What would it be?

When I’m give the crown:

“Men shall not order lattes”

Your are king of the world

People who don’t get the spelling and grammar right in their forum posts should be forced to drink only lattes.

all twits* shall fight to the death in the Colosseum

(maybe death is a bit strong) 😕

*by twits, I mean ****

The Chilterns shall be dry and dusty all year

All rain shall fall at night, and only just enough to maintain the good health of the relevant Eco systems.

Or is that getting a bit Canute ish?

People who don’t get the spelling and grammar right in their forum posts should be forced to drink only lattes.

*curses missing the edit cut-off*

Or is that getting a bit Canute ish?

A little. I was thinking more of controlling people, not the weather…

The cameras in gatsos will be removed, and replaced with laser guided missile systems. Just to make things more interesting.

All persons other than me will leave. Now.

I would enact a law that essentially resolves to “Don’t be a cock”. This would replace all existing laws and would be a handy way of sorting out liability in almost every case.

Had a car accident? Was the other driver being a cock? They are to blame.

Companies have massive profits but pay very little tax? Are they being cocks? Guilty, pay that tax.

Someone on the internet randomly insulting people for no reason and no benefit. Are they being a cock? Guilty.

I think it would work and make the whole world better.

Graeme will be forced to give me back all the clothes he steals from me. My little brov wi not be allowed to be a stirring little shit for the rest of his life, my gf will make toast and will nod along with “jangly guitar shit” and occasionally be forced to make appreciative noises.

It wil be law that a supermarket will be forced to always have stock of muller rice vanilla, and everyone should get a free latte

Death squads to operate at all advanced stop boxes and mandatory cycle lanes. Any driver encroaching will be dragged from their car and shot in the back of the neck after watching their vehicle being crushed.

4 day weeks. I’d far prefer to do 4 x 10 hour days* and then have 3 days for the weekend.

(as opposed to the 5 x 10 that i do now)

I prefer lattes

emsz – I think you missed the ‘one decree’ bit 🙂

I prefer lattes

Enjoy it while you can

*polishes crown in anticipation*

Huuuge Rollerball events shall take place on the M25 once a month.

That I would continue to be king, forever.

Obviously 🙂

Anyone who leaves school/university and directly enters politics should be banded from becoming an MP

i would make elfinsafety lord of the mods and force mark to carry his sandwiches.

Midges…. I’d do something about midges.

Anything that encroaches an Advanced Stop Line at a red traffic light other than a bicycle and it’s rider shall be vapourised without any reimbursement to the owner and/or their dependants

Shower Gel/Shampoo bottles that cannot be stood on their lids would be outlawed…

Thereby you would be able to get all the shampoo/gel out of its receptacle without resorting to …. arranging all the other bottles in the bathroom around your nearly empty one. Allowing you to stand the nearly empty one, propped up by the others, upside down on a badly designed lid to get the last bit out.

A world of shinny haired and sweet smelling people would be a better place.

(Yes … if that’s my biggest problem in life, I doing alright… happy days )

Anything that encroaches an Advanced Stop Line at a red traffic light other than a bicycle and it’s rider shall be vapourised without any reimbursement to the owner and/or their dependants

Cycle happily to an ASL, and fwoosh! “Ah, my clothes! My backpack! My child who was in the kiddie seat!” 😆

I think I’d abolish the ASL – crap solution to a non-problem invented by a moron after zero minutes thought. The old system of “two wheelers pull in at the front, and no-one cares” was much better.

All members of the present Tory front bench must take part in the new reality TV show on ITV4 called Life Swap. Where they are made to experience life on benefits, living in a damp tower block in a grim sink estate in Birmingham.

There is no actual show, we just install them there and forget about them. Let them spend the rest of their days living like the people they so despise, in a hell of their own making

Once you’re worth, say, £10 million, it resets to zero like the high-score in Pacman.

All celebrities famous for being famous and nothing else required to take part in a new reality show – “Dancing on Fire” – Winner gets a golden fire extinguisher.

all pork scratchings should be hairy

emsz – I think you missed the ‘one decree’ bit

I prefer lattes

Enjoy it while you can

*polishes crown in anticipation*

Euphamism?

That I should never want for anything ever again. [/selfish ****]

Abolish traffic lights

Make all cars (well motorised vehicles) autonomous.

If you could do it by godly decree overnight so the next day everything on the road was autonomous and networked together you could pretty much eliminate congestion and accidents.

If you can’t reverse park* it then you can’t have it.

*properly I.e. straight, in one bay and allowing other owners access to their vehicle

Everyone should hug when they greet each other

All rain shall fall at night, and only just enough to maintain the good health of the relevant Eco systems.

Or is that getting a bit Canute ish?

Actually Canute didn’t make a fool of himself by not holding back the tide, he suceeded in what he was attempting to do, which was to prove that there are some things which even a king can’t do. Just because he is a king and commands the tide to retreat doesn’t mean that it will, he didn’t want his subjects thinking of him as some sort of supreme being.
.

Make all cars (well motorised vehicles) autonomous.

If you could do it by godly decree overnight so the next day everything on the road was autonomous and networked together you could pretty much eliminate congestion and accidents
Because computers never crash 😀

Can we ban those mechanical hedge-cutters and make farmers lay hedges properly?

DNA testing and registration of all dogs.

Then test every piece of dog toffee found and make the owner eat it.
Live on television.

We could have a TV channel dedicated purely to the consumption of excrement. Perhaps we could call it Dave.

I’d make myself King for life and then have as many decrees as I wanted 😉

Declare a Republic and resign immediately.

Turn myself into a queen for the day and make everyone FABULOUS!

Ban Cars, or at least 90% of them.

I would abolish the current legal system and impose Thunderdome law throughout the land.
In each town and city would be a giant metal Thunderdome, with all legal disputes having to take place inside and on the simple premise of 2 men (or women) enter, one man (or woman) leaves.
I expect this to quickly end most crime although how we will deal with the super fit and athletic criminals left at the end I am not to sure, I will leave that mess for the next King for a day

Disband all organised religion and all the land and assetts owned by those religions to be sold and put together with all the cash they hold and spread equally amongst every person over 16 years of age in employment and earning less than say 18k gross.
Hooray for King Jek 😀

For one action that would do loads of people a lot of good, and assuming I command all the armies, I would send in the all the Special Forces from every country in the world into Zimbabwe and get rid of Mugabe and his evil henchmen.