Wood burner – yes
Audi – yes, but thinking of a move to Volvo…it comes with a smoking jacket and slippers.
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – yes
Coffee fanatic – yes
Orange Five – not any more
Dog – my kids behave like animals, does that count?
Works in IT – what does IT stand for?
Can’t use Google – didnt know there was a right and wrong way to search for stuff.
Is indecisive about tyres etc – no, same make / model of tyers used for 4 years.
Fancy razor – yes, is there anything better than a Merkur slant bar safety razor?
HT – yes
29er – yes
Fat – ish
Commute – SS road bike.

…and here was me happily thinking I was just being me and sod the rest of the world.

Is there no stipulation that you need to be the wrong side of what is medically considered a healthy BMI?

I suspect most on here are either way over or way under.

woodburner – tick
van – tick
singlespeed rigid ti- tick
coffee – tick

audi – nein
dog – nein
knifes-nein
work in IT – nein

Organic Merino Packin
Wood Smokin
Beard Worshippin
Single Speeder

I need to update the rules, they’re getting a bit dated now.

Audi – No (White BMW)
Works in IT – no – Systems Engineering – Defence Industry
Woodburner – No – combi-boiler
own an on-one – no – 2 x Boardmans
posh chefs knives – Yes
Not very good on a bike and a bit fat – yes
posh razor – yes

sprocket jockey – im not sure that you smoking wood is a good idea ?

Don’t drive (but the wife has a 53 reg Scenic)
On/off beard/stubble
Aspire to a wood burner
Coffee from a cafetiere or stovetop
Had a sling, but mainly used a pushchair
Don’t earn enough to be losing child benefit
Two dogs
Two kids
Five chickens
Public sector
Aldi-shopper
GShock watch
Cheap knife
Skinny
Bike commuter
Singlespeed MTB
Fixietwat monstercross
Cargo bike
Long rides, which sometimes include a trail centre, but not very often
Whatever tyres are on offer

bikes van and knife check..

im not sure that you smoking wood is a good idea

Is this the ‘does it burn after sex’ gag?

Wood burner (no – real fireplace)
Audi (yes 2 great cars)
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc (yes, also have a timex ironman and a forerunner 305)
Coffee fanatic (yes, little foil pods of loveliness)
Orange Five (no, but theres nothing wrong with them)
Works in IT (yup, many, many years, its put a good roof over the family’s head)
Can’t use Google (see above)
Is indecisive about tyres etc (no)
Ti hardtail owner? (want)
29er owner? (would like to try it)
Like trailcentres? (yes)
full sus? (yup)
carbon HT (yup)
Cares about internet forums people perception based on stuff ive bought – (nope)

no audi
no woodburner
no ss
no 29er
no niche bikes or brands
no orange 5
no grand+ watch
no dog
no sprogs
no fancy kitchen knives
don’t visit trail centres
don’t read the guardian
don’t commute by bike
don’t know why i’m here 😉

Baby sling – yup.
Wood burner – building one
Coffee – repairing my bean-to-cup
Ti singlespeed On-one commuter – yup

No wood burner
No shed, garage or workshop
No Audi for last 10 years
Don’t work in IT, but kind of have
Like coffee, but prefer it in a pot
Ride a 29er – yay, I’m 6’4″
Not a huge fan of singlespeed
Have owned an On-One and a Ragley (both briefly) but never slung a leg over an Orange
Read the Guardian
I like bikes, a lot, but only own one MTB, a cross bike/commuter and a road bike (see point 2)

So, I guess I’m a middling STWer. No aspirations to be a big hitter, but enjoy a daily fill of STW’s unique mix of bollox, biggotry, wisdom – and bikes.

Could also add:
Isla bike for the sprog (might be s**t and overpriced but they do keep their value)
Les Arcs for the alpine holiday (never been anywhere else but can absolutely guarantee that it has the best riding in the alps)

I think that just posting in this topic regardless of whether the answers are yays or nays to the various categories qualifies you as STW.

On that note I’m actually going riding..

*straps Carbon Nomad to top of Volvo T5*

Wood burner – No, but open fire
Audi – Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc – Yes
Coffee fanatic – No, but I do like it
Orange Five – No, but Specialized which is as bad
Works in IT – Yes but not a techie. It’s all an accident as I work in business change
Can’t use Google – Yes
Is indecisive about tyres etc – No, Rubber Queens all the way!
About to run out of Mach 3 blades and post a “what razor” thread – Nope, use a beard trimmer and have stubble
Isla Bikes for sprogs – yep
Have dog? No but have done and have a cat
29’er? Yes and its a singlespeed, also road bike and retro Kona
Trail centres? Yes, but prefer natural stuff
Pedant? Yes
Easily offended? For sure

I think we can add a few more to the usual list of Audi, Orange 5…

sling not a pushchair,
shop at farmers markets,
sex every other night

One out of five aint bad… 😆

If everyone on here chopped in their Rolex/Omega/Breitling and their Fives, we could pay off the national debt! 😉

Surely there’s gotta be an minimum age too?

I think the minimum age can be taken as read through the general level of cantankerousness

Mrs Toast – Member
I think we can add a few more to the usual list of Audi, Orange 5…
sling not a pushchair,
shop at farmers markets,
sex every other night

One out of five aint bad…

Yeah, they’re great for fresh veg aren’t they? 🙂

I don’t RLJ, and don’t sulk when a landowner exerts their right to stop MTBers using their land.

So no, I’m not at all “STW”.

I post more in the classifieds than anywhere else
I have a VW and a Mercedes (does that count?)..
I live on a farm and use the farmers market
I have a Tag heuer watch
I have an opinion on everything and I am always right
I have become a Nicolai Fanboy
I mince on my Nicolai but I can talk like a good rider
I ride a Full suss singlespeed with long travel forks.. WTF?
I like trail centres and 29ers
I like Rohloff Gearboxes
I think Droppers are a must
I happily use paypal gift
I am middle aged
I am slightly obsessed by bikes

I fit in just fine!

Ride a Five
Ride a singlespeed
Live in Calderdale
Have been to the Alps on my summer hols with a bike
Have two woodburning stoves & associated log store/pile
Own a coffee machine (never use it – prefer tea, mashed for a couple of minutes in a mug)
Ride trail centres often’ish
Wife and child thinks its perfectly normal to walk into a room and find a bike there
Read the Guardian
Work in IT
Drive a VAG estate car
I have 780mm bars, a dropper seatpost and a 1×9 setup

But I think my main failing is that I quite like Superstar components and I hate cross bikes.

Does the use of a Nespresso instead of a ‘proper’ coffee machine’ cancel out one of the other categories?

I have a Skoda Octavia and a van – is it just me or is that a bit more STW than an Audi these days?

Wood burner – 2 of them
Fat bike
29er
Fixie
Miles cheaper in the long run expensive razor
Overweight

A job that involves geting grubby isn’t very STW though so I fail badly there.

I’ve used a safety razor…

…on my legs.

(But I hate coffee.)

No Audi.
Never owned an Orange. Owned an On One (frame) for about a week.
Can’t grow a beard. (despite being 35)
No wood burner – proper open fire in our house.

But, the missus carries the bairn in a sling when we’re up a mountain.
And we must have had sex at some point.
But I haven’t a clue where she does the shopping.

I do have a ti hardtail, presently built as rigid 69er, also have niche-tastic belt-drive full sus SS. And a retro Kona.
And I’ve got into road-biking recently, getting a custom steel, disc-braked road bike in the near future…

Five, Aeropress (Gaggia on ebay), IT, two kids, Audi (nicked – Mazda6 estate now), wood burner (was already in the house).

Wunundredandeighteeee!

Also Yorkshire, been riding mountain bikes since they were called ATBs, and can navigate/read a map like Captain Cook, and still haven’t been arsed to swap bike tyres this winter.

So I’m struggling to finish on a double.

Has whisky collection
Calls road cycling ‘Darkside’
Owns an Opinel knife.
Is a ‘Cav’aholic or ‘Wiggo’maniac and assumes every foreign rider is on drugs.

Ancient Audi
Oldish Orange 5
Very old road bike
Brompton ( Gets more use than everything else put together)
Nespresso machine
Kids
Currently bearded
No wood burner – but I’d like one
Don’t live in obscure village oop North
Don’t work in IT
Work in London
Have never voted Labour
My watch cost £32 on eBay.

Don’t have an Orange 5
Don’t drive an Audi
Don’t have a wood burner
Don’t have a wood pile
Don’t have a coffee machine
Don’t have an expensive razor
Don’t have a singlspeed/29er/fatbike
Don’t have an expensive watch
Don’t have a massive luxury shed
Don’t ride cheeky trails
Don’t shop at farmers markets
Not easily offended
Positive about the Olympics

Not at all STW

I’m obviously on completely the wrong forum …

Old 26 HT but craving new 29 FS XC – complete 29 convert from demos
Don’t understand craving for SS, but willing to try/be convinced
Occassional non-helmet wearer but never RLJer
Not against Lycra on Mtb (roadie and triathlete) but hate logo-infested kit *
Ignorant about tires/most bike mechanics – hence too stupid to understand or use On-one/planet X websites *
(* But bizarrely give free PX advertising via tri kit!)
Would be fleeced if ever ventured on to Classified – isn’t that the Wild West? (ditto fleabay)
Rarely ride TCs but enjoy them for a change
Give way/respect other trail users esp walkers, dogs and horses!
Not interested in cars – silly, heavy depreciating assets so practicality rules
Never heard of Calderdale
Prefer not to park at Walking Bottom
Hate dress down, suits have evolved for good reason (obviously not in IT then!)
Don’t understand retro razor trend, they have also evolved for good reason (but quite like badger brush)
Flatcoat and golden retrievers
Filter coffee with hot milk – dont understand/use coffee shop menus!
Open wood fires
3 papers daily, all online
Loved Loughrigg before MTBs were invented and expect ashes to be scattered there

I’m a not so environmentally conscious, racist, misogynistic, bigot – with a badly behaved dog. So, I’d say I’m what the typical STW’er pretends not to be 😉

A lot of hipsters on this thread.

I’m not too cool to have an Audi or an Orange. It’s more I can’t bloody afford them.

Have a 53 plate Audi – and a Volvo!!
– but have a Sekonda watch

Love strong coffee, have a Nespresso.
– but drink weak pissy southern tea.

Have 3 carbon bikes – FS, HT, and road
– but they are all from O-One

Dont have a wood burner
– Have an open fire, and 3 log sheds

Have a bike workshop
– but gave up my double garage to the kids playroom.

Mainly ride local trails
– but like an Alps trip

Am I STW or not??

If you’re on here, you are STW, you just haven’t realised all those pent up “needs”, yet.

I like to hang around on the Internet talking shit to anyone who’ll listen.

I think you’ll find my STW credentials pass just fine.

Yes points:
Own more than two bikes (one being an On-One)
Had previously owned a singlespeed and still miss it
The commutahackbike is 1×8.
Oh, and if memory serves, I’m also almost nearly exactly the average age.

No points:
No Audi/Skoda/bike van/kit car (don’t own a car)
No Orange 5 (never owned or even used a FS, 29er or 650b. In fact never owned a bike that cost more than £400 NEW (and newest bike is 3 years old))
No sex
Hence no kids, slings or pushchairs
No dog
No beard but also no expensive razor
No posh watch
Don’t drink coffee
Don’t own a woodburner
Don’t swap tyres unless they’re worn through
And I don’t work in IT.

So more no’s than yes’s, but I do still feel at home here.

Has Audi
Has stubble
Has bespoke Carbon Roadie
Has hair
Has Urban Hybrid Prius
Hasn’t read a newspaper in 12 years
Has iPad
Has selection of watches
Has turned up slim fit jeans
Has brogues
Has DJ’s (Deephouse) as mates
Has blingo singlespeed
Has tired legs from riding
Has kitesurfing kit
Has been a member of HISC for 20years
Has a pad in Larndarn
Has a pad on the Sarf Carst
Has been known to bust a lung cycling
Has respect for all those on here that ride bikes regardless of their online persona.