Cold toast? Eat it in your hair shirt? Crying? Cos mummy didn’t love you enough to give you proper toast? You need help.

Cold toast with a plastering of hard salty butter FTW.

^This

With butter so thick you leave teeth marks when you bite into it.

Where do you butter the toast if not on the plate?
Chopping board, it’s a poor heat conductor so the toast doesn’t get cold.

Quarter-sawn English Oak chopping board/deli board obvs.

cold is just wrong.
annoys me when B+B’s/hotels give you toast on an airing rack designed specially to make it go cold asap.
always have the toast before the full english / full scottish.
more marmite is always an acceptable answer.

You have to leave the toast to cool a bit, in the toaster, otherwise when you put it on your plate, you get a layer of condensation on the plate, thus making the bottom surface of the toast slightly damp.

Surely you wrap your toast in a napkin then place it in the bread basket prior to consumption?

Toasty means warm, therefore toast should be eaten warm.
Out of the toaster, onto the breadboard, butter on, then the topping.

Peanut better, marmite, (or both), jam, honey, pate or cheese. Your choice, so long as the toast is still warm.

I’m literally catching the toast as it pops up, on the board, butter on and Marmite on and first bite within a matter of seconds.

this!

and woe betide anyone who inadvertently gets in the way as i race the 10ft from the toaster to the butter 😆

nb. plates are a bit of a waste of effort too. just eat it over the sink and get out to work like a normal person

On the scone thing, I have no particular affiliation either way. Rather, it’s one of practicality. Spreading jam onto a scone is easy, as is then spreading cream onto a jammy scone. Trying to spread jam onto half an inch of cream is like biting into a a vanilla slice.

Is the correct answer. I have conducted trials, and if the aim (as it should be) is to maximise the quantity of clotted cream, then an even, thick layer of jam allows for the cream to be dolloped on top, in industrial quantities.

and woe betide anyone who inadvertently gets in the way as i race the 10ft from the toaster to the butter

I look to your sub-optimally designed toast preparation area with mild disdain.

To any entrepreneur reading this – I offer the idea of a four-slice toaster which ejects slices at one-minute intervals, in exchange for a promise of one of the first production batch. Do we have a deal?

Also have none of you lot discovered Vegemite? Like Marmite, but tasty.

Also have none of you lot discovered Vegemite? Like Marmite, but tasty for weedy wimps who can’t handle the real thing .

FTFY.

I’ve never actually had Vegemite. What’s it like? I figure it’s basically mild Marmite, but…?

Designed by the Antipodeans to actually be eaten unlike the stuff that was actually supposed to be thrown away….

Vegemite? Foreign muck. #wewantourcountryback

I’ve never actually had Vegemite. What’s it like?

The earwax of a feral cat, much like Marmite.

To any entrepreneur reading this – I offer the idea of a four-slice toaster which ejects slices at one-minute intervals, in exchange for a promise of one of the first production batch. Do we have a deal?

Kickstarter. I’m in.

doris5000 – Member

and woe betide anyone who inadvertently gets in the way as i race the 10ft from the toaster to the butter

Why would your butter dish be so far from your toaster, unless it was in your fridge?!

You have been outed, and may leave at your earliest convenience.

Why would your butter dish be in the fridge?
Unless you are the-muffin-man and have it sliced….. in which case remove yourself from the human race post haste!

If the toast is cold, how will the chocolate sprinkles melt?

Allowing the toast to cool a little aids more even application and subsequently a more enjoyable toast experience.

toast warms the marmite, makes it more spreadable, hence easier application.
cold toast is just hard bread, what’s the point?

I offer the idea of a four-slice toaster which ejects slices at one-minute intervals

toaster needs to be prewarmed before putting your bread in so unless this is an incredibly complex toaster then doing it manually with a normal toaster.

Buttering Hot or Cold? Depends on its final application, especially if intended for use as soldiers with egg.

Hot buttered toast makes for rather limp, floppy soldiers that just can’t penetrate to the oozing goodness that awaits the insertion of a nice firm soldier!!

I offer the idea of a four-slice toaster which ejects slices at one-minute intervals

I counter with the idea of dropping slices of bread into a four slice toaster at 1 minute intervals. 😉

Why would your butter dish be so far from your toaster, unless it was in your fridge?!

You have been outed, and may leave at your earliest convenience.

unfortunately it’s a pretty tiny kitchen, so the toaster, along with the microwave, breadmaker and washing machine, have to go in this kind of side-room/back-kitchen bit. We only moved in a year ago and I want to just knock it all through but the wife demurs. I tried explaining about the ergonomics of toastmaking but, unbelievably, she still isn’t convinced.

a four-slice toaster which ejects slices at one-minute intervals

I have always wished for one of these! 😀

Cold toast!
Out of my sight you cretins croutons

So, this cold toast. You take a slice of bread, put it in the toaster, and heat/toast it, correct so far? On completion of the heat/toast cycle, you take it out of the toaster, and let it go cold, before buttering, ensuring the butter doesn’t melt, before eating?

WTF is wrong with you? How long does all that palaver take? Do you get up extra early in order to account for the extra time?

(My first thought was that people buttered ‘raw’ bread before toasting, which is less weird than the above)

So, this cold toast. You take a slice of bread, put it in the toaster, and heat/toast it, correct so far? On completion of the heat/toast cycle, you take it out of the toaster, and let it go cold, before buttering, ensuring the butter doesn’t melt, before eating?

Yes!

But the toast has to be stood uptight while cooling or one half gets soggy with condensation.

There is an optimum coldness though, past that it goes leathery.

You’d think with that username you’d know better

If you reheat toast with marmite and butter it tastes like twiglets 🙂

But the toast has to be stood uptight while cooling or one half gets soggy with condensation.

There is an optimum coldness though, past that it goes leathery.
Are you my doppelgänger?

So, this cold toast. You take a slice of bread, put it in the toaster, and heat/toast it, correct so far? On completion of the heat/toast cycle, you take it out of the toaster, and let it go cold, before buttering, ensuring the butter doesn’t melt, before eating?

Yes!

But the toast has to be stood uptight while cooling or one half gets soggy with condensation.

There is an optimum coldness though, past that it goes leathery.

Pretty much. You don’t let it go cold, just cool enough to facilitate the application of spreadables wihtout a) tearing the bread apart, and b) an uneven finish.

the toast has to be stood uptight while cooling or one half gets soggy with condensation.

I see your problem here. You’re making toast to look at.

hot or cold?

both, thusly:

step1) put 2 slices of bread in a toaster, engage.

step2) when the toasting process has finished, quickly apply approx 100grams of crunchy peanut butter to 1 of the hot slices. eat.

step3) while eating, remove the second slice, and allow to cool.

step4) once you’ve eaten the peanut buttery slice, apply butter, then marmite to the cool slice, eat.

repeat this process 3 or 4 times a day.

This thread has seen a great many members added to The List.

Would this list be associated with The Wall by any chance?

Hot, must be hot!

Hot toast + Cold marmalade. It’s all about the contrast. Delicious.

But if you butter hot toast you end up with a crappy limp thing that’s gone from a nice doorstep thickness to 1mm thick and soggy! 😀

after the marmite slice there must also be a marmalade slice but using the marmite knife. the only way to clean the marmite knife is either on the fresh slice of toast before the marmalade goes on it (but only if you’ll get a rollocking for contaminating the marmalade), or better still dip the marmite knife in the marmalade directly and it gets cleaned whilst spreading the marmalade.

Or clean it ‘inside’ the toast itself. Just pierce the edge of the toast and slide the blade in and out a couple of times. Job done.

The subsequent random bite of marmite/marmalade combination just adds to the experience.