Address tae a fart
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
As ye sit doon amongst yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win’
The neeps an’ tatties an’ mushy peas
Stert workin’ like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin’ WI the sonsie face
Will have ye blawin’ a’ ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’body’s gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It’s like a bullet oot o’ a rifle
Hawd yer bum tight tae the Chair
Tae try an’ stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek.
But aw yer efforts gan asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets aroon’ the room
Michty me! A sonic boom
God Almighty, it fairly reeks!
Hope I huvnae sh*t me breeks!
Tae the bog I’d better scurry,
Ach, whit the hell, it’s no ma worry.
A’body roon aboot me chokin’
Yin or twae were nearly bokin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.
Wis him! I shout with accusin’ glower,
Alas! Too late! He’s just keeled Ower
Ye dirty bugger, they shout and stare
A didnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e’re ye be let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty
(With apologies tae The Bard)
