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Christmas moral dilema

51 posts & 46 voices | Started 2 years ago by project | Latest reply from neverfastenuff

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project - Member

Firstly i hate christmas,and all the comercialised trappings.I have no family,or kids.

This year a freind and her family,want me to spend Boxing Day with them at an up market hotel,for Christmas Lunch,cost about 36 quid upwards,which they are paying for me,as a Christmas present(but i dont believe in wasting that amount of money on a meal when there are people sleeping on the street,and going hungry),and dont want them to pay for me,so i have said i have other plans.

This seems to have caused a problem for them.

So should i go and accept their very kind hospitality,and possibly be upset because i no longer have any parents,and no kids,and cant do the happy families thing.

or,
Should i go and try and enjoy a free meal,be chatty and funny as per usual even though deep down im really depressed at Christmas.

or
Should i refuse,appologetically and go for a ride.

Posted 2 years ago #
Stoner - Member

and I thought I was scroogelike

Posted 2 years ago #
mikewsmith - Member

go get drunk cause a scene, they will wish they had never invited you and never do so again!! Or possibly tell them how you feel

Posted 2 years ago #
iDave - Member

option B, or give them my number

what gives you the right to deny friends the pleasure of your company, which they clearly value?

Posted 2 years ago #
ourmaninthenorth - Member

I should go, accept the meal bought for you (which is a nice gesture, and hardly wildly extravagent in the bigger picture) and regale them with stories of the volunteering work you did at the local homeless shelter on Christmas Day.

Posted 2 years ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

There is no need to feel obliged to do something you don't want to do - especially at christmas - one beauty of the no kids / no family is that you can please yourself.

Thank them profusely. Make an arrangement to meet for a drink another day. Ask them to send the £36 to Oxfam. go for a bike ride

Posted 2 years ago #
xherbivorex - Member

alternatively, if you genuinely feel that strongly about it then maybe talk to your friends and explain why the idea of such an expensive meal makes you quite uncomfortable and you're not opposed to accepting their offer simply in order to upset them. If they're good friends and have a modicum of intelligence then they'll understand.
also, maybe try to work on not 'hating' christmas as such; hating things is such a waste of emotional energy and it will consume you completely if you let it. and it's just not worth it, really...

Posted 2 years ago #
wwaswas - Member

be their friend and go.

Posted 2 years ago #
b r - Member

Are you single by any chance?

And a sad git - they've probably only invited you out of pity!

Posted 2 years ago #
miaowing_kat - Member

If I thought every time I bought something slightly unnecessary about all the homeless starving poor people that could have benefited from my money, then I'd get very very depressed very very quickly.

I personally would go to lunch (as long as I was fairly sure I'd enjoy the company) and give another £36 to a charity to assuage guilt.

If you really want to go for a ride, why not though - explain to your friends that you need to cheer yourself up.

Posted 2 years ago #
skidartist - Member

Tell them you're Jewish

Really though some friends have invited you out for a treat. If Christmas isn't a celebration for you that fair enough.But regardless of anything spiritual or festive its a long weekend that almost everybody gets to take off and enjoy a bit of time with people they like. Don't make baggage out of it being Christmas, enjoy a warm gesture and warm food at a cold, dark horrible time of year.

Christmas for us overworked Northern Europeans is just tired people huddling for warmth.

Posted 2 years ago #
uplink - Member

i dont believe in wasting that amount of money on a meal when there are people sleeping on the street,and going hungry

Go & enjoy the meal & then you donate what it cost to the Salvation Army in order to feed others?

Posted 2 years ago #
CountZero - Member

Ungrateful git. No matter what my opinion of Christmas and its commerciality, if friends invited me out for a meal, irrespective of the cost, I'd be delighted, accept without hesitation, and enjoy every second of their generosity and company. If you want to take on the nation's guilt for the homeless, carbon footprint, abandoned kittens, etc, well, that's your prerogative, but don't lay that guilt on your friends, who are just being nice. If you feel that bad about people on the streets, (and whatever the issues behind it, you are not responsible), then pay an equivalent amount to a charity. This meal isn't some commercial junket, but a nice gesture by people who actually value your friendship.
But possibly not for much longer.

Posted 2 years ago #
xherbivorex - Member

oh yeah, further to what i said, i wish i had some friends that were prepared to offer me a meal with them on christmas day. i'll most likely be eating alone on the day myself, but i'm not bitter or angry about it; that's just how it is for me this year.

Posted 2 years ago #
buzz-lightyear - Member

They sounds like good, charitable friends; don't let them down. You may even enjoy it. Donate to the value of what you gained to a charity of your choice.

Posted 2 years ago #
peteimpreza - Member

If they are really your friends go.

True friends are worth twice their weight in gold.

Make an independent donation to a charity of your choice.

Posted 2 years ago #
Steve-Austin - Member

i@ve spent many Xmas on my own through choice. Xmas is a miserable time of year for many and if you want to spend it on your own, thats fine.

I have tried the family, friendly thing, but i just can't do it. Much rather on my own thank you very much.

Posted 2 years ago #
RichPenny - Member

Do what you want. It might help your mood to see friends and it is a kind offer. However, if you really just want to ride your bike, nowt wrong with that either. My Christmas has been pretty varied over the last few years, have done a few with just mates and they've been good. This year I'm doing nothing out of choice. Might go to cwmcarn, or maybe brecon, or drive some old folks about.... Just please yourself, why not?

Posted 2 years ago #
Suggsey - Member

I think you need to sort out your depression first off-never mind the Christmas thing. I dislike Christmas and would love not to do the family thing but it is also about thinking of others and sometimes everyone needs some company. Take up their offer no guilt should be involved you can still do your own thing on Christmas day.

Posted 2 years ago #
deadlydarcy - Member

I think you're being a miserable git myself. You're making Stoner look like Santa fcking Claus

Posted 2 years ago #
avdave2 - Member

Go for a ride! just how many homeless people could you feed if you sold that bike? You have some really big problems but whether to go out for this meal or not isn't one of them.

Posted 2 years ago #
FoxyChick - Member

Do what you want to do.
I hate the way it is expected that everyone has a jolly old time at Christmas. If you don't "do" Christmas, then knock it on the head. If your friends struggle with this, then maybe they are lacking in understanding about your situation.
And all you "miserable-git-think-about-your-friends" posters...project's friend has a family, and although she may well be acting in kindness, she is obviously more concerned about her own feelings than his, cos as he states, his not wanting to be involved has caused her a problem.

Posted 2 years ago #
allthepies - Member

>You're making Stoner look like Santa fcking Claus

Posted 2 years ago #
MrNutt - Member

sod that, stay at home and spend the money on coke and hookers!

Posted 2 years ago #
Suggsey - Member

No thinking that he has upset her by his rebuttal of her generosity thats called paranoia!

Posted 2 years ago #
project - Member

Well thanks for the comments,so Stoners santa claus then.

Posted 2 years ago #
soobalias - Member

if they cant understand why you are not desperate to join their celebration, why would you understand that they feel they are letting you down by not allowing you to celebrate with them

do what you want.

Posted 2 years ago #
cinnamon_girl - Member

Was the invite from a close friend? Does she honestly believe you have other plans? Do you know her family? Was it a genuine invitation, cos people do get upset if they think you will be on your own?

Of course, my opinion should be ignored as I was accused on here of pretty much being a miserable cow cos I didn't want to do the "C" word this year.

Nevertheless, I do actually think that TJ's suggestion is a very good one.

Interesting though that there are others who are happy to be on their own.

Posted 2 years ago #
sloaner - Member

Go and sell your expensive mountain bike(s) and computer (assuming you're not using the internet in the library) and give the money to a homeless person.... then you won't be acting hypocritically

Posted 2 years ago #
Edukator - Member

Well it's obvious innit, she want's a shag for Christmas (or whatever it is lesbians do together if Project is female). Woman scorned = fury.

Posted 2 years ago #
rOcKeTdOg - Member

As an athiest I don't celebrate Christmas but I enjoy the time off work, so I'd go for a ride

Posted 2 years ago #
DickBarton - Member

Stop being such a selfish pr!ck and accept that there are some people in the world that want to spend some time with you at this particular time of the year - stop being so down in the dumps and whoa is me and accept that at Christmas people do a wee bit more for fellow people.

They have clearly spotted that you are a right grumpy chap and decided that you are the person they'd like to help most - there is no rhyme (sp?) or reason to human nature, but in this case, these people want to spend time with you at christmas - you don't even need to celebrate christmas, just accept that there are people in the world that are wanting to spend some time with you...

Good grief man, a free feed and the chance to spend time with people instead of sitting on your tod wishing for better/happier times...come on, why are you even asking.

Posted 2 years ago #
langy - Member

@ Edukator

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

What happened to honesty?

If someone is a good enough friend that they invite you to a meal that they are paying for on Boxing Day i would presume they know you well enough to have an adult conversation about it.

Thats why i only have a few 'good' friends. The good ones are the ones who understand you for being you. No bells & whistles and able to be yourself. If you dont fancy it then tell them you dont fancy it. You havent said you dont fancy being in their company so whats the issue?

Posted 2 years ago #
MrSalmon - Member

Tricky one. On the one hand I agree with Xipe Totec (except the ungrateful git part!)- maybe if you went you'd end up enjoying it despite yourself, and it doesn't have to be so much of a Christmas thing. It sounds like it'd only take a couple of hours anyway.

OTOH, the older I get the less inclined I am to do things I don't really want to do in order to keep other people happy (especially if I could be doing something else instead) and also agree that if they're reasonable people it's hard to see why they'd be too upset.

If declining though I'd go with the other plans* rather than this

but i dont believe in wasting that amount of money on a meal when there are people sleeping on the street,and going hungry

*Unless this is a transparent lie!

Posted 2 years ago #