It's a very sad day for me today.
After my wife and split about 3 months ago, she has now found somewhere to rent which is fine.
However, my daughter will be going to live with her permanently which I'm going to find really hard.
Also, she has now said that virtually all the good stuff in the house (furniture, will be taken as well - bitch)
Just needed an outlet - sorry people
bummer about your daughter, you'll see her regularly though, yes?
Argue about the furniture if you want it, why should she get it all? 50/50 split surely.
Thought this was going to be a thread about someone selling their ti singlespeed uber-niche machine - not genuinely sad news. 
Sorry to hear that and hope things work out ok for you.
Things will work out for the better in the end but with kids must be hard and as Samuri says tell her to chuff of with the furniture.
50/50 split sounds fair.
Furniture not the kid, natch
Been there got the t-shirt and the solicitors bill. Sorry to hear man, you're at the toughing it out stage I'm afraid.
Just try to keep it together and your dignity intact - don't let the barstewards wear you down.
TS
Thanks for your messages guys.
Hopefully, I will get to see her regularly. As for the furniture - my daughter will need it more than me and it can be replaced at some point.
The biggest issue I have is that my daughter really doesn't want to go - she thinks mummy has something wrong in her head (her words not mine) and has said mummy has to drag her to the new house!
quite a dilemma eh!
Who cares about furniture...Focus on your daughter
If your daughter really doesn't want to go then her wishes should be respected surely?
Yeah true furniture would be best where ever you daughter goes, maybe need to try and have your daughter a bot more if your worried. Sure your going through all this anyway.
If wasn't for work commitments I would have all the time.
I'm more worried about an 8 year old threatening to run away from her mums house.
Your daughter is old enough for her wishes to be taken into account and counted (assuming she would live with you rather than want you both to stay together)
She will have priority over what you /your wife wants and her wishes will be heard and taken into account.
YOU WILL GET TO SEE YOUR DAUGHTER if you are named on the birth certificate you automatically have parental rights. You are only haggling over how much.
Also in the same position as you but two kids involved but looks like it will be one each custody and sharing time equally (but she needs me out within 4 weeks or she is in serious financial trouble so she may /could be saying anything)
It can only get better from here and remember that maintaining contact with your daughter is the Prime goals in this truly sh1tty scenario.
Although not easy fight your corner whilst still trying to maintain some semblance of reasonableness with your ex.
Good luck
I'm currently sending the best vibes I can muster mate.
Not the same, but when I split with a long term (7yrs) partner some years ago it felt like shit until she finally moved out. Things got a lot easier after that.
Hope you feel a little better soon mate.
A virtual pat on the back is on its way.
PT.
Chin up dude, as long as you have time, a bike, and some beer (porn is also a good plan - lol) you will be fine and will have the last laugh!
This place sometime gets a slagging - but not today, some good helpful comments.
Your right, it will get better from now on, as they say the worlds my oyster.
For the record it was 12 years - most of them great, some good and a few really shit months.
Is it just me (sorry girls) but I seem to know a few guys who's wives have reached 40 are going through the same things where my wife completely lost the plot?
maybe family mediation would be useful for you?
http://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/family-mediation.php
Family mediation is a way of resolving disputes after separation or divorce. In mediation, couples are helped to look for their own solutions to their disputes.Both parties explain their concerns and needs to each other in the presence of a qualified family mediator. The mediator is impartial, which means that they are not on anyone's side. They are there help both parties, unlike a solicitor who only works for one party in each case. Sometimes the mediator will suggest a way of solving a problem to help them to reach an agreement acceptable to both, but they will never tell either party what to do.
Probably a damn sight cheaper and better than using solicitors.
My mum works for a place that does it in Essex, she says they get good results.
wasn't really planning on sharing on here, but here goes
looks like I'm heading the same way as Fitzy, 3 kids here. 10 years marriage, wife is 36 and things have gone off course in the last 2 or 3 years - it does seem like shes changed over the last few years and got restless, whilst I have stayed largely the same and want to enjoy the comfortable life and happy kids we are blessed with
I seem to have failed to say/ do the right things since things started going wrong - now things feel too far gone to save, too much mutual frustation and resentment
i don't know how we're going to tell the kids
Much to my ex's annoyance, I thought it wise not to hide anything and be an open book with the kids.
Grievoustim - thats pretty much what happened in my relationship, like you I was happy then all of a sudden - bam it was all over!
Guys I know who have gone through a similar problem described it as 'Me Me Decease'
fitzy
similar scenario with me mate so - 12 years on, one son (5) wife approaching 40 and suddenly stuff isnt good enough, theres no connection etc. well for a few yrs now but you carry on etc. as you think its just a bad patch
i;m looking at rented place tonight - if its any good i'll be moving out in next few wks so in a similar scenario.
chin up - some good comments here which i second - we tried a "Trial" seperation 2 yrs ago and i have to admit i drank too much and it didnt work so try and stay focussed and look after yourself
All a bit grim, like others have said chin up and be there for your girl.
What ever your Mrs does stay focused and in the end right is right and wrong is wrong, your daughter will see that
My god is everyone in some kind of relationship battle?
It seems that there is a mid life crisis thing going on.
yes seems that way
power struggle as my wife called it last night - she is right i am wrong
ha ha
as I said earlier 'Me Me Disease'
Hey, forget the fit club thing, we should start the Fathers Club! with added morel support.
Being 40 for a Woman is a huge life changing event.
Men seem to just look better with age, whereas we realise things are slowly going down hill and I don't mean the bike!
Women now a days are earniing good money ( not me obviously), are more independant and want a lot out of life. Often their Mothers never had the opporunities that we have. So they don't want to end up tied to a kitchen sink. All i.m.o.
Sometimes Men just can't read the signs, after all taking hints is not a man type thing, that things may not be right.
I wish you and your little girl well.
If things aren't mean't to be then so be it.
You will get through this and look back and realise it was for the best.
Been there and got the t shirt, my daughter was 6 when it happened and i was the main carer as partner worked, she told my daughter i left but actually the ex started to burn my stuff and flipped out, so i moved out my daughter is now 20, she has just spent a month with us and its been great, i saw her twicw a week and helped my ex with childcare when she needed it. a few years after that the ex cracked and spent 18 months in hosp with severe depression and has not worked since, so maybe the flipping out bit was a sign. But the pain does ease and it took me about 6 months to get over it but you do in the end, just hang in there and look to the future
I feel for you fitzy.
It's 8 months since my (ex) fiance dropped the bomb on me & moved out & i can honestly say i've not dealt with it too well.
I spent the Xmas/New Year in a complete funk & came very close to hanging myself in January before i managed to get help.
I'm still very bitter over things to do with the ex & it still burns me up sometimes.
I'm seeing a lovely girl now but i feel guilty because i still have the hangups from the last (9yrs) relationship.
Like everyone says, concentrate on your child but don't let the ex walk over you. You have a right to half of the stuff in the house - you paid good money for it so why should you be the one left with nothing?
As Handyman said - it DOES get better but it doesn't happen overnight, so don't expect miracles.
fitzy she wants the best furniture, but it doesnt have to be in best condition,eg spings broke/cut in settee,hinges damaged on cupboards,rubbing a few garlic cloves over the back of cabinets helps ward off evil spirits as does, a few garlic cloves down the back of the arm chairs and in the tv.
Never been in a breakup situation,but near a few times, dont get bitter when it happens as you think you cant do anything, JUST GET EVEN,a few years down the line,revenge a few years latter always appears to mature into a better thing.
All the best Fitzy. Similar thing happened to me over 12 months ago and I never would have believed how good I would feel a year later. Two 8 year old daughters in the equation here but they live with me most of the time and that suits me down to the ground. Focus on yourself and your daughter - it will get better but it will take time - this is the low point for you now but the dark days will get less frequent as time goes on.
When children come along, it is the woman whose life changes the most. For example, giving up work, a new experience of bringing up a baby for 10 hours each day 5 days per week. Loneliness, loss of self-esteem, reduced income, hormones all over the place etc etc.
The man carries on with his normal routine, ie going to work.
As Bunnyhop says, reaching 40 is a life changing event. It's a time for perhaps facing up to where your life is going, or not going. Do you have anything in common with your partner, apart from children. Much introspection with many questions needing to be answered.
I wish you well though and do continue to see your daughter on a regular basis and maintain a good relationship with her. Furniture is just possessions and can be replaced at any time.
Cinnamon girl
Normally I would agree with you but I was pretty much the main carer after the birth of my daughter due to various issues and was pretty much right up until recently.
Still that's living in the past now.
Thanks guys actually have helped and I feel a lot better about the future now.
Coming up for 12 months for me since wife set up home with family "friend" and I cannot believe how far I have come in that time.Daughter 4 son 3 both adopted siblings broke me heart not to see them. Up till last week could only see them alternate weekends but took it court last Monday and now have one overnight during the week. Kids think its great on Daddy night.
Life turns upside down for a while and you can think of nothing else. Stay focused on your daughter after all her needs come first. Keep your dignity and try not to rise to the bait that gets sent your way. Keep off the booze and try to do the things you like doing most with the people you like the most. I threw myself into the training thing riding as much as poss with or without my mates.
Now I'm as fit as a fiddle and it's her that's having regrets.
Only downside is today my son is 3 and I won't be at his birthday party tonight but had them overnight last night so did my party thing yesterday.
Off to Morzine on Friday to cheer myself up.
I like the idea of having the time to ride and get fit again, so I'm going to put a plan together tonight.
I sure that my daughter will be OK, I got her a mobile phone and I'm getting texts every couple of hours or so telling me what she is up too - great!
Like you Fizzer, I've just booked a trip to Morzine at the end of August with a group of friends.
I suppose that once you get used to living alone, its not so bad.
Sounds cheesy but its true what they say my friend - time is a great healer.
Make the most of your precious time with your daughter, you'll find every time you see her is quality time.
And enjoy that trip to the Alps, I know I'm going to.
We all seem to have the same tee shirt All went down the drain when i was 26 took a load of pills (****) made myself sick . she left everything house pets the lot. then about 4 months later all the bills for the things she had brought on tick ect started rolling in. as she left the house i paid them off 20yrs later very happy and found mountain bikes and the LOVE of my life. You just need to draw a line under it and move on it is hard but worth it in the end. and be very careful when the new man turns up cos you will want to scrap with him but it will be the worse thing you can do. chin up and smile.
Stay off the booze and drugs. Best of luck.
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