Well, it's looks as though there is a good chance of this happening. 😯

Truth be told, I don't want it to but I'm a parent so will face up to my responsibilities. So … should I set out the ground rules from the outset? In writing? Tough love?

I don't want my life to be disrupted, happy being on my own but equally happy having my riding buddies over for a boozy weekend. I anticipate awkward times ahead. 🙁

Share your experiences and words of wisdom!

Did you read the small print before having children 😉

Do what my parents did: same rules as when I was a teenager.

I moved back out middle of the second week.

make them pay rent+bills. its a great motivator

i had to pay 15% of what I earnt from the age of 18 and as such only lived there for a 3 month stint in 15 years.

I don't want it to but I'm a parent so will face up to my responsibilities.

Not sure I follow. How old are returning kiddies? Why are they moving back home, when will they learn to stand on their own two feet. Maybe it's just me but since leaving home at 21 I've never considered going back despite 3 redundancies and other life setbacks.

In writing! For your own kids, lol!

Completely irrelevant post but my brother still lives with my parents – 25 now – and neither he nor my parents would want it any other way. If I was not living on a whole different country I'd probably be the same. He just finished his conscription in the army and will be back in the island living in the same house as my parents for the next six months.

After 11 years in the UK I am still amazed at how different parent/kids relationships are over here.

so will face up to my responsibilities.

They're adults, not kids. They need to face up to their responsibilities. Set rules to minimise the impact on you, ask for board, explain that you want the situation to be as temporary as possible. Don't they have friends that they can go and doss at?
When I was young, moving back home was seen as letting down your generation 😉

Thanks for replies. Believe me, my 25 year old son doesn't want to having lived away from home since Uni. He's unemployed, could live with his father but there is more chance of him finding work in my area.

I'm the mother from hell, aren't I?

I'm the mother from hell, aren't I?

Yep, you will burn there as well 😉

Moved out at 19. Moved back for 4 months when I was 30 and came back from travelling. Loved it, as did they. Really nice to spend time with my parents.

We did behave as adults to each other though, they treated me as an adult and I behaved as I would sharing a house with any other adults. We also spent lots of time chatting, that we hadn't been able to do for the previous 10 years. Thats the key I think, niether parents or children slipping back into ways of behaving built over 16 years!

It was funny though the first week I was back getting my mum to say to the Finance Director of the company for whom I had been doing consultancy work before I left when he rang; "oh no he isn't back in the country yet, I'm sure he will want to work for you when he is back!"

So … should I set out the ground rules from the outset? In writing? Tough love?

Yes. Or see if your riding buddies have a spare bike and ride some trails with him, share a few brews and just when he least expects it give him the advice, guidance and encouragement that'll help him. He might listen.

Eldest girl 23 has moved out 4 times and boomerranged back each time as no money to go out enjoying herself .

other daughter moved out too a bit later .

now both back we had a glorious 2 weeks home alone .

set out the rules and stick to them or they will take the piss
Mrs trout is angry the lazy sods dont help and think cos they pay a whacking 200 pm that we are there to tend to all their stuff .

Bit different if your lad is out of work and needs your support but dont let him think you are an easy meal ticket .
and if you are out working and he is not then the house should be spotless

Nah not evil just different 🙂

thanks for scaring the s**t out of me mine haven't even left yet and i hadn't considered the possibility of a return after they have left!'

I once had an acquaintance who decided to return to his family's loving bosom after years of 'decadent living'. He knocked on the door and was met by a complete stranger. His mum and dad had moved a year before and not told him…

Tell him that you now have Compulsive Cleaning Disorder and that you can't help going mental if so much as a cushion is out of shape on the sofa. He won't last long and it's not you, it's your CCD.

i moved out aged 17, am now about to move back in at 36 with mrs and kids in tow!!!! we are having building work so should be in for around 4 months…could be fun!!!

I'm 40 this year but came at this from the other side , got kicked out at 17 as in mums words 'me and berni are getting married and I don't think you 2 will get on living together'.

My dad was unable to help as he was re-married with 2 young children in a 2 bed house so my dad's mate who worked in the council at housing pulled a few strings and got me a flat , all was well till I turned 18 and got a credit card! I think you can guess the rest.

18 months later I'm up to my eyeballs in debt and about to be kicked out of the council flat. Mum bailed me out to the tune of £1500 not a lot by todays standards but a small fortune to me then. I moved back home under the proviso that I would pay 25% of everything except the mortgage and do a fair share of household chores i.e. I was paying my way and not being kept apart from the roof over my head.

i got a part time pub job on top of my normal job and paid mum back everything in 6 months then 4 months after that got my firts mortgage with my girlfriend(who's now my wife)

As long as you're son understands it's not a holiday camp you should be fine.

LOL.

Well, I just got divorced, and sold the 'marital' home (read Hell). I couldn't tie in my next purchase with the sale of Hell so I've moved back in with Mater and Pater.

I put most of my stuff into storage so I'm not being a space burden. I cook for them, I clean when I'm allowed (they don't often allow me) and I try to be as inobtrusive as I can.

A little give on both sides helps it all run smoothly.

The only downside is, at 42, it's rather embarassing to be living at home with your parents, knowing your mother will once again be washing and folding your underpants (shudders!).

I cling to the knowledge that on April 13th my new house completes……

Well, there's certainly been some very interesting replies and observations so thank you all.

I do reckon that this will become more common as offspring are struggling to save enough for a deposit to get on the house-buying ladder.

@ carlos – that must have been an awful situation for you but you have done very well to have come through it.

@ Andy – terrific comment from your mother 🙂

Biking suggestion – yep done that. Got him a lovely Sirius built up, then he left the country 🙄

There's a very good chance that I will try and persuade his dad to take him off my hands for the odd weekend to give me a break.

Don't think I mentioned his clinical depression …

2 Daughters moved back at various times and 2 totally different experiences.

The first couldn't understand that she was being treated as an adult not a kid and that the other people in the house we adults. She actually suggested to her mother that I should be moved out because I was disrupting the mother daughter balance.

The second was just like having a friend to stay and it has been great.

It is more down to the relationship with the people and their view of you rather than and 'rules' that they may or may not abide by.

Good Luck

I did it when I was 30 for a few months. It was OK. My sister did the same at a similar age.

Set the ground rules. If he can't contribute much financially he must do so with labour – DIY / Cleaning etc

There's a very good chance that I will try and persuade his dad to take him off my hands for the odd weekend to give me a break.

It's only fair.

my 18yr old son, his 17yr old girlfriend and our 7 month old grandaughter moved into ours a month ago.
it has been a very very long and testing month.

are you my parents ?

im 23 im moving back in with my parents for a prestated 2 months as we are in limbo over houses.

Cant move till we know where my girlfriends probhation years gonna be and our current flat is no good.

my parents have been very good in that they are not charging rent as we will be saving for furnishing our new place – as we are looking for an unfurnished cottage/house in the country and they aint 10 a penny – but do exist

id say it depends on circumstances – is it because they are skint or is it like rswank above outside their control

I moved back into my mums place when I was about 30 and stayed there for two years. It's a large detatched five bedroom house with a big garden and I had to pay my share of the rent. I also had to be live in 'landlord', got to choose who rented the other rooms and make sure everyone did their fair share of keeping the place clean etc since mother didn't live there. We had a great laugh, loads of boozy w/ends, garden parites and barbecues etc… great times.

Kev

I moved back in for about 5 months when I was 29/30. I'd been working abroad and wanted to return to UK, but got fed up of returning for interviews and not getting the job.
So Mum suggested jacking in my job abroad and moving back home. I quickly found a temporary job, and within 3 months found a teaching post. I paid rent, and did all my own washing, ironing etc.
I found it very difficult living with her again as I had been used to living by myself for 8 yrs! We both knew it was only temporary though, which made it easier.
As well as the job though I also found MrFC, so I had more than one reason to find my own place as soon as I started work!!!! 8)

weeps working out what year this is for me ….gues I should go somehwere abroad when I retire to avoid this 😉

pretty harsh/wierd if you dont let your own child move back to your house, especially if they're stuggling to find work…so strange…

pretty harsh/wierd if you dont let your own child move back to your house, especially if they're stuggling to find work…so strange…

Rest assured, I am definitely not heartless. 🙂

We moved in with the mother in law mid Decemeber after selling our house and having to break the chain before our new house was ready.

We are still here but with hoepfully 13 more sleeps until we get the keys.

3 words sum it up.

IT'S BEEN HELL………………………

Jesus they're your kids and shouldn't you be there for them at all times anyway? If they were untidy and messy when they lived with you before then yeah, set out ground rules and let them know but don't make them feel uncomfortable. I always felt when I moved back in when my marriage failed that it wasn't right as I'd had my own space and I missed that very much. But everyones circumstances are different and so do what you feel is right. As long as mine didn't destroy my house now I'd let them come back any day.

Hm, if he is clinically depressed one more reason to keep him closer at home?

I went through a time in my life when I felt like I had nothing to live for, no job a failed relationship after 6 years, living in a place without knowing anyone no local friends, I doubt I would have ever made it without knowing that if worse came to worse I had a welcoming home and a loving caring family to go back to.

When the kids want somewhere to live when theyre out of a job or divorceing, strange how they move back home, then when you become old and need someone to care for you, they shove you in a care home and sell your house.

A long time ago, I moved back home at 20 (for 6 months).

The rule at my folks was you paid £20 per week, whether working or not. Consequently my brother who was unemployed had about £5 a week left.

My folks didn't need the cash, but it was an 'incentive' to earn. I saved enough in the 6 months for a deposit on a flat.

I'd do the same now with my kids (I've 3), they will be always welcome.

I moved back in with parents for a while when i was splitting up with 1st wife, and when recovering from some injuries (when i was 30ish). Got under each others feet a bit but that was probably because i didn't have a telly in my room and i was working with dad at the time. Saved a load of money though by paying them hardly anything for my keep 😳

C_G

Having been in a similar situation as your Son not that long ago, I have to say take a look at it from his side of things too. I can't thank my stepmother enough for being patient with me (and bearing in mind I'm not even related to her) for putting up with me whilst I was unemployed. We had previously not had the best of relationships, but after my Dad left her and then I lost my job, we began to get on a whole lot better. OK at 28 (at the time) I was a lot more mature than your average youth that has just moved back home, so was very conscientious about making sure I left things clean and tidy, and trying to do my bit around the house, even if that was primarily just not making any mess in the first place.

One thing I will say that I think made the whole thing work was that we did give each other plenty of space (quite hard when if you're unemployed, even leaving the house is an expense you can ill afford!), but also that I was VERY actively seeking work. When looked at from her side, I could imagine that if I was being rather slack about finding work that it would be absolutely infuriating, but that I was being very proactive about it made her a lot more understanding. To be fair though, I'd been totally self sufficient for a good few years at this point, being at home and unemployed was soul destroying for me, so I wanted to sort it out ASAP!

A Few ground rules and some trust are required… And not the sort of "You must be home by 11" kind of ground rules, but just about house cleanliness and standards, sharing the workload, and obvious evidence of having looked for work actively.

Good luck to the both of you, I hope it all works out!

Oh, and to be fair, I'm sure you're a cool Mum anyway, riding bikes and having loads of mates over for parties etc… Way better than most! 😉

As well c_g…he won't be moving back into the family home of his youth which I think will make it easier for you.
When I moved back home it was to my old family house, so it was very easy to behave just as I had at 16/17/18 (not that I did, but I suppose I still viewed it as "my" house!)
My mum has since down-sized to a bungalow and I now see that very much as her home.

Stock up on bevvy! good luck!!!