’er to me geographically . Its great as we are pretty much the same age and std of riding .- fair to middling with a dash of skill thrown in .

I met Dezb senior a couple of times . He was respectful and quiet and very unassuming. Life can be a MF at times and losing family is one of those times.

If you want to chat or whatever you know where I am . RIP Mr B.

I’m sad to hear that, dezb and saxonrider on the other thread. But there comes a time for all of us, and when that time can’t be delayed any further, I’m glad that it passed as smoothly as it could.

Silent glass raised to Dads everywhere.

Sincerest condolences to you Dez. I’m very sorry for your loss.

I never got to say goodbye to my lovely papa when he passed away as I was at school. I still wish I could have 2 more minutes with him as I know his love of cars, bikes and anything mechanical rubbed off on me. 20 years since he died and I still miss him. I also know he would be proud of the man I have become and the fact I drive lorries for a living, he would have loved to hear where I had been etc.. Not the same as loosing a father mind you but still makes me sad he isn’t around.

I have good memories of him though. Hold on to yours at this difficult time and help each other through.

Stay stong Dez. Wifi man hugs to you.

I can vividly remember my gran said something that stuck with me. “If you haven’t anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.”

My condolences to those who miss their dads. But if you miss them it must have been good while it was happening…

My dad is an utter warrior.

Got me into biking on hand-me-down bikes, encouraged me to save up for things I wanted (specifically thinking about my first bike). Continues to work his backside off to support the family (I’m the youngest of three, and all of us have moved away to go to uni).

I broke my elbow a few years back, and he came straight from a long shift to spend at least four hours in hospital with me, until I pretty much had to force him to go and get some food before he passed out. Once I’d had my surgery and was starting physio (not fun), I noticed he was beginning to grow a beard (hadn’t had time to shave as he’d been running between bed, work and hospital for a week). I joked that he should grow it until I had full movement back.

13 weeks later he looked like a bear.

Once I was back on the bike properly, he took me out at least once a week for several months, for proper father-son bonding and all that jazz, then one day he came a cropper on a big jump while I was in front of him. I finished the run, and waited for him, and waited, and waited.. when I eventually went back up (walking, then jogging, running, sprinting.. you know that feeling you get in your stomach when all of the worst case scenarios run through your head?), he was sat on the track, nowhere near his bike, with one shoulder near his belly button. Wanted to drive to A&E, typical tough man. Refused pain killers when the paramedics finally arrived, wanted to wait until it “hurts enough to be worth the bother”. Turns out he had broken his collarbone, three ribs, wrist, punctured a lung, and picked up a healthy amount of grazing and concussion. They didn’t find out until weeks later (when a concerned physio decided something didn’t feel right) that he’d actually broken his elbow as well.. the elbow which they’d been using as leverage for his shoulder rehab.

Throughout the whole thing, never once did I hear a word of complaint.

I could go on.. One Christmas, he built us a soapbox using scrap wood and an old pram. Still the best present ever.

Reading threads like this makes me realise how lucky I am to still have him around, and makes me want to learn as much from him as I can in whatever time we’ve got left. If I can be half the man my dad is one day, I’ll be very, very proud.

I’m sorry I’ve not been around for most of this week to comment on a couple of threads – this one and SaxonRiders.

Firstly my condolences to you DezB.

Secondly, my dad is still my hero. He was not perfect but he admitted his mistakes when he made them and always put the effort in to make things right. He had integrity, principles and worked so hard to make a good life for us. He was there with open arms – whatever I did or said. He told me every day he loved me – even as an adult. When I needed good advice he gave it and when I needed to talk he listened.

I remember the good times skimming pebbles on Brighton beach and eating strawberry splits. I remember listening to The Animals and Hindi film music on Saturday mornings. I remember also that during his final illness I had an unrelated breakdown and during one phone call in particular lot of my feelings and confused thoughts spilled out. I apologised for being selfish when he was unwell and he said simply “It’s my job – I’m your Dad.”

What did I learn from him…? Tell and show people you love them. Help people whenever you can. Admit and face up to your mistakes. Don’t be perfect but do try. Always be there for your children.