“sees yous later”

I have just realised they may have been going to grab some female sheep so perhaps my crossness was misplaced.

Bread molesters in supermarkets. I’d like to stab them in the eye with a sharpened baguette.

Fedex tracking, parcel due before 12:40 they missed that window now updated to due before 18.00 what a load of crap.

People calling each other ‘chap’.

My BIL does it constantly.
Get away from my sister you melt! 😡

People who get annoyed with wheelchair users or infirm people in supermarkets. Show some compassion.

Does being infirm make you stop dead in a doorway with your trolley at arm’s length, blocking the entire thing off?

It’s nothing to do with being infirm, it’s everything to do with catastrophic common sense failure.  Stepping to the side to let others past because you’ve suddenly realised that you have to fanny about for ten minutes shouldn’t be a difficult concept to anyone allowed outside unaccompanied.

need a receipt?/no thanks, I won’t be returning screenwash

Stuff like this triggers my sarcasm gland. Buying a bag of chips, “do you want a receipt?” Why, do you suppose they might be faulty?

Receipts generally make me disproportionately cross. I didn’t ask for it, I don’t want it, I have ‘proof of purchase’ by dint of your tracking storecard recording everything I’ve bought from you in the last twenty years but no, the bastard thing still vomits out a strip of dead tree for me to tear out of its face and throw straight in the bin without looking at it. It’s just so pointless and wasteful.

Occasionally I get a helpful store assistant going “you’ve forgotten your receipt!” No I haven’t, I’ve deliberately ignored it. One time I got “but what if you get stopped by security?” “Well, I suppose first I’ll have an argument, then I’ll be speaking with your store manager about treating your customers like criminals, and then I’ll be writing to Glasgow,” is what I wanted to reply.

Buying a bag of chips, “do you want a receipt?” Why, do you suppose they might be faulty?

I buy a lottery ticket

They ask me if I want the receipt

I ask if I can return it if I don’t win the jackpot.

They no longer ask me if I want the receipt.

Parcelfarce drivers who give your item to a neighbour, but are too stupid to post a card through the door to tell you which **** neighbour!

Ah yes.

Then an email, “item delivered successfully.”  Not to me it $%^&ing hasn’t.

This….£100 of airtags.

“two times as long” oh, you mean twice as long.

Not as bad as “two times less” honestly wtf does that mean.

Well, it means fractionally more than “twice as less”. But neither makes very much sense at all in reality

… User is typing…

…

… User is typing…

…

… User is typing…

…

… User is typing…

…

“Yes.”

****’s sake, that was worth waiting half a decade for.

Buying a bag of chips, “do you want a receipt?” Why, do you suppose they might be faulty?

Mr Chippy:

“No, but some of our customers claim a meal allowance from work and have to show receipts. You. Sarky. Oversized. Feline. Get the **** out of my chippy, you’re barred”!

Cold plates. You have ravaged mother earth to provide heat and nutrients which need cooking to make them enjoyable.
Why o why o why do people then serve delicious hot food firstly into a set of stone cold pretty china serving dishes , to move it onto a a large cold heat sink of a plate.?
And don’t get me started on the hapless idiots who deign it unnecessary to put ye rapidly chilling vegetables onto any else’s plate but will happily ladle roasted potatoes in their direction only closely followed by the cauliflower cheese.
When a restaurant does it it’s even worser

Eco warriors. The vast majority are massive hypocrites who seem to think that they are exempt from causes of pollution. For example jso using oil based products to say we shouldn’t use oil.

And I’ll bet they wear fleeces too! What’s wrong with genuine Eider down?

…….stop dead in a doorway with your trolley at arm’s length, blocking the entire thing off?

In a similar vein. Stopping your SUV in the middle of the lane in the parking lot so you can walk across the empty parking spaces to the trashcan. I appreciate you not launching your shit out the window, but why block everyone else while you do it if you could pull into the space right **** in front of it?

Aye, that would have me spitting at the inside of my windscreen as well @10.

I had similar at the supermarket years ago late at night. Hundreds of empty spots and this prick waits for his missus and daughter to walk out the front of the shop then proceeds to drive up to it blocking the single lane out of the car park while they load their weekly shop and I get a front row seat. **** me, absolute tosspot of the highest order. Think I started a thread on here about it actually. I was **** ing bouncing 🤣

Tracking info that should convey a sense that you will get to build if not ride your new bike this weekend but just, well …….

@onehundredthidiot – almost as painful seeing it just sit in customs! My Raaw was sent on the 11th of April, got to UK customs on the 22nd and i finally got to pay the bill this morning….. seeing a bank holiday weekend come and go was painful. It will be worth the wait tho!

People who rattle the fuel pump around the fuel filler neck aperture on their vehicles when they finish filling up.

What are you expecting to achieve with this? Defy gravity and somehow get the last 0.1ml of fuel out of the pump nozzle? The hose is most likely pointing downwards from the pump handle, so if you want to extract every last drop from it, put your hand on the hose and lift it above the height of the nozzle.

Except the valve is clearly in the trigger mechanism and waving the pipe around does not make a jot of difference.

You just get more skanky fuel on your hands by gripping the pipe below the handle to manhandle it about

You not shake your **** when finished peeing? (Assuming you have one)

People who rattle the fuel pump around the fuel filler neck aperture on their vehicles when they finish filling up.

What are you expecting to achieve with this?

Well… because otherwise half the time the last drips will dribble down the side of the car as you remove the nozzle. It’s quicker to give a quick wiggle just in case than hunting round every dispenser in the forecourt trying to find one that has some tissues left in it.

You not shake your **** when finished peeing? (Assuming you have one)

He gets it 😉

“You not shake your **** when finished peeing?”

Came here to say the same. It’s just standard urinal/pump practice to prevent unwanted dribbles in places others can see.

EDIT: how do I get quote functionality etc back in the editor? I thought if I posted then edit it came back, but apparently not.

“No, but some of our customers claim a meal allowance from work and have to show receipts. You. Sarky. Oversized. Feline. Get the **** out of my chippy, you’re barred”!

Your chips are crap anyway.  I’m only here because you’re three doors away and I’m too bone idle to walk 5 minutes into town to go to the good one.

Except the valve is clearly in the trigger mechanism and waving the pipe around does not make a jot of difference.

which bolsters my point further…. doing anything other than leaving it for a second or two, then extracting the nozzle, albeit with a twist of the wrist to stop any drips (if you so wish), rather than playing the pan pipes with your filler neck.

for me, 26 years of driving. never wangled the pump. not sure i ever remember excess fuel coming out. i guess we arent all built the same.

and whilst i do give the old boy a shake after a pee, i dont slam it against the urinal multiple times whilst doing so.

At the petrol pump . No . Release trigger . Wait 3 seconds for the drips to leave the nozzle. Remove nozzle and replace in pump.

No matter how much you shake the peg,

The last few drops go down your leg.

“and whilst i do give the old boy a shake after a pee, i dont slam it against the urinal multiple times whilst doing so”

Remember the old adage, Mmore than three’s a w**k.”

Xinxiangphobia:

I received an update from eBay…‘your package has been delivered successfully’.

nothing in my hallway, so I stepped outside to find this:

it could have easily been posted through my letterbox😂😂😣

nothing on the receiving side of the letterbox but a grumpy old twit.

Your chips are crap anyway.  I’m only here because you’re three doors away and I’m too bone idle to walk 5 minutes into town to go to the good one.

How very dare you! Still, you could probably do with laying off the chips for a bit anyway…..

I should probably hit them harder, truth be told.

Xinxiangphobia

I learned a new word today, thanks for that.

Is this disproportionate?

The chap who wasn’t putting the “west” into country and western just now when he flung his car door open and almost took me out at the bollocks, having parked up on the pavement leaving a passing space of about a foot.  On double yellows.  Facing into oncoming traffic.  About 20 yards from a free car park.

Eco warriors. The vast majority are massive hypocrites who seem to think that they are exempt from causes of pollution. For example jso using oil based products to say we shouldn’t use oil.

youre joking obviously. it would be absured to suggest that someone couldnt try and influence the prevelance of private transport use if they stepped on a road to get there.

or the strip mining of the congo if they own a 10 year old nokia.

“bUt wE LiVe iN A soCieTY”

youre joking obviously.

Nope. I’m not joking. They should set the example and not wear oil based clothes and use oil based products for their protests. If they think that we don’t need oil then they should lead the way and prove it not tell everyone else what they should do but won’t do themselves

People who refuse to see that sometimes, issues aren’t just black and white.

Thieving gits.
Why should everything I own and work to own have to be locked up? Then spend more money alarming the stuff I have locked up. Then spend more money on the system to monitor the alarm, which detects if the locked up stuff is being cut through in 30s by a £100 grinder?

Staying with the car theme:

People who don’t realise that the pump can, wait for it, actually reach the other side of the car. You can use the pumps that are on the opposite side to where your access is!

Really petty, people who don’t use pay at pump when they could. Then come back and **** about for five minutes before leaving.

The utterly despicable human beings who indicate right when leaving a round about. Left, you are always exiting to the left. You absolute bastards. I don’t even care if what they are doing is technically correct. It just annoys me for no reason.