I had a lovely healthy sort of a day yesterday.. A mate who's right into distance running stopped by for a cuppa around lunchtime, so I did us up a huge bowl of salad with smoked mackerel.. I had a mixed bean salad with the leftovers from lunch for my tea and then popped down the pub for a pint after I finished work around 7pm..
And this is where it went wrong..
On the way to the pub I could already smell the delicious warm pasties that they keep warming in a cabinet on the bar..
They're a very distinctive fresh peppery flavour, made at a place just at the top of the hill and available in every pub and newsagents in the town.. Absolutely delicious in every way and a real treat..
I've never broken a pasty in half before I took the first bite in my life, but on this occasion I did and the smell that hit me was not what I was expecting at all.. Had they changed the recipe maybe? Had a lazy and lacklustre apprentice used an extra spoonful of this instead of a pinch of that..? Was I just having an LSD flashback..?
I took a bite and was not impressed, it tasted all wrong, smelt all wrong and looked all wrong.. Maybe it was just me..? My senses aren't to be relied upon at the best of times..
After a quick inspection by everyone in the bar, it was decided that this was indeed a very very bad pasty despite the barmaid's protestations that they were fresh in that day (she later downgraded her stance on the issue admitting that she didn't have a clue as she hadn't started her shift til five)
The rotten parcel of botulism was disposed of in the shopping centre carpark outside, as the stench from the offending article was causing some concern amongst the patrons of the poker school.. It was noted with some surprise and wonderment that even the howling seagulls that descended from nowhere were fighting each other to get away from the feast rather than fighting over it as is the norm..
I refused the offer of a replacement, and also refused the offer of a sausage roll and settled on a packet of beef crisps instead with three pints of very strong cider to wash them down as we all know the medicinal and antibiotic properties of cider..
My fear however did not abate and I have woken this morning feeling rather delicate and with a growing unease that this evening may herald the dawn of a new uprising (and downfall) which I could do without as i have a busy few days ahead..
So what's my best course of action please folks..?