Any killer lines?

Especially when they know I’m not a football fan!

How does offside work?

why don’t they just nail a few planks across the goal?

“Sorry, I have absolutely no interest in soccer. Can we talk about something else, please?”

just tell them you’re more interested in women.

i usually find that F*** O** you C*** works quite well.

generally ends any conversation in the office.

costs me £4 in the swear box tho.

Flashy + 1

Although I have said that to someone that couldn’t relate AT ALL to not liking wendyball and he just carried on because he knew nothing else….

Just using the word ‘soccer’ would do it for me Flashy

Just using the word ‘soccer’ would do it for me Flashy

😀

“Oh brilliant, I love football. Don’t you just love all the sweaty men, running around in their tight shorts!”

just tell them ‘football is a game played by idiot’s, and watched by bigger idiot’s’.
i find it usualy works.

I’ll refer to it as soccer! ha, nice.

The less offensive the better.

When did you last go to a game?

Effectively deals with the babbling telly-clappers who assail us with their nonsense.

If the answer is ‘last saturday’ then maybe try chatting with them. Match-going fans are usually more measured and interesting with their views.

@ Garry. He’s a season ticket holder. Big fan.

It’s just the level of football rules/opinions/even opinions of others on a certain forums he frequents that I have to hear about.

😆

Even better, refer to it as I once heard a Ron Burgandy style American TV commentator pronounce it, as soch-er.

That’ll do it!

I find that: “Football is boring and stupid. Stop talking to me.”… works most of the time. 😉

my gf always stumps me with “why dont keepers have gloves the size/shape of the goals?”

Talking about wendyball on Monday morning;
“So, the most exciting thing you’ve done all weekend is watch 11 blokes you don’t know kick a ball around a field with 11 blokes you don’t know from a town you’ve never been to on the telly. Whoa, rock and roll !”

Listening to wendyball on the radio;
“You’re listening to someone else watching someone else play sport. That’s one of the saddest things I have ever seen”

It’s just the level of football rules/opinions/even opinions of others on a certain forums he frequents that I have to hear about.

In that case, STW is a rich source of revenge. Try regaling him with some of the excellent whattyres threads, or quote some weight weenie figures to him.

Warning: This could backfire, and he might actually be interested.

Glad it has the desired effect, Binners.

The less offensive the better.

^^This.^^

The poor lambs already have enough to deal with and being rude to them isn’t really sporting. 🙂

I’m a (match-going) soccerist but even I find there’s a limit to how much you can talk about it.

I don’t think the problem’s the football though. It sounds like he’s just a bore. He would bore about cricket, sailing, wife-swapping or (dare I say it) mountain biking. The only way to deal with it is to yawn, turn around and walk away.

You’re listening to someone else watching someone else play sport. That’s one of the saddest things I have ever seen”

I think watching them listening to the radio must be sadder

Ask them to explain the paradox between the illogical and all consuming tribalism of the fan supporting a “club” that has long since become a business focussed on profits and owners or shareholders represented on the field by a (mostly foreign) bunch of mercenaries with no interest or geographical connection with the club.

Or…when you have a daily mail reading soccer ( 😉 ) fan whose only other conversation topic is spouting on about foreigners coming over here and taking British jobs from British people as we do in our work….ask them why they spend gazillions supporting their “local” team that last week had a team sheet without a single British passport owner amongst the line up and watch them implode with inner conflictions.

Either will mark you out as an unbelieving arse not worthy of talking to about the beautiful game and you’ll be left in peace.

😆 great all, may well bring in a tyre related forum post into our conversation..

For any fans of football, the team in question is Nottingham Forest.

I go to football as well but dont talk about it with mates who hate it.There is one bloke in our local who talks of nothing else but his team even when he gets told to shut up.

Q ‘did you watch the match last night’
A ‘i’d rather watch a dog having a shit!’
Tends to end it quickly,….

Q. What does FOREST actually mean?

A. Fear of relegation every saturday teatime!

Any killer lines?

Especially when they know I’m not a football fan!
Calling them a bunch of pansies, generally taking the piss out of footballers and then saying “now Rugby, there’s a proper sport..” That usually shuts them up or gets them started.

I found supporting the opposite team to what they were really worked, until they remembered I don’t like football (took them 3+ years)… Still gets them every now n again.

Oh Oh … here’s a chance to butt into a non-football thread and disrupt the perfectly good conversation of people who are not interested in football.

I love football, it’s great…. and the only reason you lot hate it, is because you were the last wallies to be picked for a class kickaround in the school yard.

There you go, I feel better now that I’ve help redress the balance of all those dullards that raise thier charmless heads in a football thread and say ‘football is a game played by idiot’s, and watched by bigger idiot’s’.

How about…….

……”I’m sorry, I have no interest in the world’s most inclusive and popular team sport, I prefer to meet up with lycra wearing men in the local woods and session their bombholes”

or…..
…”Hi I work in IT and use a vintage single blade razor which matches my 5K wristwatch”

or……
….”How about coming back to my place and sampling my crema”

Start talking about how you thought the Patriots were going to win it, but the Giants were deserving winners, and that Eli Manning definitely deserved his MVP award. Then say, “Oh, you’re talking about soccer“.

Or do what I do, and start talking about the best way of levelling enchanting and blacksmithing in Skyrim, or the difficulties in downing Yor’sahj the Unsleeping in Heroic difficulty in World of Warcraft. Or the sheer, merciless, bloody grind to get the legendary Fangs of the Fathers daggers.

Sorry dude I’m a skateboarder usually works…

I’m surprised nobody’s yet mentioned that wendyball’s not a sport, just a game

😈

anyway, each to their own… I just politely say something along the lines of “I don’t really follow football”, which usually causes some brain short-circuiting for a few moments whilst they process this information… 🙂

Ask them to explain the paradox between the illogical and all consuming tribalism of the fan supporting a “club” that has long since become a business focussed on profits and owners or shareholders represented on the field by a (mostly foreign) bunch of mercenaries with no interest or geographical connection with the club.

That won’t work, I’m afraid. Ask a United fan that and you’re likely to get a 3 hour diatribe against the Glazers and the evils of leveraged buyouts

Would you like me to give you a feel for the kind of thing? Ahem…..

talk about boobies

One really good way of getting rid of him would be to say “no I don’t watch football, I prefer to spend my life on internet chat rooms talking about riding my bike.” I’m sure then he’ll realise then he’s met his match and leave you to it.

He probably has the same conversation about you, “There’s this guy who keeps boring everyone with talk of riding his push bike round the woods and how he’s upped his rebound.”

Best way to end a conversation on Football?

You could stop being a self righteous, reactionary, snobbish bore.

Or you could possibly start a conversation on a topic you appreciate, if you have the skill. 😉

I like football but hate talking about it to idiots. I usually end it with it’s a gentleman’s game played by thugs and watched by thugs, usually tails off within a couple more minutes of heated debate.

Ha ha, some class responses.

I mention nothing about bikes though! Hmmmm

Each to their own obviously that’s the idea here, but to have it drilled into your ear at least a couple of times a day when you can’t get a word in…

I don’t follow football sorry, I know nothing about it. No need to be a dick.

Does my head in – every ‘kin night away from work with colleagues

“We beat you last year etc. rabbit, rabbit, rabbit”

excuse me! – you were playing? – that’s quite cool