[Closed] Calling all people living on their own

Yes.

1. Stick radio on, cook yourself a good meal.
2. Go to gym in evening (post 7pm) - quiet and pleasant place. Have a swim if you can.
3. Watch family guy 😀

Seriously, do stuff is the clue. It's a great time for cycling in the evening, sadly injury (by being a tit at the gym) means I can't at the moment, but this time of year is prime; it's winter when the booze calls me.

Walk out. Buy a cheap camera (or an expensive one).

Get outside, go to bed late. My advice 🙂

Get a routine, exercise an hour or two before bed.

Agree with some of the above. I run or bike in the evenings, and have no caffeinated (sp?) drinks. I've discovered a rates for red bush tea!

Going to bed later doesn't help, but going earlier and reading helps me.

Also agree with the 'no alcohol' thing - slippery slope if you start relying on it...

STW 🙂

Its one of the main reasons i ride bikes to help switch off. I find watching TV in bed helps as well.

I dont technically live on my own but I am and have been a single parent so am quite often alone in the evenings. I find the crucial thing is to go to sleep when I first get tired, if I go through that I get into a a bit of a busy midset and will end up staying awake and being knackered when I drag myself out of bed.

Wouldnt rely on alcohol to help, it does help you fall asleep but I always seem to be wide awake wheb it wears off - usually in the small hours

I usually go for a ride after work, but when I get home it's business as usual.

I'm the same. I play guitar, badly. But I like it.

Music is your friend. Along with a load of maps and assorted highlighter pens. Plan your adventures. 🙂

Christ....if I lived on my own I'd get awesome sleep. It's my 6 and 7 years old that have bugger up my sleep habits...then have ruined me 🙂

Nobody mentioned the obvious yet?

At least twice a day!

Tee Hee

Procrasturbation.

Get yourself a girlfriend... er or a boyfriend. I'm. not judging

sometimes i dream about living on my own.... not having to clear the plates away, or vacuum the dirt on the floor, repair my bike in the kitchen, smoke drugs at inappropriate times of the day, not having to discuss soft furnishings and colour schemes, having a duvet cover to myself at night.... oh and the idea of bringing random girls home for the night (as if!).

... enjoy it.

Drink and drugs and fags and Soundcloud worked out alright.

Then there was bikes and bits & Mrs. C.

Good evolution if you ask me, wouldn't have the latter without the former. Pardon for being contrary to the op.

Edit: Get Google Earth, you'll lose days.

Do stuff - go out, exercise, make plastic model kits, read, listen to music, build wheels, garden, drink, whatever, just do stuff.

I am on my own at the moment as Mr TW is away for the week. Am now a level 45 wood elf. Skyrim FTW.

Yes, been living on my own for 3 years or so now.

Sometimes it's a pain but I really don't find one to stew over things. Tbh it was only in the last few weeks I got a tv again as I knew I would be stuck at home a lot after coming out of hospital. Found I still don't watch it!!

Music, stw etc are good for at home in the evenings and I always go to bed with the radio on.

Don't drink during the week very often. I think it would be too easy to fall into a routine with that.

Edit - actually, now that I've started seeing someone again in the last couple of weeks, I have found it a tiny bit interesting adjusting to having someone around in the evenings!!

Rachel

You have time on your own?

How can that be?

Do these ...

1. Clean your kitchen.

2. Clean all your rooms.

3. Clean your bathroom.

4. Do all your washing up.

5. Get all your laundry done.

6. Learn something new ... fix computer/car/bike etc ...

7. Watch Family Guy and American dad.

8. Learn to cook properly.

If you have more time than the above then you are Not doing it right ...

🙄

I've lived on my own for 20 or so years with the odd exception as GF's have moved in/out, personally i prefer to live on my own as it works for me. I can do what i want when i want without having to pay heed to someone else or their agenda which i guess is pretty selfish but it's my choice.

I don't own a TV and hardly ever bother to watch anything online, last thing i did choose to watch was the Olympics last year, but i do enjoy my radio and music. I don't find it a problem to relax as when it comes to bed i'm usually pretty knackered and get to sleep fine, or i may read a book, listen to the radio or i just sit and do meditation (TM) for a while.

Perhaps learn some form of meditation or do something like yoga?, either is very beneficial to your health.

I live on my own. It's awful. 😐

But then, so would living with another human be, I suppose.

Guess I should really get a cat. 😐

Exercise helps,
Music over TV - nothing too engaging either, just something to occupy/distract you
No phones/tv/computer devices in the bedroom
Get your brain switched off before going to bed.
Avoid anything that turns the brain on...

Avoid anything that turns the brain on...

...such as pondering the desperate futility and aching emptiness of my own life.
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(sorry, can't sleep at mo')

+1 for the gym/pool if inclined.

If you simply just want to chill and don't have the energy due to workload for exercise (remembering when I was working a 55-60hr week for about 4 years here myself...) I would suggest the following.

1. Perhaps re-frame your perspective on how you view/react to work.

Example; if you get 250 emails per day, have multiple conflicting projects running concurrently or whatever meaning that you always have several issues to deal with at any one moment of the day such that they creep into your personal life then you need to look at ways of reducing the impact of incessant conflicting demands on your time. Otherwise work (there will never be enough hours in the day period) will increasingly creep into your personal life emanating in Saturday work etc.

Step # 1: Increase your efficiency!
An example, every email I get (crackberry addict here) if it is something you can deal with in less than 2 minutes then I just respond to it immediately (during the work day) and reclaim that mindspace. If it is an update/request or just some info I've been sent but am not looking at/working on currently it gets deleted immediately or diverted/saved in the relevant sub-folder(outlook is great for automating this). Should I end up then working on it I can check it later. You will know yourself if something is important and will react to the first interaction as required.

For example I use my commute to delete a lot of shit and to cover any remaining 2 minute responses before I hit the office.

At the end of each month I take the time to delete/archive any remaining crap in my inbox (lots) that ended up being mere "spam" as no one got back to me.

Step # 1: Prioritize better.
If their email/work was important they will chase me about it, if it was really important to them they will chase me about it a second time. If they send me a third email or call me I respond immediately. This doesn't mean I get to work on whatever they required immediately, frankly I may have other more important things to do - but I will tell them when I will look into it or when they can expect a response from me. It then goes into the calendar and gets done - simple. If it wasn't really important you wont hear from them after their first email/contact (I have learned that much important work isn't really that important).

I have a floating work-pile of perhaps 15-16 things which may need done at any one time. It would be ideal if they were all done yesterday. If I am doing important work for my c-levels it goes high on my list - however if I have something else I really need to get completed at that moment I tell them of this and ask if they can wait. Your boss or your bosses boss often tends to be reasonable as they actually don't want to **** something up further downstream. Generally if it is work that could decrease or head off future work that should go high. If it is "high value" work or perhaps for an important client then high. You get the gist

The point is be RUTHLESS and realize that your time is precious. If implemented correctly you will get to a point where upon reflection all of your time was allocated efficiently and was used to resolve the most pressing/important/significant problems for your business and you did not waste time on the trivial. This will get noticed.

2. Perspectives on Stress.
Stress and pressure or visible work strain/effort can have significant impacts on your health and your career.

# 1: Ask yourself why are you getting stressed?
Seriously, what are you worrying about? People get stressed about things they often shouldn't. I really mean that last sentence!! Follow this if you will. I honestly do not get annoyed, stressed or angry about most of the bollox that other people do. My train is late - so what. Someone else at work has seriously ****ed something up - oh well. Those Americans have elected a shitty president once again - surprise, surprise etc and so on. I may have opinions about these or other things but I do not get stressed/angry or annoyed with them. But why you may ask? Quite simple; if it is not something about which I/you have some direct control over, can influence, or can directly affect oneself - such as my current haircut, the quality of my work etc then **** it frankly. If I have created something sub-par or of poor quality then I have a right to be angry with myself if I choose so. Otherwise why on earth should I worry about something over which I have absolutely no control? Ergo I don't - ever!! Are any of these things causing the work-stress out of your sphere of direct influence/control? Can you ignore them? If not who then should you talk to to change them?

Once you get past this noise and focus on those things which you can directly affect how then do you deal with these lesser remaining stresses/pressures? If you are not dealing with them seek assistance.

# 2: Are you doing too much?
I'm going to take a guess and say yes as you seem stressed. Now think of some of your more effective colleagues or managers (if applicable). Do they over-work? Do they seem stressed? Generally there is a close correlation between the two. A good manager knows how to effectively manage stress, a high-pressure workload and get results. A really good manager knows how to manage stress, a high-pressure workload, get results and have a personal life. The best do all of this by managing expectations up and down the food chain and so can garner and deploy resources ever more effectively. It's the same for most employees. Whatever your situation do you need help? Does anyone know?

No need to await a major event until they find out - say you need assistance if they expect anything further of you given your current workload. People will keep piling and stacking more work until they receive push-back or resistance.

# 3: Not breaking.
Are you taking your lunch break or some other form of time-out during the day. Take it - leave the office if you have to!

Are you being remunerated for the extra work or working late etc. Send a few responses to the bosses emails if you are working particularly late - though sparingly as it will ruin the myth of your effortlessness. It will be noticed trust me - then request more money/bonus etc given your efforts and book a holiday.

If people are completely unaware of your extraordinary efforts then why are you actually bothering? Seriously if there is no recognition and there is unlikely to be any for it then **** it. If you are hoping they will recognize when you move position and someone else takes on your current role then oh dear... the future is uncertain. I wouldn't bank on it.

# 4: Switch off.
As you seem unable to switch off under your own volition you need to select an arbitrary time each evening - perhaps when you leave work - after which you will not undertake any work related activities. Thinking is exempt obviously - but no actual bloody work. And damn well exclude your weekends! Realizing after a few days that you will be unable to action any work (irrespective of how much you think of it) will hopefully end up with you being more easily able to dismiss such thoughts after a few days.

3. Conclusion.
You will notice that I haven't actually given you any recommendations on how to actually relax/chill in the evenings. This is because quite honestly you need to treat the causes of and not the manifestations of the issues.

NB: Two pieces of info I found interesting. The fact you are living alone (otherwise irrelevant to general issue) and no alcohol. I read this sort of like a freudian slip and will take a wild guess and say you are most likely an introvert who isnt socializing enough. Even introverts need to socialize so perhaps look for ways to increase your social interaction outside work.

Personally I like to pick up random women at salsa class.

In my batchelor years I so often had a GF staying or my brother or various other random folk in my spare room that I was seldom alone. On two occasions my employer even asked me to put up new a employee or the son of our Syrian agent for a few weeks, for which, if I recall, they slipped me £1000 a month in cash - useful! Then almost every Friday afternoon I'd be in the car, often with bike in the boot, gadding off to climb or ride in some part of the country, something which I NEVER do nowadays. That didn't leave many free evenings when I really had nothing to do at all.

I have lived on my own for over 2 years now, completely out of choice. I've always liked being able to be on my own if I wanted to be. It suits my work shifts (75hrs a week night shift, week on/week off). Also had a bit of a cr*p experience sharing a flat which hasn't helped my attitude to sharing again.

I've never had a problem occupying myself through the summer, it's the winter months where I find my self at a loose end, which inevitably ends with alcohol and/or feeling miserable.

@ Woody Cannondale

You sound like a very empowered individual.

Do you:

a) actually live alone?

or b) if you do actually live alone, how do you think this life would differ if you were unable to pick up random women (with apparently sounding ease) at salsa class?

...still easy to sleep at night?

Just interested, like 😉

I've lived on my own for over 4 years now, and tbh most of the time i have no issues with getting to sleep or relaxing in the evenings, but occasionally there'll be something preying on my mind that upsets the status quo, but listening to Slayer really really loud mostly sorts that out.

so, listen to Slayer. really really loud.

I keep a pen and pad beside the bed to help switch off the night-time work-related thoughts and get to sleep. If I write down what I've been thinking, then it lets my brain stop thinking about what it's thinking, and I can get to sleep.

Oh yes.... helpz from the internetz, that was what the OP was after.

Warm milk. That's my tip. Worked last night for me, and usually does when I can't sleep.

I'm holed up in the Arctic at the mo' - it was broad daylight by 2am this morning. A bowl of warmed milk and dried prunes at 3am sent me right off.

I love my work too (scientist), so also sometimes have the problem you face sometimes, mind whurring away on science stuff at night.

Zzzzzzzzz...

I live on my own. It's awful.

But then, so would living with another human be, I suppose.

Guess I should really get a cat.

Similar problem.

I got a cat.

It's awful too. I now can't get a good nights sleep as the furry hooligan thinks it's playtime at 5am, or decides to share his often alive rodents and birds with me at inappropriate times of the night.

I wouldn't change him though....

Seriously though, if you can't switch off, rather than sitting stressing about it, go and do something, bike/run etc.

It sounds daft but I found making a list of things I enjoyed doing helped, and just working down it as time went on, that way I didn't have to stress about choosing an activity either.

I'm a year into living on my own and TBH don't particularly like it. Was in a live-together relationship for 22 years.

Switching off from work isn't my problem, it's lack of company and a quiet house. Radio4 goes on the hi-fi as soon as I get up, or get home and stays on (I don't have a TV which probably doesn't help).

Not being at home alone works for me 🙂 I have a GF who lives 40miles away so weekends are taken-up spending time with her, but living together (for either of us) is completely impractical. When I [i]am[/i] home alone, keeping busy is good. Seeing people, skypeing and generally doing stuff. Riding as much as poss in the evenings when weather allows, or walking, cleaning, sorting, tidying, reading etc when the weather's bad. Tinkering with bikes in the garage is also good. I have masses to tinker with in there. Also planning, listing things-to-do around the home or garden etc. Keep busy, keep distracted!

I absolutely love living on my own and that's how it's always going to be! Spent many decades being married so perhaps that's way I appreciate having my own space that includes bikes ending up in the kitchen, wheels lying around, maps spread over the table, just doing what I want to do etc. 😳

Must confess to being a pita though as well as a loner. Funnily enough my bro' is the same. 😐

Seems that blokes can't do this living alone thing.

36 posts and nobody's mentioned the glaringly obvious way for a single gentleman to unwind at the end of a long day?

I know he said keep it clean but come on people!

4 months of the year I live alone pretty much.

You need to take your mind off work. To that I go see friends, invite friends round or go for a ride! Having a lot of hobbies also helps which means you always have something to do that you like. 😉

If you're awake at 4am thinking about work, I would say you are stressed about work. Look at sorting that, if not ride a bike to help, works for me.

Seems that blokes can't do this living alone thing.

Can DO it, just don't like it! 😀

[Edit]: 'Sfunny: Was REALLY looking forward to it at the start, too. Blank page and all that. Do what I like, when I like etc. But I remember really struggling to know where furniture would 'go' best in an empty room! Not really helped by not having any (greedy ex-wife - long story) and having to start from scratch.

I work from home and live alone - don't have any real stress, but if I'm struggling to get to sleep I listen to podcasts in bed - makes my brain switch off.

Yes, can do it, but not really liking it.

I love living alone. No annoying/messy housemates and you can do what you want when you want. Got to live near friends though otherwise it gets a bit lonely and boring.

hatter - Member
36 posts and nobody's mentioned the glaringly obvious way for a single gentleman to unwind at the end of a long day?

I think you find it has been inferred before - and it's not just a boy thing i'm sure

The things you suffer aren't a direct correlation to living alone, I often suffer the same issues in the evenings and I have never had the luxury of living alone.

The only thing I find that helps is a note pad by the bed and I have a large whiteboard (flame away..) in the dining room which has lists of things I need to do. In effect if it is on the list I can mentally 'park' it until I am ready to deal with it. If it is important it gets done quickly, if not a burning issue things can sit on there for months but I will get round to them.

I have lists for home, personal and work. Recently I've been taking an afternoon off here and there just to wade through things. Feels good to remove more things from the list than to add.

Write down everything you are worrying about, hit the things you can get sorted quickly and start feeling you are getting back on top of things.

And if workload is an issue there are plenty of great books out there on time management. I refuse to have a crack berry and deal with my mails 3 times a day. 9am, lunch and 5pm for 15 mins. If it is urgent someone will have phoned or found me. Most emails are business spam. I also hate this bloody instant messenger. The key to getting things done is being able to focus without interruptions.

It doesn't really help that generally I don't see, or talk to, anyone outside of work between Sunday evening and the following Friday evening (maybe even Saturday evening, if I don't go out on Friday evening).

Depends really. I avoid speaking to my partner about work, all it will do is stress her out as I unload my troubles.

How about challenging a work colleague to a game of squash once a week / fortnight. 1 hour game followed a beer and a debrief. You will mainly talk about the game but also a bit of about work which will help. I used to play Thursday evenings so would set you up for the weekend

Weekday evening activities: riding, music and pub with mates help loads. But the bottom-line is <heart-on-sleeve> I simply miss having a good woman around </heart-on-sleeve>

i don't particularly enjoy living alone, overall, but it has its good points.
my gf lives about 20 miles away too, which is sort of a pain to be honest, but i'm taking steps to change that.

I'm alright on my own. TV, movies, Playstation games, playing musical instruments and singing badly, fiddling with bikes, riding bikes, writing code, messing about on STW and the internet in general, reading books, cooking, eating.. or any combination of all those things.

22 years. It's all that I'm used to.

hatter - Member

36 posts and nobody's mentioned the glaringly obvious way for a single gentleman to unwind at the end of a long day?

I know he said keep it clean but come on people!

You could always try reading a complete STW thread before contributing to it. I know that's asking a lot, but it might help you to relax....

...and not post repetitions... 😈

mikey74 - Member
Do you find you have trouble relaxing in the evenings? I often find myself stewing on things and as a result I either don't sleep well, or I just feel mentally exhausted.

I do this and haven't lived alone for over a decade.
Just a worrier I think and once something gets into my head it jsut goes around and around and around...

As above, the only thing that works for me is writing stuff down.

A week or so ago, I had loads of things on my mind; impending wedding & loads still to sort out, impending best man at mate's wedding and loads of stuff to sort out, stuff to do around the house....etc.
Ended up getting up at about 1:30am and having to go downstairs and write it all down. Filled an A4 page of bullet points before staggering back to bed and dropped off almost straight away.

Get yourself a long distant relationship going....

I live alone, or at least I live without any other people. I have two Greyhounds, soooo relaxing. I sometimes get wound up by work but I find that the bike ride home gets rid of much of that, and walking the dogs gets rid of the rest. Greyhounds are masters of chillin' - if I lie down on my bed they will come and chill with me. It's very calming to quietly stroke your dog and listen to their quiet breathing, watch their chests rise and fall with their breath.

xherbivorex - Member

i don't particularly enjoy living alone, overall, but it has its good points.
my gf lives about 20 miles away too, which is sort of a pain to be honest, but i'm taking steps to change that.

Josef Fritzl sytlee?

adjustablewench - Member

hatter - Member
36 posts and nobody's mentioned the glaringly obvious way for a single gentleman to unwind at the end of a long day?

I think you find it has been inferred before - and it's not just a boy thing i'm sure

You could always try reading a complete STW thread before contributing to it. I know that's asking a lot, but it might help you to relax....

...and not post repetitions...

Oh, the ironing.

I used to get this . 100mph brain speed where your tired muscles are pleading for some restfull sleep , but your brain is trying to solve quadratic equations and wont shut down.

Try comcentrating ona blank blackboard, with no writing on it.
Get a shredder, honsetly. 20 mins shredding water bills from 2005 etc will have a positive effect.

Write list and strike through stuff when its done.

Something big / difficult to do and its causing stress? No problem , reward yourself with a bike ride and flapjack once you have completed the task. win - win . Putting stuff off and riding your bike is a plaster on a bullet hole, short term gain.

Read a book you have already read, works for me.

Good TV, the internet, PS3 games and masturbation.. that's it.

no_eyed_deer - Member
@ Woody Cannondale

You sound like a very empowered individual.

Do you:

a) actually live alone?

or b) if you do actually live alone, how do you think this life would differ if you were unable to pick up random women (with apparently sounding ease) at salsa class?

...still easy to sleep at night?

Just interested, like

Cheers - when I was a kid I wanted to be "He Man". It's still my overall life goal really.. 😉

In answer to:
a) Yes - I much prefer living alone though I occasionally have friends/family crashing from time to time which can be fun or alternatively a nightmare.

b) I didn't say it was easy - but the practice is fun. If this didn't currently work for me i'd be looking for some other form of social interaction to chill out. Otherwise i'd probably be going utterly insane like @mikey74 as I tend not to switch off easily.

The point is you need to sort (whether that is to solve or merely manage) the root causes of these issues - then do whatever it is you can to unwind.

Lived on my own for most of the last twenty years. Loved it 🙂

+1 for having a dog. A walk after work, then another just before bed. Worked well for me.

Started living with surrounedbyhills 18 months ago... if anyone can tell me how to cope with this I'd love to know 😉

Ever since I left my parents house I have lived alone (all bar having a lodger for a year or two)and have mostly had no problems with it. I think this is mainly due to being very busy at the day job and in the evenings doing loads of gigs with various bands, being involved in theatre and choirs, going cycling and just doing other 'stuff'. I have also been very lucky to have loads of friends in the areas where I live.

As for waking up with stuff running round my head, over the years I have learned various mind clearing techniques to deal with it, but mainly I learned that worry doesn't change anything, and that I can only deal with the present, which at 2am should mean being asleep.

Install Linux and learn to program.

Join some clubs, try some new hobbies.