MegaSack DRAW - 6pm Christmas Eve - LIVE on our YouTube Channel
My lad needs some new jokes to tell because I'm losing the will to live with his current repertoire.
*other than the Oscar Pistorious one.
Who's there?
"I Dunnap"
always makes an 8 year old cry.
"*sob* he made me say I Dunnap who *sob*"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the pervert cross the road?
He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Fight fire with fire
knock knock: Who's there?
Banana: Banana who?
knock knock: Who's there?
Banana: Banana who?
knock knock: Who's there?
Banana: Banana who?
knock knock: Who's there?
Orange: Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow
Interrupt......
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
7yr old: Mum, what happens if you eat lots of tinsel?
Me: probably emergency surgery to prevent obstruction somewhere in your digestive system.
7yr old: *blank face* *small voice* you get tinselitis.
Why did the chicken cross the road
To see the idiot behind the door.
Knock knock
Knock Knock
Who's there?
**** off!
[img] https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTesKVoqCPU81HJXy6-xak3wszzYePfaEHq-amQLjnnLZFlNSfX [/img]
I would avoid knock knock jokes. Better to have a wider repertoire...
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen
What do you call a man hiding in a bush?
Russell
What do you call a man sitting in a Ford Capri with no arms, no legs, no head and a gun?
Bodie
Knock knock
Who's there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in I forgot my key
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Avon, your bell's knackered.
What do you call a woman who can balance a pint of lager on her head?
Beatrix
.... whilst playing snooker?
Beatrix Potter
OK we will do a knock knock joke but you have to start:
Knock knock
Who's there?......
Two wee chaps?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a poo
P1: Say 'knock knock'
P2: 'knock knock'
P1: Who's there?
P2: ❓
Or
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Boogleoogle
Boogle oogle who?
Glen Miller and, evidently, that fellow from Company B
No. There are no funny knock knock jokes.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Dr
(IGMC)
What's a Russian called with three testicles?
Oudya Nikabolokov.
Malvern rider - imnotverygood beat you & me to it....
What do you call a man who's been dead for 300years - Pete
Quickly followed by interrupting pirate (Aaarh!) and so forth.Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow
Interrupt......
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a poo
I saw a dating programme where this was some pillock's best joke. He was quite annoyed when the woman didn't find it funny - accused her of not getting the joke.. Kids eh?
Local fave, which I think I made up-
Knock knock
who's there
Petersfield
petersfield who?
Petersfield his pants.
(You probably have to know Petersfield and a twit called Peter to really enjoy the joke)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Pile-up
(filled his pants, in case anyone doesn't get it)
What do you call a bloke with a spade on his head?
Doug.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see the idiot!
*awkward silence at rubbish joke*
Knock knock
Who's there?
Duh, the chicken.
What do you call a bloke without a spade on height head?
Dougless
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
- Dunno
- To see the idiot.
.
.
.
.
- Knock knock
- Who is there
- The chicken
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
- Dunno
- To see the idiot.
.
.
.
.
- Knock knock
- Who is there
- The chicken, he wants to talk to you about a double post...and the fact it's been put up twice before I did.
What do you do if you find a trumpet it in your garden?
Root-it-oot
What's brown and sounds like a bell
Dung
What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his bum....
Warren
What do you call a man with a car on his head....
Jack
What do you call a man with a number plate on his head....
Reg 😆
Knock knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Ronnie
Ronnie who?
RONNIE PICKERING!
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, how many...
(Interrupt, bellowing)
Vee ask zee qvestions!
Note- I'm not a racist, a German told me this joke after I'd given my best mans speech, to Germans, in German. I can't stand the Belgians though...
What is the commonest Owl in the world?
After several guesses Barn, Tawny, Snowy tell them the answer "Teat" 🙂
Knock KNock
Who's there?
Nicolas
Nicolas who?
Nicolas girls shouldn't climb trees
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
What do you call a man with no arms or legs swimming the channel?
Clever Dick.
What do you call a man with no arm or legs hanging on your wall by his pullover?
Art
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a ditch full of leaves?
Russel.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool!
Bob.
What the smallest pub in the world?
The Thalidomide Arms....
Frappe, frappe.
Qui est la?
Lors
Lors qui?
Oui....
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Scott
Scott who?
Scott nothing to do with you.
I'm utterly perplexed at the sheer number of posters here who seemingly don't understand the concept of a knock-knock joke.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Umm... who's there?"
Also, "interrupting cow" is the correct answer.
what's red and invisible?
No tomatoes
Who's there?
How do mathematicians deal with constipation?
Work it out with a pencil...
Two fish in a tank.
One says "have you got a license to drive this thing?"
Fish swims into a wall.
Damn.
Green fire exit signs.
I hear they're on the way out.
[quote=Cougar ]Who's there?
to get to the other side
Who's there?
The lights are on but nobody's home
[url= https://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/apr/15/bbc-adrian-chiles-germanwings-joke-lord-bell ]Knock Knock[/url]
Knock knock
Who's there
Bigish
Bigish who
No thanks.
Nicholas girls shouldn't ride bicycles.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Wurlitzer.
Wurlitzer who?
Wurlitzer one for the money, two for the show...
Frappe, frappe.
Qui est la?
Lors
Lors qui?
Oui....
Ok, that's pretty good.
"Knock Knock"
"who's ther..."
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Two budgies on a perch
Budgie #1 says .........can you smell fish ?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Isobel.
Isobel who?
Isobel necessary on a bicycle.
Topical but still not funny.
Snowman 1 to snowman 2:
Can you smell carrots?
Goldfish one:where are we?
Goldfish two :in a tank
Goldfish one, cool you drive I'll shoot.
What dyou call a man with a bit of wood balanced on his head
Edward
With 3 bits?
Edward woodward
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch
Hatch who?
Gazuntite!
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Philip Glass.
I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey, but I've turned myself around.... and that's what it's all about.
