Is my sister in law stirring or naieve?

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 158 total)
  • Is my sister in law stirring or naieve?
  • backhander
    Member

    Binners winners!

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    what if they wanted a small wedding miles away from certain friends and family… or simply.. what if they wanted vegas?

    Fair enough and that is perfectly understandable, but if they want the sister to be there it’s a bit off to offer to pay for only her. Sensitive subject I reckon.

    If you want a wedding away from people you don’t have to go to Las Vegas. Anywhere will do.

    konabunny
    Member

    An overseas wedding when a) you can’t afford to pay people to come over and b) your family can’t afford it themselves is a bit out of order too imo.

    They don’t want to have to sit at a Harvester in Chelmsford listening to Uncle Alf whining about what a shitty job they’ve done of the wedding. They want to get sprayed orange and have a wedding in the sun with their mates.

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    But not their mates’ families?

    Can’t you go to Vegas on your own afterwards? Is that not what honeymoons are for?

    coffeeking
    Member

    Fair enough and that is perfectly understandable, but if they want the sister to be there it’s a bit off to offer to pay for only her. Sensitive subject I reckon.

    I disagree, they’re offering to pay for the wife and kids in the assumption that he’ll cover the last bit of the costs, not saying “they can come but you can’t” or “you can have a free holiday on us”.

    Personally I think, having a wedding abroad and then expecting people to visit you there without you paying is a cheek. If I have a wedding abroad I’ll pay for those I invite, though it won’t be many.

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    They should be aware of the financial situation tho.

    But I dunno. I may have my mind changed on this subject. We don’t really know the relationships and attitudes of those involved of course.

    quandryman
    Member

    My point is we can’t afford any holidays. The last break away from home was to my cousins wedding in Harrogate and my mum paid for all of us to go (including my mum).
    I’ve had to turn down several trips to Wales, mainly because I thought it would be a bit selfish that I can’t afford a family holiday, but I could find the money for a biking week in wales. It just wasn’t on or far on my OH in my view.
    I don’t think there’s an agenda to her sisters offer and the comment about brother in law being well off was not to say “he can afford it”, but just to put my finances into perspective. The nephew I doubt is even bothered about them going tbh. They’ve been dithering about having a wedding abroad for quite some time and have only recently settled on chosing Vegas.

    alfabus
    Member

    let them go, hope they have a lovely time.

    next time there is a biking trip to wales, you won’t have to feel guilty.

    you don’t have to go to the horrible las vegas wedding, they get a trip away, you get to go biking. win win win.

    Dave

    konabunny
    Member

    quandryman: I’m sorry if I sounded unsympathetic. It’s a difficult position you’re in. I’m sure it’s disappointing for you not to being going with her when a holiday of your own, all together, doesn’t seem to be forthcoming. But if your wife wants to go, don’t guilt her into not going or going but feeling bad. Take it on the chin, even if it’s crap. It doesn’t seem like you’ll be missing all that much anyway, judging by the comments on here about Vegas weddings.

    I can see your perspective about your s-i-l. But otoh, they’re doing a lot by even offering to pay for your OH. I don’t think she’s stirring or naive.

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    But if your wife wants to go, don’t guilt her into not going or going but feeling bad. Take it on the chin

    Good advice that.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    If you’re so strapped that you can’t afford a weekend in a tent on your bike, then I’d respectfully suggest that you can’t afford for her / them to go to Vegas even with flights / accommodation paid for. What are they going to eat, for a start? That’s before you even look at “hey, we’re going to a show tonight, are you coming?”

    5thElefant
    Member

    …but I could find the money for a biking week in wales

    Sound like you have a gap in the diary to go now too. Woo-hoo!

    quandryman
    Member

    Im not trying to guilt anyone, Im not going to start shouting at her and say “you can’t go, I forbid it”.
    Im sad that I won’t be able to go with my son for his first plane trip and holiday abroad. Im saddened that my OH can’t see this either. Yes Im annoyed because I will miss out. I’d actually quite like to see Vegas, but there’s also a trip to the Grand Canyon being organinsed by the BIL because he wants to take MY son to see it.
    If we went on lots of foreign holidays then it wouldn’t matter, but we don’t and it does.

    Tell them to go, be gracious about it. Take the time that they’re away to ride your bike when you like and do some stuff that you wouldn’t otherwise get the time to do. Then meet them at the airport with a big bunch of flowers and cook them a nice meal when they get home and listen to how nice/funny/weird the wedding was.

    You could come out of this looking like the worlds greatest husband and get out of going to a wedding which is always a good thing.

    quandryman
    Member

    Cougar – Member
    If you’re so strapped that you can’t afford a weekend in a tent on your bike, then I’d respectfully suggest that you can’t afford for her / them to go to Vegas even with flights / accommodation paid for. What are they going to eat, for a start? That’s before you even look at “hey, we’re going to a show tonight, are you coming?”

    Yep. Money is tight, we get by. I have just cleared all my debts and I’ve no intention of going back there again.
    **** it, let the BIL and SIL pay for it all. I’ll stay at home eating baked beans on toast cleaning my chain.

    Why not do the decent thing and offer to keep your nipper for the week or however long so your missus can have a proper holiday of it?

    quandryman
    Member

    A’la what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?

    from the first post it looks like op can’t decide what to do, so why not put it to the fates?
    take the money sister in law is offering, put it all on a horse, if it wins (at more than 2/1, obviously) = result, family holiday, if not = result family stay at home holiday.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    I have just cleared all my debts and I’ve no intention of going back there again.

    Then you’re better off than many. (And I mean that as a compliment, not a pissy comment).

    I’ll stay at home eating baked beans on toast cleaning my chain.

    There’s plenty of cheap ways of enjoying yourself. You could still use it as a holiday.

    quandryman
    Member

    lol @ BBSB
    I dunno, feel like a git, but also feel that the cat matters more than I do.

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    but also feel that the cat matters more than I do.

    we asked the children what the pecking order in our house was.

    the result was I was below the cat but, in a face saving (for me) move, I was placed above the Guinea Pig. Result!

    You’ll work something out – I’d tend to think that your s-i-l thought she was doing her sister a favour by offering to pay for her and maybe thought you wouldn;t go even if you could? She coudl have approached it a bit differently but, in the end, she’s offerign cash she doesn’t need to to help you out – they may have more than you but it doesn’t mean tey couldn;t use the money else where.

    5lab
    Member

    are you lot married or just bf/gf? That might make a difference? or maybe SIL just thought you’d be too proud to accept?

    If accom is being paid for, vegas is approx £450 return. are you able to scrimp/save/sell a bike to pay for that?

    RichPenny
    Member

    My point is we can’t afford any holidays.

    As above, can you afford for them to go as described though? If so then I think you should let them go IF they want to. It’s natural for sisters to want each other at their kids weddings. Your sister is blood, you aren’t so I wouldn’t say it’s out of order for them to pay for only your partner and child. They get a trip away and you get some free time, sounds good to me.

    Surprised at the number of people expecting their travel expenses to a wedding to be paid for! Do you rock up with a petrol receipt and a TravelLodge bill at the UK weddings you attend you tightwads 🙂 If people offer, that’s fine. Best mate got married in the Swiss Alps last year and I think they had the right attitude. It was what they wanted that was important for one of the most special times of their lives. They helped a few people out according to circumstances (including me to a small extent). It still cost more than I can afford, but was worth every penny 🙂

    Quandryman you might want to have a good look in here.

    quandryman
    Member

    Eh?
    <edit> Aaah, looked at the image properties. True.<edit>

    quandryman
    Member

    We’re not married, but have been living together for almost 10 years and a 4.5 yo child. Its not like Im some flash in the pan bloke from a one night stand!

    If accom is being paid for, vegas is approx £450 return. are you able to scrimp/save/sell a bike to pay for that?

    Not a chance in hell! Even if I could, I wouldn’t!

    nickf
    Member

    There’s plenty of cheap ways of enjoying yourself

    Rubbing baked beans on a chain doesn’t do it for me, I have to say.

    Junkyard
    Member

    cant be arsed reading whole threa this but I would treat this as you are not really part of the family so we wont pay for you.
    Saying that a las evegas wedding with a small child sounds my idea of hell so i would not be that bothered.
    If SO wants to go let her if she is as daft as want to take the child let her

    fourbanger
    Member

    Not a chance in hell! Even if I could, I wouldn’t!

    Without wishing to put too fine a point on it, you don’t want to go that much. I can imagine a situation where I wanted my brother to be there with me and as a blood relative, would feel it my duty to pay his ticket if he couldn’t afford it. However, I might draw the line at paying for my brother’s girlfriend as maybe I didn’t have that much money and at the end of the day she’s someone my brother has chosen to spend his life with, not someone I have. Reading between the lines you want to go to see vegas and visit the GC. This is someones wedding by the way.
    Chill out and spend the time out on your bike. elaine anne might have a good bike for sale for a spot of touring.

    backhander
    Member

    Personally I think, having a wedding abroad and then expecting people to visit you there without you paying is a cheek. If I have a wedding abroad I’ll pay for those I invite, though it won’t be many.

    While I admire your generosity, that’s a bit unrealistic. I’m getting married abroad soon and we only planned on very few coming. We made it very clear that we didn’t expect people to feel obliged but people find out, fancy a break somewhere nice and all of a sudden there’s 40 odd people coming which will be expensive to feed let alone transit and accommodate. We have paid for the best man, bridesmaids and a couple of the younger ones who aren’t well off (partly because they’ve never been abroad and we wanted to do it).

    quandryman
    Member

    Reading between the lines you want to go to see vegas and visit the GC. This is someones wedding by the way.

    Yes I would like to go to Vegas and the GC, which if im honest is part of why im annoyed.
    Its not a wedding its a religious sham if its held in Vegas.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Its not a wedding its a religious sham if its held in Vegas.

    I doubt there will be much religious about the proceedings. Its a temple of mammon, you know

    But here’s a thought. Have you made your strongly held feelings on the sanctimony of marriage as an institution, public? Perhaps therein may lie your lack of a paid-for invite. Just a thought

    LHS
    Member

    Alternativly.

    Sell the car, go to Vegas, put the money on red/black which ever sits well with you, hope to **** you win, get pi**ed as a fart at the wedding and tell the family EXACLY what you think of them, come back with profit and buy a new car.

    blooddonor
    Member

    You sure,your BIL not the father of your kid?

    Tell them that the flights cost twice as much as they do. Spend the profit in the casino.

    fourbanger
    Member

    I think there are deeper issues which probably shouldn’t be discussed on a bike forum unless you want several pages or sarcastic answers. Maybe talk this through with your missus.

    konabunny
    Member

    Most weddings are religious shams 😉

    Im not trying to guilt anyone

    I’m sorry, again – I wasn’t criticising you. I just meant if your wife wants to go, it might be the more valorous (?) thing to do to not mention your disappointment/misgivings.

    It’ll be a shame to miss your wean’s first plane trip, true. But OTOH, I’ve been to an overseas wedding and it wasn’t like a holiday really – it was a lot of stress and family bickering extended over a week. It doesn’t sound like you’ll be too sad to miss the wedding itself either!

    Chin up, big man! {Punches affectionately on shoulder}

    theyEye
    Member

    How about…
    Your s-i-l doesn’t feel flush with cash at all, but wants her sister at the wedding really badly, enough take that not insignificant financial hit. You’re further down the list, which is fair enough since you’re not blood, and beyond what she thinks she can reasonably afford. Perfectly reasonable.

    Wish them all a good time and MTFU.

    quandryman
    Member

    Naah, I tend to stay off the subject of religion with my family, I’d only upset them!
    BIL not my sons father, my son has hair and doen’t have a head the shape of Stewie from Family Guy.
    I will be talking about this further with my OH, just wanted to gauge whether I was being a selfish git or whether Im right to feel aggrieved. I’d say its 50/50 at the moment.
    I suppose I could wee in all her shoes whilst she’s away, it should have dried by her return!

    Personally I wouldn’t want my 4 year old Son being taken half way round the world to somewhere like Vegas so he can go to a cousin’s wedding.

    I wouldn’t want my SIL’s husband taking my son to see the grand canyon either.

    Tell her your concerned about a 4 year old in vegas and keep the nipper home and do Father / Son stuff for a week. Your son will get more out of that than seeing a big canyon and drunk americans.

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 158 total)

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