I can feel a rant coming on. I’ll try to keep the spittle off the screen, if I can. It’s about cyclists in traffic and my surprising growing dislike of them.

Here is my ‘I’m not a racist but…’ section. I think that bicycles for transport instead of cars is a good vision for the future. I even imagine folks doing long cross-the-country trips with inns to stop, sleep and refuel, much like inns in the days of stagecoaches. I could even tolerate electric bicycles, though I would be a little taken aback if my daughter came home with one.

But driving around town, there are so many numpty cyclists on the roads (and on the footpaths, ringing their bells at me!) that I think that the anti-cyclist motorist does actually have a point. Tonight on my way home there were three (!) separate cyclists riding in dark clothes, without lights or helmets – one drifting down the middle of the lane as if a) I’d seen him in the dark, and b) he wasn’t causing a traffic obstacle. They are like unregistered chav motorcyclists without a license, being idiots in traffic.

Are these clueless cyclists johnny-come-lately types, that think a lurid-coloured fixie is a great way to get about and pull chicks in skinny jeans? (Oh, hang on, even the blokes wear skinny jeans now. Um.)

Ah, anyway, a poor rant indeed, but I do feel better. Flame away. Are hipster cyclists in traffic giving the rest of us a bad name?

I conclude you live in the wrong place.

ain’t that the truth, but that is a whole other topic…

I was heckled by a youth in a taxi last night in rush hour traffic. Caught up with them at the lights and politely asked what his comment was as I didn’t hear it due to the Doppler effect. “you is in da way init” came the faux gangster reply from the scrawny bag of nothing sat in the passanger seat.

Clearly not, as we are both at the same point at the same time and as a legitimate road user, I’m as entitled to use the carriageway same as anyone else.

“der is bits at da side for you init” came the reply.
I pointed out that due to the broken lines and parked cars, they were advisory. I thanked him for his advice but told him I’d chosen not to take it.

Taxi driver was trying not to laugh too hard the whole way through this exchange.

Playing events through in my mind since, and realising that I’ve not actually increased the understanding and tollerance of the oxygen thief, I wish I’d just reached in through the open window and twatted him.

You get knobs on bikes and you get knobs behind the wheel. What I really don’t understand is why passengers feel the need to be knobs. It’s none of their business.

Some people are dicks and some of them ride bikes.

You’re confusing cyclists with people on bikes, just like we confuse drivers with people in cars. You get a few decent cyclists and a few decent drivers, the rest are just people doing their best to wing it as best they can. Then there are the cocks, cocks are cocks no matter what they’re doing.

Agreed. But they are the people on bikes that motorist notice most of all. It will be bicycles with license plates before long. Oh, I sound like an old bloke now.

ain’t that the truth, but that is a whole other topic…

I’m not sure it is. I’m amazed at the number of people I meet who aren’t happy with their life and have done **** all about changing it. If they put the effort they do moaning into either improving things for everyone or changing their situation they’d be a lot happier.

It will be bicycles with license plates before long. Oh, I sound like an old bloke now.

No, you sound like an american 😉

You get knobs on bikes and you get knobs behind the wheel. What I really don’t understand is why passengers feel the need to be knobs. It’s none of their business.

I don’t think people “feel the need” they just are, therefore they behave like that. Unfortunately he probably thought the taxi driver was laughing at you (maybe he was). Actually what the passenger wanted was a reaction, he doesn’t care if there was a reasoned debate or not, he feels smart for having wound you up. Your interaction with him will make it more likely he’ll do it again, not less.

Some motorists are responsible for around 5 deaths every day on UK roads, over 80% of pedestrian injuries and 95% of accidents resulting from ignoring traffic signals. Do you think they are giving the rest of us a bad name?

So you think I should have twatted him then? 😉

No, you sound like an american

Ouch. My humblest apologies indeed. Number plate, number plate, number plate.

A driver turned left across me last night on the way home. I slammed on the brakes and she went past about a foot from my front wheel. A second or two earlier and I could have been under the back wheels. Unfortunately the majority voice of this country is people who don’t cycle, so any call to make the roads safer is drowned out by people complaining about the small minority of irresponsible cyclists, in the worry that they’ll be held up by a couple of minutes on their way to work, or have a few pounds of their council tax spent on something that won’t directly benefit them.

I am fortunate enough to have moved to Munich last year. Here we have separated, wide cycle lanes, not lines painted on an existing road or pavement. I cycle everywhere, and always did in the UK.

I am now totally spoiled. I have right of way crossing sideroads, and never have to stop, I am separated from pedestrians, whom I am dangerously faster than. I am separated from cars that are dangerously faster than me. Traffic lights have car, cycle and pedestrian lights, and there are proper signs signalling where the cyclist has right of way etc. There are directional cycle lanes on each side of the road, so I do not have to worry about oncoming bikes in a narrow cycle lane. Everyone has a bike, and everyone uses them. Problems just do not happen. I certainly do not have to conform to the wildly varying personal standards that motorists expect cyclists to follow.

Even all the trains have plenty of space, in every carriage, for several bikes, even the underground and inner-city overground trains. I have not had, or seen, an “incident” in the last year.

I have come to the, unsurprising, conclusion that the UK infrastructure just does not support bikes, and that cyclists are squeezed into tight spaces and the resulting conflict from people who are simply busy and/or in a hurry and/or stressed and/or tired (be that either the cyclist, pedestrian or motorist, or all three), is simple inevitable.

Until the UK gets proper cycling infrastructure, which will cost billions (more than a few tins of red paint and some white lines) and take decades. Until then, whenever cycling in the UK, I will just try and remain patient, or pity the poor cyclist in my way when driving, or stay out of the way of the cyclist heading right at me as a pedestrian. I will fail sometimes, as I, like you, and sometimes bust, tired, stress and in a rush, but I will hopefully remember these things, be grateful that I live somewhere with proper cycling infrastructure, and hope the UK continues to catch up, hopefully faster than currently.

Amen to that, robdeanhove

So many youths on bikes without lights after dark, I just don’t get it. Tesco/sports direct/quid shops all sell sets of lights for very little money so they all must have chosen not to have lights on. Why not? If you could increase the chances of not getting killed why wouldn’t you?

I see people driving down the middle of the road, wearing dark clothes and no helmet all the time doesn’t bother me.

The people on bikes are not an obstacle, well no more than you are and their transgressions cause much less harm yours do.

Chill a bit, share and play nice. .

Just to add, the new fashion in my parish is that the wearing of a high viz jacket removes the need to have lights at night.

numpty cyclists […] on the footpaths, ringing their bells at me!

2/10 on a scale of 0 to Stewart Lee.

I have come to the, unsurprising, conclusion that the UK infrastructure just does not support bikes

Not that it’s the case in every European city with good cycle infrastructure, but much like most UK cities, Amsterdam was infested with cars and only lobbying by parents and cyclists changed that.

(I’m envious of your access to a decent cycle network).

But still far less than is spent on infrastructure for cars, providing far better VFM in terms of reducing road congestion – every chav on a bike is one less chav driving a car and actually endangering other people.