I worked with two short and stumpy obese girls, one of whom was an “up for a laugh” kinda girl, the other was a bit “straight”. They looked very similar… one day i saw what i thought was the “up for a laugh” girl bending over whilst leaning on a table, i just saw this huge arse looming and my instant response was to take the small oxygen cyliner i was holding and force it between her legs and rub it up her snatch from the rear in a provocative manner… guess what… it was a case of mistaken ass identity, i truely believe i was more shocked than her when the “straight” girl turned around with a very red face!!!

😯

i truely believe i was more shocked than her

I’m willing to bet not.

I worked with two short and stumpy obese girls, one of whom was an “up for a laugh” kinda girl, the other was a bit “straight”. They looked very similar… one day i saw what i thought was the “up for a laugh” girl bending over whilst leaning on a table, i just saw this huge arse looming and my instant response was to take the small oxygen cyliner i was holding and force it between her legs and rub it up her snatch from the rear in a provocative manner… guess what… it was a case of mistaken ass identity, i truely believe i was more shocked than her when the “straight” girl turned around with a very red face!!!

😯

😯 x loads

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQnNH7I07RY[/video]

I worked with two short and stumpy obese girls, one of whom was an “up for a laugh” kinda girl, the other was a bit “straight”. They looked very similar… one day i saw what i thought was the “up for a laugh” girl bending over whilst leaning on a table, i just saw this huge arse looming and my instant response was to take the small oxygen cyliner i was holding and force it between her legs and rub it up her snatch from the rear in a provocative manner… guess what… it was a case of mistaken ass identity, i truely believe i was more shocked than her when the “straight” girl turned around with a very red face!!!

Please tell me this was your Saturday job while you were at school. Or something. Please.

Please tell me this was your Saturday job while you were at school. Or something. Please.

Sorry, late 30’s then and a registered Professional 😈

1995 … company started to use internet in a big-ish way in the far east.

Having finished my lunch early I went back to my office … walked into office and one of my colleague (who decided he wanted to work overtime during lunch hour) was watching some interesting adult stuff on the company computer … with one hand spanking his monkey (other hand on mouse) and tissues on top his monkey head … I walked in pretending I did not see anything but I noticed the terror on his face when he saw me … I think he was holding his near exploding monkey in an awkward way.

I walked out the office pretending I forgot my files in my car …

I should have used the incident to wind him big time but I didn’t … wish I did.

😆

I worked with two short and stumpy obese girls, one of whom was an “up for a laugh” kinda girl, the other was a bit “straight”. They looked very similar… one day i saw what i thought was the “up for a laugh” girl bending over whilst leaning on a table, i just saw this huge arse looming and my instant response was to take the small oxygen cyliner i was holding and force it between her legs and rub it up her snatch from the rear in a provocative manner… guess what… it was a case of mistaken ass identity, i truely believe i was more shocked than her when the “straight” girl turned around with a very red face!!!

I’m assuming you’re no longer allowed within 5 miles of said ladies…

Actually saying that, when I was about 18 I temped in an office and there was a lady of around 35 there who when drunk on work nights out would grope me…sexually.

But she wasn’t hideous and I would have if she had suggested it.

I get changed in a mixed-sex toilet. Opened the door one morning on a topless woman. Difficult. I still had to apologise profusely even though she hadnt locked the door

I’ve read Choke, I know how it works….

Not me, but a female former colleague/ now friend went to the toilets at our old office. There used to be a large disabled toilet there, and she headed in

…to find some guy stark bollock naked sat on the throne, toes not touching the floor (disabled loos seem to be higher, I guess). Don’t know if she worked out who it was, but it was a big office so it didn’t matter that much.

I’ve been on the “bursting in” side of a toilet encounter. SEVERAL times, due to one of my colleagues having a “no locking” policy when he’s in the loo. The last time I went a bit mental at him, it’s not like he doesn’t look embarrassed about it so I don’t think he actually likes it, he’s just a moron.

I do wonder how anyone can forget to lock a door when entering a toilet.

I do wonder how anyone can forget to lock a door when entering a toilet.

One of the traps in our toilet doesn’t lock properly…if it’s the only one free you have to sit with one foot/hand on the door.

I dont know why they don’t just fix it.

I worked with two short and stumpy obese girls, one of whom was an “up for a laugh” kinda girl, the other was a bit “straight”. They looked very similar… one day i saw what i thought was the “up for a laugh” girl bending over whilst leaning on a table, i just saw this huge arse looming and my instant response was to take the small oxygen cyliner i was holding and force it between her legs and rub it up her snatch from the rear in a provocative manner… guess what… it was a case of mistaken ass identity, i truely believe i was more shocked than her when the “straight” girl turned around with a very red face!!!

😯 x oh so many times

was in the gents loo at work, having a wee, in walked the female cleaner and popped a couple of ‘blues’ in the urinal I was using, with a cheery smile and a hallo ……

Our work toilets have an auto light switch and no windows. The lights are only on for a short period of time and the sensor is by the door.

So I walked in, triggered the lights and found one of my colleagues hobbling towards the door, pants round his ankles and shirt held clear of the “danger zone” – he’d been caught out by the timer before having had chance to finish.

He was definitely more embarrassed than I was.

I was discussing with the network admin the sales directors habit of talking to client’s on his mobile whilst taking a crap. Was recounting whilst having a slash in the cubicle and referred to the sales director as a dirty c#@t. Then from out of another cubicle walks the md, eek! Fortunately i got on well with the md and he just laughed.

I was in the next cubicle to a work colleague who accidently let out a long groan then a loud splash. I sniggered then he burst out laughing and I think it was a case of we both had the watery-eyed giggles. 😆

My company contract me out to a few large companies who in turn also take on a large number of contractors from offshore. Not the first time I’ve gone into a cubicle to find a fresh curly Jimmy La Roo lying on the seat after a standing squat session.

The company provide a guide to defecating in Europe to newly brought in staff. Makes sense when you think about it.

Out shopping I saw a former colleague walking hand in hand with a lady who wasn’t his wife. I bid him a cheery good-day and carried on.

He looked a little uncomfortable, but as he used to make his illicit phone calls from one of the small “single occupancy” office toilets that acted like an echo chamber everyone who worked with 50ft of it knew what the dirty old bugger was up to.

How can leaving a coiled turd sitting on top of a lav seat be considered “normal” ? 😆

Going back to my OP, managed to get all the way out of my bibs before realising I’d left the door unlocked this morning.

Oh the irony!

We once caught our A-Level maths teacher having a quick one off the wrist in the Humber Bridge car park at lunch.

I also once walked back to the office to collect my laptop on the way home from a night out with my workmates to find a colleague “servicing” the barmaid from the local over the CTOs desk. At the same company another colleague wasn’t walked in on so much as made videos of himself with ladies for hire in Singapore and emailed them back to the office. He thoughtfully asked them to say hi to us all on the video.

Standard accidentally calling my boss dad. They now think I have unresolved father issues…

I once had a boss called ‘Aubrey’ – and I had an Uncle Aubrey too. One day whilst hungover at work I accidentally referred to my boss as “Uncle Aubrey”, the embarrassment of which has hung around for years.

… and I had one of those automatic toilet doors open on me once, on a crowded commuter train.

I can still see the look on the little on lady’s face as I reached out to press the ‘close’ and ‘lock’ buttons at once, todger in hand, mid flow, whilst apologising to everyone, and trying not to miss the bowl at the same time. It’s difficult to stop when you’ve just got going isn’t it?

Missed this one personally but a work colleague going through a messy divorce had his ex turn up at the office and in the main reception area emptied a bag full of their used “marital aids” all over the floor before marching off.

The shocked receptionists phoned my colleague who had to pop down to reception and tidy up said toys 🙂 He left shortly afterwards.

Our work toilets have an auto light switch and no windows. The lights are only on for a short period of time and the sensor is by the door.

In a previous company the male toilets had 4 traps and no windows. In the *very rare* occasion of a full house I would take great delight in turning off the lights on my way out. Amused me for months that did. 😀

I opened the electric door on a train to find a middle-aged lady on the throne. I don’t know who was more mortified. Kids waiting outside thought it was funny.

😆 especially since you have to wait for the mechanism to fully open it, slowly, before it can start shutting, slowly! 😆

I got caught after hours snogging my boss in the office carpark..by the other member of our department.. whom i’d also had hankypanky with.

changed the office dynamics somewhat.

This is up there as one of the funniest threads I’ve ever read on STW!!! 😆

My ex’s mum walked in on a bloke having a Tommy tank in the toilets on the train.
She then went on to say that in all the time her husband was alive he never dried his old fella in that way.

there are lots of guys with tiny willys who therefore don’t have the scope to aim them.

I didn’t even know there was a scope available, I’ve just been using the built-in sights.

In an effort to get this away from turds, self pleasuring and nakedness….

In the back store having a good old rant about my boss using words like incompetent, weak, pathetic, useless suddenly became aware of my colleague being distracted by something over my sholder.

Me: “He’s behind me, isn’t he?”
Boss: “Yes”

At one of an ex-colleagues very drunken summer barbecues where all manner of odd drinks were coming out of the back of the cabinet and being mixed into random ‘cocktail’ offering, my boss who was there as a guest (ie not the host and not in any official capacity) was refusing to join in with any of the cocktail fun.

I commented to a nearby colleague on this and described him as a ‘miserable irish c**t’ – half in jest, because he was a good bloke really. I wasn’t aware he was standing so close by or by the fact that the booze had affected my volume control to such an extent, but it became pretty clear he’d heard. You could have heard a pin drop as he walked over to me, looked straight at me, and with a tone of total indignation said…..

“Well! I’ve never been called miserable before!”

Still the best put down / defusing of an awkward situation I’ve ever seen.

One place I worked, the toilet door wouldn’t lock properly, the Polish cleaner would walk in on me regularly get changed out of bib shorts. Timed to prefection when they were round my ankles. I think she enjoyed it TBH.

I recently sent an email report to upper level management including directors, worldwide this BTW, and signed off Retards rather than Regards.

At another place I caught the Production Manager nailing the Customer Service Manager over the conference room table. I was never able to look George and Ian in the face again.

bigblackshed – Member

I recently sent an email report to upper level management including directors, worldwide this BTW, and signed off Retards rather than Regards.

I did that in an email to the charity Scope once.

Also, we had an uneditable reporting document for audit purposes in my old job, into which we had to add system notes, and there were quite a few funny typos in there which will be eternally preserved… But mine went past that- due to some careless copy and pasting, instead of a comment on the stability of our encryption system I added this:

Walked into a lift to find a colleague who recently backstabbed me in his report so I said hello and smiled … he couldn’t even look at me. It was weird.