Was just wondering… I’m now in my early 40s, married, kids mortgage and all that. However I have some friends who, for a long time ‘dodged the bullet’ and that was quite cool, in this day and age being single into yer 30s seemed fine and ‘really free’ as Otway put it. So even with this long break coming up, the married folks are plannign family stuff with a few hours out here and ther, whilst the singles are off, diving / skiing / riding or whatever for a week or more,and here’s the question. Is that lonely or does it rock? Are you James Bond or uncle Buck?

Different for different folks i reckon.

I lived at home til 24, then shared a rented house til i was 33 before buying this one. I asked my former fiancee to move in after 3 months and we lived together for 8yrs. In all my life i’ve only spent the last 2.5yrs living alone. It’s not bad at all, MsD (g/f) stays over at the weekends so i have the pleasure of her company on my days off, but i come home to a quiet house when i’m shattered from work and don’t want/need conversation.

I suspect we’ll end up moving in together at some point but i’m in no great hurry. I don’t think i’ll have kids now as i’m probably too old so i can see myself old and alone at some point.
Still, it’s not a bad life – mind you i suspect i’m at least half way to being anti social and i think i always was.

CharlieMungus – Member
So even with this long break coming up, the married folks are plannign family stuff with a few hours out here and ther, whilst the singles are off, diving / skiing / riding or whatever for a week or more

What a strange view of married life you hold.

Are you James Bond or uncle Buck?

A bit of both.

Look more like Uncle Buck though.

Marry the right woman like i have, and it’s a cross between married and single 😉

Sure i don’t shag around, but my wife is my best friend and we love spending time together.

Unlike my previous two relationships (one marrige) which we’re crap, i just wanted to be off doing my own thing.

Well MsD is now a very keen MTB’er, early days yet but she has done a couple of the CRC Marathon events at the 25k level and only last week she did a 30-mile loop that included some quite technical moorland singletrack (Stoodley Pike for those that know). My life is infinitely better for her presence, especially when considered against the Fat Frigid Frump is was engaged to!

I’m a bit stuck on this, I just (rather abruptly) finished a relationship because I was getting that claustrophobic feeling again… 🙄

Now I have a year-planner bursting with epic-ness, and my usual dilemma is deciding between a weekend of massive road rides in the mountains or massive treks with the rucsac and tent in the mountains. Once I get an MTB again that’ll be a third demand on my time 8)

I don’t envy those in long relationships, on balance I think I prefer being single, but I do find myself kicking about in the evenings a little, once I’ve gotten bored/tired of all the healthy stuff…

I suppose it depends on how much you value your time alone, that’s to say do you prefer to be part of a household or to spend a large chunk of your time alone?

How many times have people berated us for our life choices, yet not realised that what is good for one doesn’t suit all?

There was a time not long past when i nearly went gaga over the split from the ex, bemoaning the fact that i was now never likely to have the 2.4 kid family etc. Thing is, through many long nights of introspection i’ve come to realise that i may – just – not be too well suited to that life. I love my mates kids but the yearning for my own has faded now. I’m basically selfish with a lack of empathy and that doesn’t work too well in a family situation.

I married quite young, and ended up divorced by the time I was 26, and I can’t say it was a great time as my ex had severe mental health problems and…well I was glad when I got out. I spent the following few years avoiding relationships, and just getting my head round what had happened and I guess finding out who I was again. I’m 35 now and have been pretty much single since, I’ve had relationships but nothing really lasting more than 3 or 4 months. I’m neither really looking for a long term relationship nor adverse if the right person popped along.
I think like most things in life there are pro’s and con’s to living a single life although some people clearly can’t understand that I’m actually happy with mu situation, but if I was mean I could say this is more a reflection of their situation. I’m not too ugly, and have an underactive ‘shame gland’, so I don’t find getting into relationships hard, and getting sex has never really proved difficult. But there are times I do miss the long term companionship, and you do have to be prepared that certain times of year are set up for singles.
I’m lucky that I only generally have to work a 4 day week, and I have plenty of time for biking, hobbies and the like. I do have a general don’t say no to anything policy, as I just don’t have enough hobbies to fill all the time. I like my life, it’s alright.

Funny was talking about this with a friend earlier today. From a female perspective having been in a long term relationship until late last year, I think it rocks…except for when I need a hug or rescuing from spiders like tonight 😥 I do sometimes miss having someone to plan adventures with though.

Hug the spider.

Two birds. One stone.

It’s a tough one. When I was single I rode whenever and wherever I wanted. A new frame? Fine. A new fork? Oh, I deserve a treat. Decent sex? I’ll have a cuppa and listen to The Archers… Now with the missus sound asleep in the bedroom I realise although I hardly ever ride I’m happier that way. Family holidays? No, maybe next year. I’ll cycle a bit, you go and visit my parents 🙂
Singledom isn’t for everybody, you never know if it’s for you until you’re in it. The thing I’d miss most were I single now is not being woken up at 4am and asked for a ham sandwich by my little girl. And for that alone I’ll trade everything in.

What a strange view of married life you hold.

What seems so strange to you?

Well I am with my partner of 30 yrs but no kiddies, to me thats the bestof both worlds.
However you pays your money you takes your choice. Be happy with the choices you take and enjoy them. I like my friends kids, I’m glad I don’t have any.

that the best you can ask for.

No one will notice when i am gone and my mark upon this earth is small.

I am quite happy being single and 38. no kids. I’m fresh! I’ve always had an introverted personality and like my own company, but i’m kinda sociable as well. I certainly can’t do with someone telling me how or when or who I’m supposed talk to. I Couldn’t just put up with someone for the rest of my life for the sake of it!, that’d be a nightmare. but you never know! I do have to do my own thing! But give me that special person and I’m a pussy!

I’m not suggesting that married life is a drudge, rather the converse. I was wondering if the divers/skiers/ etc, felt that it was occasionally empty if there was no one to share it with

I’m not suggesting that married life is a drudge, rather the converse. I was wondering if the divers/skiers/ etc, felt that it was occasionally empty if there was no one to share it with

CM I’m a widower, so guess I fall between the cracks of your OP.

I’m James Bond with Grandkids! 🙂

before going to NL for 4 months last year, I had been single only 7months since being 18. I really enjoyed it but I realised that I’m happier when I’m not single.

I do miss racing and biking, and staying out as late as I want to.

Not disrespecting family men – what ever works for you is cool……. but if you think back men have always been a little more solitary than women….. 100+ years ago men would have a place to study, or a passion to pursue and kids and wife would be occupied by other things and people – much more so than today. I think there is a major emphasis for guys to be touchy, lovey family men 24/7 – and this isn’t historically that ‘natural’ or normal… This is probably why more men are happy to work away from home into there old age more than women. Also explains the ( as mentioned on r4 ) rise of aspergers ( SP, cant be arsed to check ) years ago it’d be seen as just an insular geez who loved his books…. now it’s a socially inept, emotionally void ‘problem’.

I’m 42 and was James Bond for a decade.

It was hard at first, when all my mates were getting married. After a while I realized that I had become the Inconvenient Single Man in their lives. But first I got used to being single. Then I really started to appreciate the total freedom being single provides. Now my GF lives with me and some things about that are really nice although my freedom has been curtailed a little. But to be honest not that much and we don’t have kids.

Watching my mates have children has been depressing though. At first their lives are devastated but insight appears utterly lacking. Then I become the inconveniently childless single man. Then I became the convenient weekend respite friend and now finally the Naughty Uncle their kids love to see.

Between single and living together IRS a tough choice but I think I’d go for the latter, just. I think having children would make me very unhappy though.

I personally think it is a good thing that marriage and kids aren’t something that everyone wants to aspire to. Certainly back in the ‘old days’ when I was growing up, anyone not married was thought of as ‘odd’.

We’re all different, all at different times in our lives, not all marriages/partnerships last forever.

I don’t get lonely but then I’m very comfortable with my own company.

Wouldn’t swap the family for anything.

[i]Amélie[/i] “I’m nobody’s little weasel” [i]Amélie[/i]

Never sure if it’s a good thing or not. Better to have loved & lost versus you don’t miss what you don’t know.