Throwback Thursday – Cheek to cheek

March 6, 2014

Column: Cheek to cheek.

Them were the days them were
Them were the days, them were

Roly has undercarriage issues. Please bare with him…

I have not got a Flite shaped bottom.

I did have a favourite perch but it’s discontinued now. The one I did have I managed to snap the rails on. By riding uphill on the road, sat down. That’ll teach me. It was a Titec Beserkr (the missing ‘e’ is important). A real Goldilocks saddle, with a pleasing fan-shaped rear section, middle length with just the right curve to it and a nose I could happily squidge my tubes on to for hours. Like doing something illegal with a Muppet. I have seen triathlon-specific freakery that looks similar to a glove puppet that has been set about with an iron bar. I must admit I am tempted.

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Bike companies have now realised that they sell more stuff if they tell you, the consumer, that things will fit you specifically and make you ‘better’. The new technology required more in-shop equipment – the bottom-measuring gel pad. After being told off for rocking on it for a little too long (well it was nice and cool), it transpired that I have a medium-spaced bum. Average. Normal. Hmmm. I dutifully bought the saddle. It was good. The back part fitted me, the front wasn’t too wide or dagger-like. It was designed to do what a saddle should: supporting each cheek, with a little rest for the rest at the front. And it was white and expensive. It was perfect.

When I finally had enough money to buy another one, a model year had passed and they’d changed the design. Rotters. I can only imagine the extra complication of having Lady Parts. I might have to go and have a lie down on the garage floor…

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