[Closed] Who farts In the Office?

The cat

We wait till four o clock when our office admin leaves then we release the fury 😳

I go and do it in the (small) kitchen. This regularly leads to people sending emails around requesting people kindly remove any out-of-date/rotting food from the fridge, as there's an unholy aroma in there.

[b]Muhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa[/b] 👿

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I do all the time - I do work from home mind 🙂

I wouldn't hold a fart in anyway, office or not

My job involves a lot of lunching with clients folowed by afternoons spent dissipating fart smells around the office.

If I didn;t I'd float!

I'm holding one in right now.

I just snuck out a crafty little one.

Ha! @ Binners. Good tactics

I'll be out on the real ale tonight, so I expect tomorrow I'll be turning the air brown.

As a teacher, letting rip opportunities are slim unless you are absolutely certain it'll be an SBD. In which case, one positions oneself next to the most annoying little brat, does the deed, moves away and watch the little scrote get the blame for it. Always makes my day.

I do it all the time and blame the smell on the last patient 👿

Guy next to me does it loudly and regularly and doesn't understand when no one reacts when he looks round expecting laughs and a round of applause. Grotty old ****.

Wherever you may be let your wind gang free!

Guy next to me does it loudly and regularly and doesn't understand when no one reacts when he looks round expecting laughs and a round of applause. Grotty old ****.

At least he's honest, rather than being underhand and blaming someone else.

me but I have an office all to my little old self so I'm safe

A few of us at work do it. You know when its bad when its outside and everyone walks away 🙂 But I do blame mine on medication 😉

Does anyone *not* do it?

Seems weird to me. Might as well ask, "so, who breathes at the office?"

I fart whilst Im driving my train at work , but was caught out this morning when the guard chapped at the window and the reek billowed out. 😳

never.
people complain when it's 1 degree too hot or if the air is a little too dry.
people would be apoplectic if someone made an anal announcement.

It's a tough one in my office. I end up 'rebreathing' them and letting out on mass every toilet visit.
The office chairs are made of mesh so produce a high pitch squeeeeeeel when releasing a sly one.

My old boss used to think it was the most amusing thing to let rip the most ear splitting trouser coughs in an office full of people he didn't know. Was never sure what to say so just tried to ignore him...

guy that sits behind me does, most often silent.

my nose twitches and when i spin round he has left the office, thats usually a split second before the odour sensitive air freshener jumps into action.

dirty bastid.

he got a Johnny Fart Pants mug in the secret santa last year, seems to be getting the hint.

Quality topic...just had me in stitches.

Lucky for me my colleague is adept at letting a few go too!

My best ever though was walking into the car park down at Excel in London. Just as he opened the door I did a spectacular rendition of a tug boat...the two girls at the ticket machine just looked at him in disgust!!

Anyway such childish behaviour is not big or clever!!!

Well the pupils do it and take great pride in their creations... so why the hell shouldn't I?

depends who else is around. call me old fashioned but I don't in front of ladies. also try not to in front of those who don't return the compliment. however the the gloves are off when the boss is around as he sees it has his way of being all "alpha"...

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sitting in the corner means I have nowhere to let one go, as they'll know its me. my only option is silent crop dusting

Real men/women do it in the lift 😎

If I didn;t I'd float!

Very good... Made me giggle that did.

Real men/women do it in the lift

That's wrong on so many levels.

IGMC

Real men/women do it in the lift

That's wrong on so many levels.

Just like headfirst I unload next to the horrible wee scrote in my classroom..Poor wee buggers,I eat loads of soup and veg as well... 😈

after a heavy bout of real ale the night before, I was once deploying the most horrendous smell bombs in my team's cubicle. Fortunately all but one were out of the office. The smell got too much for my team-member and I so we went outside for a coffee.

When we came back in, someone from a cubicle the other side of the office had called the janitor in, who was now rummaging around in the ductwork "looking for a dead rat". I made my excuses and left.

I prefer anonymity myself.
Fortunately I don't work at a desk so there are plenty of cropdusting opportunities.
A few weeks ago I was walking down the main drag in town cropdusting with every step.
Unfortunately it was much louder than I anticipated.
I looked behind and there was a homeless guy walking along who looked like he'd had a pretty rough night. He looked up at me and said "thanks mate, that's all I needed!".

Just to clarify, are we talking front bottom or rear bottom here? Front bottom fish farts have gotta be up there on the trumps ratings.

eeuuww!!!!!

cropdusting with every step.

AKA smuggling ducks (© Binners)

Twice today someone's come over to talk to me about ten seconds after I'd quietly unleashed an eggy landmine. Worse, one of them introduced himself as we'd never met before.

We used to wear things like this at work:

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Which was a high risk policy - as you could sneak up behind someone and leave them a present that was sucked straight into their dust filter... but at the same time you would subject yourself to a significant risk of collaterol damage 😯

I've posted this before but I think it's relevant here.

At a previous job, our company called out Dynorod to unblock the drains in the toilets next to our office.

The root cause of the disgraceful smell was never found, which is unsurprising as it was actually as a result my colleague coming round to my house for beer and fajitas the night before. We'd spent the following morning quietly but continually deflating in the office.

God, my boss at my placement, he was really bad, used the loo every morning at the same time, really smelly, and would fart all day, and blame me. Was quite handy though, you could just let one out and everyone would just think it was him 🙂

Working in pathology laboratories, one can fart with impunity.

2am in a local club. Cleared an entire dance floor of around 150 people, everyone stopped dancing and ran off to the bar with a look of absolute disgust. Smelt f*cking evil. Got away with it too as no-one suspects the skinny guy.

Farting in the Office, I cant believe nobody does it down the phone to each other, preceeded by 'quick put it on loudspeaker' !!

Conference calls are best for that, followed by a quick round of 'Whodunnit?'

Well impressed if mine get smelt at work.
I am out in the woods though.
Occasionally someone down wind gets a whiff. They're usually the farts that have taught me how to open all the tractor windows in a millisecond. Tractor cab is far too confined.

A friend of mine can control his farts so spectacularly that he can fart a tune or pop every few seconds for a minute. And with such clarity too!
Is this skill unique or can anyone else boast these credentials?

Google "Mr Methane".