Is it selfish to have only one child?

Home Forum Chat Forum Is it selfish to have only one child?

Viewing 30 posts - 1 through 30 (of 30 total)
  • Is it selfish to have only one child?
  • wors
    Member

    We have decided to only have one, people tell me we are selfish as he won’t have any brothers/sisters to play(fight) with.

    aP
    Member

    I haven’t any intention to have any.

    jojoA1
    Member

    I see no harm in having only one child. There should be ample opportunity for them to socialise at playgroups, nursery and school and also, presumably you have friends and family also with children. To be honest, it could be construed as more selfish to choose not to have any.

    mrsflash
    Member

    Personally, I wouldn’t want only one, as having had and lost a sibling, I really miss having that sibling relationship. However, also know people who don’t get on with their siblings at all. Every family is different. Nothing wrong with having one IMO. Other people do like sticking their noses in though, so I’m sure the comments won’t stop!

    ridethelakes
    Member

    I’m in the same boat here, parents think its not fair on the child. I totally disagree though and think my Mum just wants more grandkids!

    There’s benefits to being an only child as well. I have a brother and when we were young we never needed to socialise as we would just fight eachother so consequently that makes making new friends an unfamiliar process and can hit confidence.

    I think brothers or sisters can be hugely competitive without even realising it as well which can be very destructive. There’s lots of successful people as examples whose brothers / sisters are drug addicts or alcoholics (Gordon Ramsay, Jackie Stewart) and I have a theory that they measure themselves against their siblings which makes them feel a failure.

    Last point, watch supernanny, you never see only children being the kids from hell!

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    Depends. I reckon mini-aracer #1 wouldn’t suffer at all as an only child given he goes to nursery, there are 6 other kids within a couple of years of him living within a few doors, including next door who has kids a year either side of him who he plays with all the time (and go to the same nursery). Also has 4 cousins who he sees regularly. With a much smaller social circle it might be more of an issue.

    coffeeking
    Member

    To be honest, it could be construed as more selfish to choose not to have any.

    Surely not, to be selfish you’d have to be disadvantaging someone else, who in this case wouldnt exist.

    I know many people, some of them are only children. Some of them are abnormal. I see no trends, so I conclude no, not selfish.

    Gary_M
    Member

    Its not selfish at all. We only have one kid and he’s a very happy, sociable child. Meeting new people is never a problem for him, when we’re on holiday he always makes friends really easily. My wife and I are always amazed at how he does this – neither of us would ever have done this as kids because we both had siblings to rely on.

    He’s got lots of friends at home, lots of friends at school and always seems to be the kid that others gather round at scouts, football, etc. I think it will make him a strong, independant person.

    Premier Icon postierich
    Subscriber

    I,m pretty keen on having another but GOD does not seem to be playing ball.The last year has has lots of ups and downs and we continue to try, but have now got my head around that it might not be and Immy might not have a brother or sister. ๐Ÿ™

    Gary_M
    Member

    The last year has has lots of ups and downs No fault in your technique then ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Marmoset
    Member

    I don’t think so. Me and my missus think along the line sof not being able to give enough attention to 2 kids, quite happy with 1.

    Premier Icon postierich
    Subscriber

    Very good Gary, but I did not really want to mention the miscarriges.

    Damn I just did ๐Ÿ˜•

    jackthedog
    Member

    Depends what the future holds for the child I suppose. I like being an only child, always have done. Never craved a sibling at any point in my life.

    However looking at things practically, as my parents split years ago I’ll likely be called upon to care for the both of them seperately in their old age, with nobody to help.

    I think that when that time comes, I’ll wish for a sibling.

    nukeproof
    Member

    How do you/wife/partner feel about having another one? Do you think its selfish at all? Does it bother you? What does your son think? It doesn’t matter what others think but if you have your doubts its better to resolve them now as fertility doesn’t last forever and the age gap between your current and potential is increasing all the time.

    Gary_M
    Member

    Yeh jackthedog thats the only part that concerns me. When my dad died it was good to have someone to share the responsibility of all the arrangements and everything else with and to have someone else who knew how I felt. But I’ve always thought that having an older sister held me back when I was young. My parents gave her lots of things that I didn’t get because they couldn’t afford it.

    mudshark
    Member

    My parents are only children and neither liked that so they were keen to have more than 1 – ended up with 4 of us…. Whilst an only child will have access to other kids there will be times when they are on there own so either get lonely or need input from a parent – or get stuck in front of the TV?! Money is an issue for most of us so might be considered wrong to have too many if it’ll be a struggle.

    Those that don’t want any are they selfish? Well, depends on how you look at it, in a sense they are in that they want don’t want to look after kids and spoil(?) their own lives but if you’re not the right sort of person to have kids then would be wrong to have them. I am unsure about compromising my life (less cycling?!) but having kids would add other elements and I’m pretty keen overall. I think I’m too worried about not being a good Dad and struggling to deal with the way kids so often seem to be these days. I don’t like the idea of both parents working but it seems to be hard to finance a family these days without two incomes. We’ll see.

    mrsflash
    Member

    However looking at things practically, as my parents split years ago I’ll likely be called upon to care for the both of them seperately in their old age, with nobody to help.

    That is a good point. My dad is currently very fit and active, but also, at nearly 75 not getting any younger. I do worry that when he does get older I don’t have siblings to share that with.

    Postierich, very sorry to hear that.

    soobalias
    Member

    its significantly less selfish than having 4

    Junkyard
    Member

    only one of your offspring in the world is a GOOD thing the world thanks you ๐Ÿ˜†

    richc
    Member

    My mum was an only child, and was determined that her children wouldn’t have to grow up like that. So there are 5 of us.

    As for the socializing, I don’t know about you but once I went to school I played with my friends not my brothers and sisters.

    My Brother only has 1 child now, and his speech is a long way behind his my brothers friends kids who have brothers and sisters.

    Premier Icon Trailrider Jim
    Subscriber

    I second Junkyard. The world is bursting at the seams with people. I think your offspring will thank you in a couple of decades’ time too.

    scu98rkr
    Member

    Im an only child I definitely wanted brothers and sisters when I was younger.

    I would nt have have just the one kid myself.

    I think its difficult to say what the best course of action is. The thing is you need to know what the children are like and thats difficult before they are born !

    My family generally had large family’s one uncle had 6 kids one 4 kids. My dad died a couple of months before I was born so thats the reason I didnt have any brothers and sister. I think my social development around my friends(not adults) might have been slowed but thats just because of who I am a more out going person might be fine.

    I can see its very easy to say they’ve got loads of friends but I think some of the intricacies of getting on with people can only be learned by living with them and if you spend your childhood living with adults you can miss out on learning some things.

    scu98rkr
    Member

    Actually after a bit of thinking Im remembering the feelings I had as a child a bit better.

    My answer is if you think you can devote enough love/time/effort to more than one child (plus you not putting your self in too much financial difficulties) then yes you are being selfish.

    Premier Icon BoardinBob
    Subscriber

    The wife and I decided we never wanted to have children. You should hear the amount of abuse we get for that off friends and relatives. ๐Ÿ™„

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    My Brother only has 1 child now, and his speech is a long way behind his my brothers friends kids who have brothers and sisters.

    Cause / effect? How was the speech of friends’ older kids before second one was born? My 3 year old nephew has far worse speech than his older sister did at the same age.

    samuri
    Member

    Ronald Kray had a brother and he turned out to be a gay murderer.

    andym
    Member

    LOL @ samuri.

    acjim
    Member

    I’m the same as Mrsflash and having had and lost a sister I couldn’t have only had one child (unless that was all that was possible of course). In the end it’s you choice but brothers and sisters represent a completely different part of life to parents and friends.

    mrsflash
    Member

    It’s different for every family, there’s not wrong or right, and for everyone who says being an only child works for them you’ll get another who hated it, I certainly know both.

    All I know is that I absolutely worshipped my brother and so if we do have children I would hope that would be recreated. knowing my luck we’d end up with siblings who couldn’t bear the sight of each other though lol.

    If you are happy with one and your child is happy then it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks, it’s not their decision.

    jojoA1
    Member

    My point about it possibly being selfish not to have any children (assuming you were able to) was about the theory that the declining birthrate is affecting demographics and the economy detrimentally.

    Not my opinion, just mentioning a theory, before anyone gets on their high horse.

Viewing 30 posts - 1 through 30 (of 30 total)

The topic ‘Is it selfish to have only one child?’ is closed to new replies.