One of my best mates got divorced a few years ago. I knew his wife pretty well – she was friends with my ex and we all used to hang out together. She wasn’t that nice a person in those days – no empathy at all – but learnt a lot with the divorce and that and because of various friends-in-common I stayed in touch with her and actually get on pretty well these days. My mate doesn’t speak to her at all – he’s happily remarried now.
She’s now got re-married too and I have an invite to the reception in July. But not sure if I should accept. My overriding loyalty is clear – to my mate, and just not sure he’d be too comfortable me going. Not in a big way, just probably a bit uncomfortable. I could raise it with him direct, but thought I’d gather the collective wisdom of STW first cos even having the conversation could be awkward? Options as I see it are:
1. Turn the invite down with an excuse
2. Go and don’t tell my mate. He’d almost certainly never know but I’d feel guilty for not telling him
3. Have a chat with my mate and check he’d be ok and then accept/decline
So long as you’re not taking his ex to the Back Doors Inn, I don’t see it as a major issue. I’d say, don’t ask him as such but as a curtousy, let him know you’re going. Maybe best not to ask him to be your plus one though!