I haven’t read all posts. We have one daughter, mum was 41 when born, all straight forward no issues.

Whether to have a second goes back into the  decision making process on having any kids at all.

I enjoyed my freedoms in 20 & 30s and wasnt fussed about having kids, until I was. But I still enjoyed freedom, that’s not a dilemma unique to me. In my head, having one kid would be manageable and still allow plenty of freedom (easier to manage by one parent at a time).

Parenting a young kid is tough. During the first two years, to make the decision to have a second demands either the certainty you want one to get on with it, or an accidental sexual encounter. We had neither, and by the time we thought a second would be nice age wasn’t on our side so we didn’t try for risk of complications.

But we would definitely have a second had we the chance. It might have removed a level of freedom for longer, but my daughter would be a great sister and it’s something she would love. She is well loved and gets out attention, but she’s desperate to give someone (or thing) here own love and attention.

It does break my heart a bit. She has a lot of cousins (20 at last count) but she’s in the youngest age group and her peers live abroad. She seems lonely sometimes but also her personality isn’t outgoing to make friends (fine when she’s made friends).

I might be making it sound worse than it is. I have an associated guilt which maybe isn’t justified. There’s no right or wrong decision. Go with your gut.

Dad to 3, grandad to 3.
There is no right or wrong answer.
A medical concern is a serious consideration.
My US daughter-in-law had a very difficult and life threatening first labour – to the extent my son was required to sign a document in hospital (in US) nominating which of wife or baby should be saved if that was the only decision.
After that they chose to have another which was also a difficult labour but not as bad as the first.
I think – and hope – that’s them done.

Also haven’t read the whole thread. Just putting in another situation, even though it probably doesn’t help the OP much:

Last week our fifth was born… and the first girl! Quite possibly the last (of either).
Oldest is 8 1/2.

Sometimes think we must be mad and sure it’s hard work sometimes (not to mention bloody expensive), but they’re all amazing and I wouldn’t change anything. Well, I could do with more some time to ride bikes. Plus I think I’ve slept about 3 hours over the last 9 years.

Round these parts though 5 is a normal to small family so there’s lots of local support.

In some ways having more than 1 makes it easier, you know what you are doing, they keep each other occupied, clothes get handed down,

Medical conditions and mental health obviously complicate the issue and there are so many variables there I am not going to try and comment, except for taking slight exception to this post:

TBH if your wife isn’t keen, the conversation really ends there.

Depends on “isn’t keen”, really.
“Absolutely don’t want”: fair enough.
“I’m not sure, leaning against it though”: there’s room for open discussion.
But 100% the final decision lies with her.
Quite possibly this is exactly what OP said on page 1 in different words though!

I thought that the trick is to have a kid, then wait about 8 years to have a load more kids.
Then the eldest kid gets lumbered with all the childcare duties.
Simples.

Exactly what happened to my wife as the eldest. She’s not too chuffed with having been the childcare help!

Which is another point actually – the bigger the age gap the less they will play together and have the same interests. I am the eldest of 3, all about 3 years apart, probably about the limit before you end up with separate kids instead of a bunch of kids, if you see what I mean.

Apologies for rambling on a bit there…

Have 3 19, 14 and 12. Do you want to borrow the 12 or 14 year old for a few years to see if you like it.

Joking aside I thought 3 would be a nightmare but the age gap between 1 and 2 & 3 made life a bit easier.

I’m one of two but me and my sister really didn’t get along until we got into adulthood. Even now I only really see her at Christmas or around parents birthdays when we both visit. We don’t dislike each other but we’re quite different people.

Also when I was a kid my best mate in junior school was a single child. He got loads more stuff than me and didn’t have to share anything. So if you asked 7 year old me I’d definitely say go for a single child.

We have three kids.

IME child no 1 is the most impactful in that you have to completely refactor your life in order to stop being a couple and start being parents. It’s a massive step change which touches every area of your life.

More kids thereafter are kind of just more of the same, but weirdly a lot more extra work than the unit addition might suggest. You find yourself looking back on the days of N-1 with a wry self-depreciating chuckle at the notion that you used to consider *that* hard work! My word, how little you knew, etc! So far as I’m aware that phenomenon continues until you stop having children.

I deeply hate the notion that there is a single child issue. there isnt. i can only guess its something made up to make them happier that their parents left them to go feral……

Its all about how the child is raised and i wouldn’t let people suggesting that your child will be less happy / somehow disadvantaged by not having a sibling should sway you at all from your feelings and those of your partner.

to the extent my son was required to sign a document in hospital (in US) nominating which of wife or baby should be saved if that was the only decision.

Wow!

Anyone saying there’s a single child ‘issue’ that’s solved by having a sibling needs to see some of the toxic sibling relationships out there!

As always, we’re all different, both parents, children and any potential siblings. There’s no ‘answer’, there’s only your decision. And sometimes that is not even a decision to make.