I’m using this username as a regular STW poster.
Myself and my Mrs have both changed jobs in the last 2 months, myself onto a 6 month training wage and my fiancee into a permenent nights job with great prospects.
I’m finding myself going mad at home doing 8-4 every day, in the evenings. Thoughts of mistrust and paranoia of her behaviour changes.
I know its silly but I’m just hoping someone else has had the same feelings, because at the moment I’m ripping myself apart.

POSTED 0 SECONDS AGO # EDIT

You two need to talk. No accusations, just honesty about how you’re feeling.

And get out of the house and do something for yourself. Ride your bike, whatever.

Good luck chap

It”s interesting that you talk of anxiety and depression in your title. When I had a breakdown – my feelings of very low mood and anxiety led to an element of psychotic thoughts – including mistrust of those close to me. Something that might help you is to consider that these thoughts are not your real feelings – just a symptom of being depressed.

Do keep talking though – you’ve taken a big step now by acknowledging your thoughts and [u]you are not alone![/i][/u]

Email in profile – if you think it could help knowing more about how it has been for someone else.

Yup, talk is the first and most important thing and probably the hardest thing, which I guess is why you’re posting under a new login too? It sounds like there’s a lot more going on than you mention?

I don’t really have much to offer except solidarity- anxiety is an absolute bastard of a thing, it doesn’t sound like so much til you experience it. Easy things can become difficult, little things massive (massive things meaningless…) It is a bollocks.

A really specific thing, and feel free to ignore it- if you’re paranoid about her behaviour changes, what are the odds you haven’t had any changes of your own? Everyone reacts to everyone else around them, if you’re spiky or depressed or absent or suspicious or- whatever, it doesn’t matter- then that’s always going to cause other people to change how they relate to you, which’ll feed back to you, it’s a vicious circle and I suppose, just understanding that doesn’t fix anything but it can help get along with it.

Um, good luck. We get better, usually.

Thanks folks. What people have said is quite comforting. There have been a lot of changes in both our lives in the last few months, mainly job wise, but we did used to work together, and I was cheated on in my last relationship might have a lot to do with my insecurities.
I do want to talk to her about it, but I’ve been on forums who say women don’t want to be with abloke whos ‘needy’? It’s a put off, especially if they’re in a new environment with lots of young, single men.
The thing that keeps breaking me in our screensaver on our computer is our photo album on random, and there’s loads of pics of us happy, all over Europe.
And I can’t remember the last time she took a pic of us together.

Hey OP
I think you’ve seen that opening up on my thread has lead me to the realisation that I need to seek help for my depression and anxieties. Maybe a GP visit or a good sit down and chat with a close friend might help mate.
Don’t let it eat away and potentially ruin your relationship

Welcome to the club!

Talk to your OH, and talk to your GP, who will be able to help judge what help will be available. Maybe a bit of counselling to help you get things back in perspective.

Realising there is a problem is the first step to dealing with it.

How are things OP / ip1081 ?

Talking it through is one part. Sorting out the work/life balance sounds like another, especially if crazy hours and different hours to each other.

Take a look at http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk for anxiety/depression advice and chat.

And yes, getting out the house and especially exercise like riding bikes can help massively. Though still need to resolve the issues when you get back home, but maybe a clearer mind can focus you on what you need to do to sort things out.

This may sound over simplified, but if you can’t trust the other person in a relationship, then the relationship isn’t worth hanging on to in the first place. Sorry to say it but…

Now depression and anxiety are absolute bastards, I know only too well from personal experience, but you can’t judge everyone by the same values as your ex. Past relationships are not good things to benchmark on, cos otherwise all you’ll do is make the same mistake over and over. Learn to trust, and everntaully you’ll find your trust is well placed and the relationship will last the cause. In the meantime everyone is bound to get upset once in a while, but the alternative is that we all become battle hardened untrusting creatures at an early age, and never get to experience love or happiness as we can’t learn to let go of our hangups and trust those we hold dear!

Better to have loved and to have lost than never to have loved at all as they say…

FWIW I should add that I’m quite pissed right now, and that spellcheck on my phone is working overtime… 😆

Hmmm. It depends if the lack of trust is well founded on real evidence or symptomatic of paranoia. Don’t make life changing decisions when your thought processes are out of kilter. Many of us who experience depression and / or anxiety later realise how destructive and debilitating thoughts can be, especially if shared spitefully with a bewildered partner. There’s even a perverse pleasure in hurting those closest to you.

Talking to a professional is more valuable than sounding out conveniently anonymous and honest forumites. Coming to terms with whatever triggered the illness can be well nigh impossible, coping strategies and distractors (ride your bike) can help at times but meds and therapies may be more effective at holding back the worst of it.

Many of us have been there and lived to tell the tale. All I can offer is that if you recognise what these recent employment changes are doing to you, she will have noticed it too and will welcome dialogue. Talk to her and your GP, for her sake as much as yours.

would you normally just a take a pic of your partner just round the house?