Has this been done a la Top Gear? Anyway, I'll start and don't take it too seriously, just think Top Gear banter and p!ss taking.

Any Nicolai – seriously uncool
SC Heckler – uncool
Commencal Mini DH – cool
Transition TransAm – sub zero

here we go 😉

Sits back with a cup of tea………

Sub Zero – errrrrrrrrrr!

I disagree with all your choices bar the uncool Heckler Rickos. Good start then!

Cool wall – uncool

Every Nicolai is automatically sub-zero. They're the kind of bikes owned by people with an eye for true quality and customization, not the biggest name or the latest fad. And those are the coolest people.

Besides, those bikes are works of arrrrrt. They're indestructible.

Commencals try too hard to be cool. The Mini Dh is a sick idea but it's uncool.

Agree on the heckler.

TransAm is definitely sub-zero.

Now, some submissions:

Ibis Mojo – Cool
Giant Anthem X – Cool
Orange 5 – Uncool
Ragley Ti (yes, I understand it's a brilliant ride and all that but still( – Uncool
Trek Fuel EX – Seriously Uncool

all bikes are seriously uncool when you start applying the rules of the cool wall.

Jones – uncool
Matt Chester – cool

Colnago Ibex – sub zero.

an eye for true quality and customization, not the biggest name or the latest fad

Woah daddy! Does that mean my Boardman Pro is cool?!

I'd say Ragley Ti is cool for now, but I reckon it'll slip down to uncool pretty quickly.

Anything you see moe than 3 of when out for a ride – uncool

Pashley Guvnor -sub zero
Swobo Crosby – cool
Anything by Spesh – uncool
Litespeed – seriously uncool (& I own 2 oops)

Any Curtis – sub-zero
Any old skool BMX except Raleigh Burner series – cool
Specialized S-Works – uncool
Specialized Pitch – can't make my mind up on that. Is it the Mondeo of bikes – brilliant at what it does for great value and therefore cool, or is it uncool for being so common?

Obviously anything thats full sus has to be uncool.

I'll get me coat

that trans am will be ridden by audi drivers.

nicola's are only appreciated by emo/goth/industrial self harmers – might have warrented a cool a couple of years back but now its more cringeworthy than your grandad copping a feel of your girlfriend during a slow dance at a wedding reception.

it will be a rare exception from the major brands to scrape cool (spesh/giant/trek)

Yeti 575 – seriously uncool
Yeti DJ – cool

cool.
redline 925
pipedream torrero

"nicola's are only appreciated by emo/goth/industrial self harmers"#

wtf? Only this set of people appreciates them?

What is an industrial self harmer?

A Landrover Defender is cool (if used correctly), pretty ugly, but with a certain workman-like balance and charm; an effective tool if you will. Ergo a Cannondale Prophet is cool.

Pretty bikes are cool too; an Intense Tracer is cool, the Ferrari 458 Italia is a good analagy; thoroughly modern and purposeful, yet elegant and slightly dainty with a clear acknowledgement of the company's history.

Flailing mudguard-type attachments and coloured tyres are the MTB equivilant of a body-kitted Saxo; seriously uncool.

while related to the suburban self harmer an industrial self harmer prefers his welds to be more visable.

there is a historical linkage to the agricultural self harmers from the turn of the century, but these are rarely seen these days.

Any 'boutique' brand is by definition uncool. If you have to explain to people what it is then it can't be cool.

Any Nicolai – seriously uncool

Yes

SC Heckler – uncool

😮 How could you? Only uncool in teh way ebamers/audis are – good at what they do and only those secure enough about themselves will choose them :P.

My verdict:

Specialized Stumpjumper Epic 1990 (yes my old one will do)
Any steel Fat Chance or Ritchey.

Whyte 19 ti – cool

The only bike I can think of that has any place on the cool wall is the Yuba Mundo.

Being cool has nothing at all to do with popularity, or nicheness. NOTHING.

Nicolis will never be cool because they are gopping and the transfers are on the wrong way.

Sub Zero?
I'd say an early Spesh Stumpjumper is possibly sub-zero. Curtis.

Cool?
Early FSRs because JMC rode one. Or a REAL Hei-Hei. Quite possibly Inbreds (Like Landrovers are)

Uncool?
Giant & Scott, because they look cheap and always have done. most Ti-frames because they try too hard. Anything with a hub gear.

Seriously Uncool?
Anything without 2 26in wheels. Jones (What a pile of tosh) Turner, because they change their suspension designs more often than thir underwear and give pish reasons as to why.

I think GT bikes are cool.

Turner, because they change their suspension designs more often than thir underwear and give pish reasons as to why.

Trek did it years earlier…

Being cool has nothing at all to do with popularity, or nicheness. NOTHING.

Wrong. If something is very popular and becomes ubiquitous it can't be cool anymore. See the decline of Audi's coolness as more and more people have bought them. Or any number of bands once they made it big.

cynic-al – I meant the new Heckler, so yours is OK.

soobalias – loving the Nicolai lovers description. Shall I tell our little emo friend?

all my bikes are cool

thats because i ride them

Ibis Tranny – Cool.

Nobody mentioned Marins?

Well, I like my new Heckler….

And, no I'm not cool..

Anything by Spesh uncool they're riden by people who think they're cool. IME
In fact most of the peg bikes are uncool imo

IMO being the important word/bit in there!

Cool: Steel and ti Kona's from the '90's

Orange P7 – cool

Me riding my P7 – uber cool 8)

Well I must be the uncoolest guy on the face of this planet,

Heckler & Audi! oh my things are looking bad 🙁

Is Heckler and Audi the new Cannondale and BMW? 😀

Turners – the only cool ones are the 4 bar ones.
Spesh, Trek, Giant – all uncool – no exception no appeal.
Santa Cruz – anything – uncool, it doesn't even make a difference that I have one.
Jones – Uncool
Nicolai – cool
Vintage Kona Hei Hei or Explosif – Sub Zero
Singlespeed – Uncool
Dodgy Beards and Singlespeeds – uncool
Singular – possibly cool
H Bars – cool
Spesh Pitch – exception to the Spesh rule – Hot as the sun! ie very not cool! 😀