Now I’m not one to normally rise to this sort of thing, but this must qualify for some sort of Private Eye Pseuds Corner award or something (plus, they can’t spell ‘wristed’ or even ‘suspension’- if I’m spending £3k+ on a bike I do want a little attention to detail).

http://www.whytebikes.com/2009/fullsuspention.html?utm_source=bikemagic&utm_medium=MPU300x250&utm_campaign=faststifflight

This bike doesn’t just accelerate, it slams you forward with a force that’s a vicious assault on the probable and plausible, turning over all your previous conceptions of personal speed as fast as it turns over gears. Once unleashed it won’t let go of that velocity either. It carves corners, cambers and random chaos with contemptuous accuracy. It swallows block hits and drops so seamlessly you’ll be on the power through all your previous braking points, and it’s GATSO fast on the real rippers.

get me the gun…

Wow that really is horribly written – ‘addictively undeniable’. What?

Nice to see some mild homophobia in bike product descriptions too.

Nice to see some mild homophobia in bike product descriptions too.

❓

Where?

EDIT, ah, spotted it 😳 – Not surprising considering how poor the rest of it is. Only a complete numpty would a) believe that b) write it, expecting people to believe it.

Where?

limp wrested

?

Wow. I just felt fast reading all that and I am sitting down!

Are they trying to lose credibility?

The missed “Well dialled in for ultra gonzo badness”.

Ah. Those were the days.

Brabt; Is this what they mean?

it’s GATSO fast on the real rippers.

Fast like a big metal box bolted to the ground? 😕

Reminds me a bit of the gushing Halfords ads “Hi-tensile steel frame, Lightweight aluminium wheels, powerful v-brakes, 18 speed SIS Shimano gears”

It’s like it’s designed to appeal to readers of Max Power magazine – surely not the target audience for mega-expensive carbon mountain bikes?

Or else it’s been written by the producers of Top Gear…

Or else it’s been written by the producers of Top Gear… or has it?

said in Mr Clarkson stylee 🙂

and on that bombshell….

…it’s time to put a reasonably priced celeb in a reasonably priced car…

GATSO was actually a rally driver who invented the GATSO speed camera

i thought whytes were for people with beards, sandals and too much money to buy a marin….?

GATSO was actually a rally driver who invented the GATSO speed camera

That would be the slightly obscure “Gatsonides* fast”, unless they’re referring to one of the 8 “Gatso” sports cars ever made. Sadly I suspect they’re actually referring to the speed camera.

* ‘Aint wikipedia great?