Open his car with a gadget off eBay then hide some frilly knickers and goose fat in his glovebox.

a polite notice on a cone – I’d like to think – would appeal to people’s better nature.

I genuinely think that’s your best approach. Well, your best opening gambit, anyway.

Steal a car and then burn it out in the space outside your house! Repeat as necessary for whenever tradesmen are visiting. Be sure to call the authorities in time to have it moved before your tradesmen arrive.

You don’t need to steal a car, one is being provided.

That’s less fun though Cougar 🙄

Simple.

https://m.alibaba.com/product/60609993474/White-Custom-Shape-Outdoor-Inflatable-Car.html?s=p&spm=a2706.7843667/c.1998817009.11.VlTMuG

If they persist in parking there after you’ve asked nicely, you can always follow up with a passive-aggressive “park here at your own risk, but please be warned that workmen in vans will be in the area and trying to squeeze past.” (-:

Passive-aggressive means not saying anything. http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/what-is-passive-aggressive-behaviour

I would cover the cones in axle grease, that will be the last time they try to pick them up

Sprinkle the pavement with patches of broken toughened grass and put a burning sofa on your front lawn.

Encourage your neighbours to do the same – think of it as ‘Britain in Gloom’ – everyone mucking in and playing their part. Maybe get some trainers dangling from the telegraph wires and so on.

Tourists clogging up the parking will soon be a distant memory. Soon all the village shops and cafes will be boarded up and the jobs a good-un.