i do 50:50 split exactly down the middle over a fortnight – with every other full weekend at either parent

i agree – the mother is relinquishing her parenting duties

kids need both parents – arguably at OP childrens age more their mother.

its really hard to change / convince someone who’s selfish to change their ways

mediation or a strongly worded legal letter is best

good luck

Just exploring all avenues here but as mum has monday and tuesday as her ‘slack’ days maybe she sees herself as giving over 100% of her ‘weekends’ and thinks you should reciprocate – not saying she’s right but that may be her slant on it?

She is remarried to a guy.

So the two parent household won’t agree to look after the kids 50% of the time and expects the single parent (assuming OP is single) to do them all. Seems grossly unfair. Wanting to have a weekend away from your kids now and then is not unreasonable or bad parenting.

^^. Plus it’s the resentment caused by feeling you’re always on the receiving end of someone else’s decision. Get mediation or put your foot down.

so in my mind.. it’s like this
We’ve grown a massive amount of empty feeling and resentment for each other, but of course at the same time we still have a small amount of love for each other out of a mutual respect, our boys and the people that we used to be many years ago..
but that love is like a tiny dot in the emptyness, like a spot in a yin-yang..

most of the time we can use that tiny dot when we think of each other or speak to each other but when conflict arises it get’s overwhelmed
I still don’t know if mediation will settle our dispute

But I’m sorry for being a shit about it

But I’m sorry for, quite reasonably, complaining that my ex is being a shit about it

FTFY. Hope it works out.

I need to get to a point where there is no negotiation, where the times and days are set in stone, because negotiating with her is impossible..

Be careful what you wish for, a Pal had a 15 minute ‘window’ on picking his up…

I’d be more looking to ‘book’ weekends where they would have the kids.

Can you agree with the proviso that any weekends you want off will mean she has to pay for childcare? Not great, but it’s a start.

Sounds like you are being used a bit here. I don’t think you are being unreasonable in wanting the odd weekend off at all, but at the same time you can’t be a doormat.

I’m also sticking up for 5thElefant. I think what was meant was you’d have the kids 7 days a week if you’d not split up, so how would that be dealt with. Not a judgement of what happened to your marriage/relationship!

Good luck. I hope it works out well for you.