Is my sister in law stirring or naieve?

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  • Is my sister in law stirring or naieve?
  • quandryman
    Member

    If I have my son at home, how do I go out biking without social services being involved???!

    thebunk
    Member

    Doesn’t sound like you’d want to go even if you were able to?

    Completely disagree with GravitySucks. I think a four year old would get a massive kick out of seeing the bright lights of Vegas. He’s not going to get addicted to gambling and women, but he will think he’s in a crazy theme park for a week.

    Likewise the Grand Canyon. One of my strongest memories of childhood is seeing that and getting a proper sense of your place in the world.

    Let them go, take a well earned week off from work and go riding. Maybe have a chat with your SO about your feelings when they get back and you’ve had time to work it out in your head a bit more.

    fourbanger
    Member

    50/50? Really?

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    I’m still confused as to how the kid’s going to see the Grand Canyon or indeed anything other than the outside of a casino when they have no spare cash. Getting there is only half of the battle. As I said before, I’ve been in Vegas on a shoestring budget and it’s just bloody depressing.

    For the appreciation a 4 year old is going to have, you’d be better off going to Blackpool.

    quandryman
    Member

    Well im coming round to the idea of letting them get on with it. Sure I’ll miss out, on some stuff that I’d like to do, but I’ll live.
    Obviously I’ll be talking about this plenty more with the OH. I just needed to try and see both sides of the debate.
    Im not too happy that my BIL is making plans to show my son things like his first flight and the GC, that hould be my job and thats probably my biggest gripe. Obviously he’s a better man than me….. 👿
    Yes its a lovely gesture, but I don’t think its been thought through very well.

    quandryman
    Member

    Cougar – Member
    I’m still confused as to how the kid’s going to see the Grand Canyon or indeed anything other than the outside of a casino when they have no spare cash.

    Me too, but if they go, thats not my problem…..

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Plenty of other firsts left in the world.

    peterwp
    Member

    Let them go and have some cave man time! my wife and two kids have just been away as I am on contract work at the moment until September and dont know whether it will last longer than that.
    Ive been down to Afan (day trip) rode Skyline and been out twice locally as well as vegged out and watched what I want for a change.
    Be generous and cool about it and she will love you more!

    fourbanger
    Member

    You’re starting to come off as a selfish starfish with chip on your shoulder. Is this a troll? What’s with all the troll threads after that best troll thread?

    FoxyChick
    Member

    Your son will be starting full-time school in September so your OH will be able to get a job. Sorted…you can all go.

    quandryman
    Member

    Why am I selfish starfish fourbanger? Becuase I want to go and I can’t afford to? Because another man wants to take MY son and show him some wonderful stuff and I cant?
    The closest biking analogy I can think of is someone offers to pay for your bike and all your kit to be flown to Whistler, but you can’t afford your own flight, so they get ride your bike and kit instead. (The riding bit has no parallels to sexual activity)
    Its not a troll I can assure you.

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    Is this a troll? What’s with all the troll threads after that best troll thread?

    What, a troll? After Zoofighters “whats the best troll” thread? From someone who only registered this morning? called “Quandryman”?. No “Hello I’m a newb” Just straight in with the unravelling of his family life.

    Can’t possibly be, I can’t and won’t believe it 🙂

    (The riding bit has no parallels to sexual activity)

    You don’t have to go to Whister for that

    rainbow
    Member

    Seriously, I think you should let your OH go and let her enjoy the family wedding but keep your son at home with you and spend some good father/son bond time with him doing things, you can live without biking until your OH get back home. If your OH didnt enjoy Vegas and spending time apart with son then the chances wont happen again if the situation came up again in future.

    What wrong having son with you and let OH go to the wedding, surely you can live with OH for a few days??

    Please dont get into a sulk and be a drama queen over this until they give in your wishes, would you want your OH be angry and bitter with you? she will always throw that back into your face next time when you guys have a tiff in future.

    fourbanger
    Member

    Dude, if you’re not trolling and you seriously have to ask why you’re being selfish, then you have some serious issues. I really hope this is a troll for the sake of your son (The missus will be ok, I heard her BIL is a decent chap).

    Premier Icon Dickyboy
    Subscriber

    I would & have been very happy for my kids to have a great time even if I miss out on the event myself.
    Edit – just fed a troll sorry 👿

    The closest biking analogy I can think of is someone offers to pay for your bike and all your kit to be flown to Whistler, but you can’t afford your own flight, so they get ride your bike and kit instead. (The riding bit has no parallels to sexual activity)

    Why a biking analogy?

    How about, you’re all so broke you cannot afford to go out on the lash. A friend turns up and says “look here quandryman, I’m taking you out on the piss followed up by a kebab, my treat” Do you call him a mean bastard for not inviting your missus long?

    edit: On second thoughts, i can see why you have concerns, given your attitude shown here, you may well be worried about your missus never coming back

    New advice – Never let her out of your sight!

    quandryman
    Member

    I’ve been here for ages, but I dont want to be identified.
    It is not a troll fourbanger unlike your last post ^^^
    I’ve already said that yes I am being a bit selfish, but I’ve already said im not going to ban them from going! I just feel hurt that my OH thinks its ok to go and leave me here. If it had been reversed I would have thanked them, but politely declined.

    quandryman
    Member

    How about, you’re all so broke you cannot afford to go out on the lash. A friend turns up and says “look here quandryman, I’m taking you out on the piss followed up by a kebab, my treat” Do you call him a mean bastard for not inviting your missus long?

    Do you take your whole family out with you for a mates night out then?
    A trip to Vegas is in a slightly bigger league!

    A trip to Vegas is in a slightly bigger league!

    Which makes it an even greater kindness and generosity on their part. Yet you would prefer if your missus didn’t go and stayed at home with you?

    Premier Icon mactheknife
    Subscriber

    Mate i have just had the house to myself for 2 whole glorious goddamn fantastic weeks.

    The good lady has been cat-sitting 🙄 and the boy has been with her.

    Now fair point on the BIL doing a few firsts with your son and yes that will rankle but you really have to grow a pair here. The boy has his whole life to have many firsts with you. Or as stated a few times keep him at home and spend a cracking week with him,you can either let it eat you up or grow a pair and get on with it.

    Sometimes life (or family) throw a sh!t sandwich in your direction, its how you deal with it that counts!

    Sometimes life (or family) throw a sh!t sandwich in your direction

    Sh!t sandwich? I wish someone would pay for half my family to go on holiday!

    I’m gonna stop here, but i really really can’t see WTF you are complaining about. Someone has offered your wife and kid a great opportunity and because you don’t get some you want to deprive them of it?? Jeez, that is about as selfish as it gets.

    quandryman
    Member

    I agree, thats why im asking on here, rather than going all ballistic at my OH / her family.
    Sometime you just need a bit of perspective thats all.

    quandryman
    Member

    Charlie, where have I said im going to deprive them of going? Nowhere! Tell you what, I’ll just bury all my feelings deep down and next time she burns my toast, I’ll stab her with the butterknife.

    It might be a Ryan Giggs style ploy to get your missus on her own. 8)

    Charlie, where have I said im going to deprive them of going

    Not directly, but you don’t want her to go, or you want her to not want to go. I’m not saying you are going to deprive them, but that you want to. Because the alternative is that you would want them to go, and so would be happy if they chose to, and that is clearly not the case.

    quandryman
    Member

    **** it can be arsed justifying myself to trolls.

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    **** it can be arsed justifying myself to trolls.

    funny that you mentioned trolling just now, I was thinking somebody was doing a bit of trolling here

    emma82
    Member

    See I would interpret their offer as they know you are the breadwinner so might be able to cover the cost of the flight and they will cover the cost of the one who doesn’t work and the kid who, lets be honest, is a pretty useless edition to the wedding party as he wont give a flying pootle what’s going on. However that said, if it happened to me then I would probably feel a little as you do so understand where you are coming from.

    If it is the nephew’s wedding and he isn’t bothered and your OH isn’t bothered about going I would just suggest a polite ‘thank you but we wont be able to come, money is tight, it will be too much of a flight for the little one but hope you have an amazing time’. Don’t lose sleep over it, weddings genuinely bring out the worst in people and it’ll soon be forgotten.

    Midnighthour
    Member

    “Because another man wants to take MY son and show him some wonderful stuff and I cant?”
    My child is a possession. Its more important for me to get what I want than for my child to have a good time. I prefer to sulk rather than be glad of a one off opportunity for my partner to support her sister at a family event.


    “If I have my son at home, how do I go out biking without social services being involved???! “

    I will sulk if they go, but I wont give up anything to have quality ‘Dad time’ with my kid, in fact it never even occurred to me to offer to baby sit my son just so I could have extra time with him while at the same time showing gracious support to my partner.

    I think before long you are going to be posting on here ‘my partner has left me. She says I am controlling, resentful, sulky and selfish – I cant understand why she thinks that’.

    I think you need to look at your inferiority complex and that’s not a dig, you really do need to look at how you view yourself and how the image you are giving out appears to others, even if it only looks so bad because you feel vulnerable and express that in ways that are not flattering to you.

    People value care, love, consideration, support and loyalty far more than they value the income of their partner. You may already be supplying these and its unfortunately just not showing here very well in your writing style, but be wary of withdrawing them in an inferiority complex sulk as you might end up with little left to trade with.

    You could give your child a far far better event than the grand canyon could ever be (what 4 year old cares about a vast hole in the ground?), so make the most of this chance for you and the child – its golden!

    thegreatape
    Member

    My mother in law recently booked flights and a hotel for her to take my wife and kids to Portugal to see my sister in law. Not me though as at that time I couldn’t get the time off work to go with them.

    So a slightly different situation, but I also felt quite sad about missing out on my wee boys first go in an aeroplane, so I can sympathise with the OP in that respect. But at no point did I not want them to go.

    Premier Icon Rusty Spanner
    Subscriber

    Stay at home, eat junk, be happy.
    Vegas is vile – you’d hate it anyway.

    Can I ask why you are hiding behind a pseudonym to post this?

    stevemtb
    Member

    Woah, this took a very sudden turn on the OP and escalated as soon as the admission of a fake user ID came out….

    As others have said get on with the week to yourself and see just how much you can enjoy it. Image spending a whole day biking with no time limits, coming home, eating exactly what you want and having as many beers as you fancy. Now mutliply that by 6 (leaving a day to tidy up!!).

    As much as you want to do these things with your son it doesn’t sound like he’ll have the chance to see the GC or fly to the States in a good few years. It’ll hurt to hear him talk about how good it was but I’ll bet you’ll also be happy for him.

    And 50/50?? What thread were you reading? A few people said they understood where you were coming from but could see both sides! 90/10 at best….

    I can sympathise with this, but you need to raise it with your OH. She is giving out the message that her priorities are different to yours.

    Similar thing happened to us a good few years ago (although no kids to complicate things)… Big overblown gesture by BIL to take family to States to see another family member (missing out me and OH). OH desparately wanted to go, but we couldnt afford it at the time (1st rung on ladder, saving to buy house etc). I said she could go (using our savings) but ‘I can’t promise I’ll be around when you get back’. Thankfully she chose me and the life we were building together.

    We now have the house, cars and disposible income to be able to enjoy things together… Whilst overblown gesture boy is in a world of debt.

    bigyinn
    Member

    Sorry about the fake ID, heads all over the place. Its been banned now anyway.
    Im just rather hurt that my OHs sister chose to exclude me. This sort of event shoud be for all my famuly, not part of it.
    Hey ho, time to make some riding plans.
    Thanks for everyones input. Its all been useful in clearing my head out.

    I loved dad-time with my kids at that age – so partner to go – kid to stay with you.

    bigyinn
    Member

    They’re paying for both. Why would she want to keep him with me when they can visit america? 🙁

    errr… because he is 4 and you get to influence what he does. He isn’t just something cute to appear in their photos. His needs for fun really need to be taken into account. If there are other kids his age or a plan for him – fine. If not – why subject him to it?

    bigyinn
    Member

    Good point, thanks for that, hadnt considered that no other kids going….

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