[Closed] WHY?!?!?! (Man bits horror content!!)

I normally crying too much from peeing through a frozen baby carrot, to notice where my balls have gone.

They weren't cold really

testicle migration working correctly then

I honestly didn't know whether to put my trousers on or ask one of the female staff if they could lend me a skirt.

Still ache slightly. 🙁

I'm surprised it's the first time it's happened though.
Do you normally wear fleece lined pants or something? 🙂

Try running a marathon, the whole lot shrinks like a crisp poke under a hot grill. Thought I'd grown a monkey nut.

A long bath does the trick.

never happened to me before :S but a lot of guys mention it like its normal?

i'd be freaking out if they disappeared!

seeing as STW is mainly older men, can we start a basic poll of if its happened to them/normal?

if i'm weird for it not having happened... then i'm glad i'm weird.

Ninja/samurai retractable function, most useful.
Were you listening to "Kung Fu fighting" on the iPod?

er, did you dip them in the "calming cup of tea" or did they regrow naturally? 🙂

It's normal.
If it's never happened before you've got a special needs scrotum or have never got cold 🙂

You just keep telling yourself that Ian 😆

It's the pain in the end of my 'frozen baby carrot' that stops me riding much road in the winter. Baggy shorts over lycra would probably work but look daft on a road bike and I have had limited success with wearing a 'third sock'.

Bit of deep heat on the end works wonders.

Its going for a pee that I find mad, esp if none comes out to start with and your nadger swells up then goes off like a fire hydrant... always try to warm it first

Last turkey in the shop?

Try surfing in February for the ultimate "I've turned into a girl!" experience.

Never happened before, I wear Lusso bib tights over Lycra cycling shorts AND it wasn't that cold today I reckon.

There was some therapeutic massaging needed to regain the family jewels.

What you need, sir, is a ThermaJock: http://thermajock.com/

ThermaJock: Cold Weather Protection For Men

That would NOT be AWESOME. 😉

Could it be connected to the body's 'fight or flight' response?

I must admit that quite often after a gym session the results are similar to your scenario, so I'm wondering if there's a redirection of blood to the areas of the body which require it most during exercise, thereby leaving non-vital organs for the chosen exertion starved of sustenance.

It is embarrassing though, eh?

Back when I used to ride a motorbike, I discovered the hard way that my leathers were only waterproof to a point.

The shape of my legs on the tank formed a natural lake of rain water over time, as it pooled up. Eventually, the waterproofness of my trousers would be exceeded and, with little other warning, a puddle of icey cold water would gently but suddenly kiss the underside of my scrotum. Really focuses the mind, that. If my plums had retracted in fear much further you'd think I had tonsilitis.

i've been cold, i've been very cold, cold enough for the family jewels to shrink but never have they disappeared up inside of me 😯

genuinely sounds like the most horrific thing in the world... how do they fit? where's the hole they go into?!

perhaps i'm just lucky i'm a warm person with lots of blood or summin?

Could it be connected to the body's 'fight or flight' response?

It's purely temperature. Their, ah, optimum operating temperature is a degree or so below body temperature, which is why they're kept in a handy carrying pouch.

LoL.

Some excellent ones here:

[i]special needs scrotum[/i]

Has got to be up there with:

[i]Flap dribble[/i]

which emerged during a thread where the women on here were chatting about answering the call of nature while out on a ride.

😆

The baby carrot thing has been known to occur, but the two veg are always where I think they should be...

Must be shocking if you were to get baby carrot and the retracting plums at the same time.
😯

try bawstick

Better they retract then fall off.

I guess the main worry would be if the left one re-emerged through the right ones hole and vice:versa.

You'd get yourself in a right old knot then.

I need to check them again as the ache is still there.

[saunters casually away from desk as to avoid suspicion and hide panic]

My wife says this thread is useless without pics.

I'm inclined to disagree and simply use my imagination.

I need to check them again as the ache is still there.

Yes, do check them. If they've come out of the wrong holes you'll have a bad case of Twisticles......

[img] http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRXpfDa9ANTTij5LsIBtiEZPuLWBKyEjjexQkUYWg3FYp-1sRwLHIMPyqq7Vw [/img]

I'll be wanting that back later.
You're one of those Nigerian witch doctors that can steal penises just by shaking hand with someone, aren't you?

Agree with Cougar, you don't know cold till you've been motorbike cold!

Yep, I can vouch for that. The worst I can remember was stopping at a petrol station with hands numb to the wrists and staying for 20 minutes lurking, wincing at the pain as circulation returned.

Oh thats a tough one. Most shrinkage from motorbike or winter water induced coldness?

I think I've never had as much pain trying to move after charging up and down the A1 on a bike without a fairing.

However, if my memory serves me right, I had more shrinkage after an unplanned swim whilst kayaking in january.

Hmmm...

It's normal, but then I do a fair bit of open-water swimming. My scrotum seems to compress the plums up into my abdomen in cold, and a bit of cosy warmth will coax them down with no harm done. It's better than frost-bite.
(Pun, for the French speakers)

Never noticed them vanish under a chill MTBing. But I do find it hard to get those bits chilled, they're generally well placed for staying warm even in snowy rides in shorts! But I have lost them while surfing.

>I need to check them again as the ache is still there.

If it gets worse...BLOODY WELL GET YERSELF TO A&E !!

I used to to have the reverse problem - over-dangliness. Often used to wake with a bit of an ache, shuffle things around/turn over, sorted itself. Went on for years, to late 20's, until...

...one day it didn't..got worse and worse - by the time I got the doc around in the evening it was subsiding, but too late. All a bit puzzled in A&E (prumably 'cos they thought I shouldn't be still standing due to pain, or something like that, from a torsion). A record I guess, 4 or 5 pairs of hands on my nads in one evening, none of them my GF's, and none of it much fun 😮
That was friday...by sunday one side was like a large avocado (size, not colour !). Ultrasound monday - almost didn't happen cos some idiot ****ed up, persistent GF sorted it, gawd knows what would happened otherwise.
Following day, removal of offending nad. Which, according to the consultant, was going off a bit by then (I paraphrase). Oh, and a totally pointless bit of sack shaving on my part - they actually go in at bikini line level, 'cept the twunts didn't tell me...still, at least it was so big that everything had got smoothed out by that point, and nothing got nicked...

I get chucked out two days later with no bloody warning, I *think* pulling stitches 'cos I'm lugging a rucsac full of books that friends had kindly left, expecting me to be in rather longer - plus I left my big ****off bunch of flowers my GF had brought 🙁 I spend the next several weeks sleeping on my back *very* carefully (inc one or two scares where I think I've twisted t'other side) - oh, and it's taking about 15 or 20 minutes to even get out of the chair to the upstairs loo (hence the pulled stitches theory, half of that's just trying to stand up)

Some months later I get the remaining nad stitched to the scrotum to stop it rotating, and I can sleep properly again.

Hopefully that's the only thing I've got in common with Hitler !

Baby carrot - yes. Often.

Retraction - not yet, despite unfaired motorbikes and the joy that is icy water soaking to places icy water should not go.

So something to look forwards to.

[i]Some months later I get the remaining nad stitched to the scrotum to stop it rotating, and I can sleep properly again.[/i]

Reading that mine have just start retracting to their safe place out of fear.

a bad case of Twisticles......

I need a new keyboard, this one's full of tea now.

Can I have your wife's bike please?

Elf, as I've said before, NO!

But wait a bit and it looks like you might be welcome to one of my testicles.

I too suffer from slightly too much dangliness and the previous story is making me even more worried!!

This day shall forever be known as "Testicle Wednesday".

[img] [/img]

TJ, don't go there. 😉

I don't anyone needs to see a close up of my hairy brains.

Found these this morning...still looking for my testicles though.
[img] ?0[/img]

Many moons ago, on a cold and foggy late october morning, I was in the unfortunate situation of being admitted to hospital after a nasty riding accident - I went [b]headfirst[/b] into a dry stone wall. The first person at my bedside was not my wife but my best mate who'd heard of my accident through a chance encounter. It was his job to help me into a hospital gown, out of my lycra leggings.

The bastard made references to the rather inadequate size of my penis at just about every opportunity for quite some time (years) after. Explanations of the cold and the blood going to where its needed unsurprisingly fell on deaf ears. 🙁

EDIT: LOL'ed at the 'Click here to enlarge' on the Thermajock site...

a fleece lined baggy artifical flimflam.

Is there anything that isn't available on the internet?

Elf, as I've said before, NO!

Why not that's bang out of order.

I don't want your testicle, I want yer wife's bike. It's not an unreasonable request.

Honestly, anyone would think I'd demanded one of yer bollocks, the way you go on about it.... 🙄

She hasn't ridden it since BBB either. What a waste, eh? 😉

See? Might as well give it to me.

When I arrive at work on a cold morning and look at whats happened the phrase "lion cold " always springs to mind.

[img] [/img]

Happens to me too. jacobs just like to hide from the cold until its shower time. Wilbur however tends to take on the appearance of an eyeless Clanger with a blond crew cut.

A peloton of penguins
[img] [/img]