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  • What to write in a ‘With Sympathy’ card?
  • Premier Icon swoosh
    Free Member

    What do you write in one of these cards? It’s to a woman i haven’t meant (the deceased was a director at my work but has been off for about 8 months with cancer and sadly passed away last week). he was a good man and didnt deserve this to happen to him but i’ve never written one of these cards before, what should you write?

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Full Member

    “sorry for your loss, he will be missed.”

    don’t sweat it if you don’t know the recipient.

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Full Member

    somethign about your experience of him as a person and also an expression of sorrow for those he’s left behind who are having to deal with their loss?

    Premier Icon Gary_M
    Free Member

    Nice thought wwaswas but seems a bit ‘Gwyneth Paltrow’ to me, a simple ‘sorry to hear of your sad loss’ works just as well.

    Premier Icon hora
    Free Member

    As wwaswas says. What did you feel about him? think of your experiences with him? what little things did he do that you liked about him? I think a collection of different thoughts from different people will mean alot to the recipient. In a way it gives that persons life more colour and some solace. It must be awful for their partner but I do feel, in alittle way it will help sooth the void with positivity.

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Full Member

    you may be right Gary_M but it’s also true that most of us have no idea about how people our partners work with perceive them – I thought it might be nice for the woman to hear that he was a decent bloke who someone she’s never met thought well of rather than just getting another ‘I can’t think of anything original’ type message.

    Premier Icon aP
    Free Member

    For births I normally write “better out than in eh?”, however for this it’d be a bit insensitive.
    If you didn’t know them then something like “sorry for your loss” is simnple and dignified – why say any more (if uyou knew him well then obviously you can write more)

    Premier Icon hels
    Free Member

    In my experience, it doesn’t really matter what you say, either in person or in a card, its the fact that you are saying something that counts. She will be in a blur anyway. If you have something nice to say about what you remember about the person that will be nice if she reads the cards later.

    Again from personal experience, this kind of support helps more than you might think. Just don’t try and hug heer at the funeral…

    Premier Icon geoffj
    Full Member

    he was a good man and didnt deserve this to happen to him

    You know what to write.

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Full Member

    good point, gj

    Premier Icon tankslapper
    Free Member

    Something anectdotal that showed the deceased in a good light and/or sorry for you loss, sadly missed?

    Premier Icon Gary_M
    Free Member

    ‘he was a good man and didn’t deserve this to happen to him’ The ‘he was a good man’ bit is fine but I wouldn’t write the ‘didn’t deserve this to happen to him’ bit. Few people do deserve to have cancer and reading this won’t help the recipients.

    How about ‘he was a good man and will be sadly missed by all his friends and colleagues at x’

    Premier Icon Midnighthour
    Free Member

    I know lots of people like to give/recieve these cards, but personally I hate them and have made it clear to friends that I dont want any if I experience a loss. I think its because I associate greetings cards with happy events, so I find death ones a bit harrowing. Its very personal, but I can’t imagine anything worse than day after day of depressing cards arriving, each one reminding one of death and loss, both my own grief and that of other peoples – its not really a help. But as I said, I think I am in a minority. You have my sympathy about knowing what to say, its hard enough if you meet a bereved person to find caring words for the misery they are going through.

    Premier Icon BigSteve
    Free Member

    Having just lost my Dad the week before Christmas I can say that the cards have been a great comfort. To read what people have had to say about the man I only ever knew as my Dad has brought me to tears. To hear another side to my Dad has been very touching – and the number of cards as well. I thought that since he’d retired he’d lost touch with a lot of people. Obviously not.

    Write your card – say something that means something of what the man meant to you personally, as well as the “sorry for your sad loss”.

    Premier Icon project
    Free Member

    Even though “joe” has sadly died he will live on in my memories of him, a truely nice chap, and boss, my sincerest thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.

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