[Closed] When it all gets too much - What do you do?

1: Go ride your bike as and when you can.
2: Listen to the good folk on here (and only the good ones)
3: Dont let life get to you, as Ton says chin up.
4: Try and change things, look at what you need not what others tell you, you need.

Talk to someone.

In person. Face to face. Over a cuppa.

have a wnak!

2: Listen to the good folk on here (and only the good ones)

also, try to fix some time up and get away from it all for a few days, it's surprising what a bit of distance can do

Tell myself that the niggles will go away eventually/hopefully and be thankful for the good and great things in my life like wife, children, health, etc.

Sometimes things can feel quite bleak if you have a lot to tackle, but try and tackle the easier things first and get some satisfaction from accomplishing those before trying the harder things.

If things continue to stay bad then go and see your GP.

I sit and stare (for about 10 - 15 minutes) at graphic images of starving children in a third world country and count myself lucky.

I'd go on a random killing spree, just need to get myself a big gun first.

Me I get pissed with friends, ride my bike or go off like an atom bomb.

Today I can't do any of them so it's stewing and will have to try not explode before I can find something to relax to by the weekend.

2 things in life have really helped me 'Assess how bad my situation is in comparisson to others' it's not a massive help but these are the things I use.
1) I read touching the void, it was an inspriation - at the time I was whinging lots about little things, reading that put a lot of it into perspective
2) I went to Adrica, to help working in a schiool for a while, not with the kids jusr around the place, it wasn;t for anywhere near long enough either, but for a couple of weeks, just platering walls and helping out in the kitchen it helps you put perspective on how different out lives here are, how spoiled we have become.

These things might not help you much but they definately had an impact on me.

I guess my message is try not to let the little things get you down, imagine having to crawl across morraines for a couple of days with no food, water and and horribly broken leg!

Just put things in perspective. If you want, I could moan at you constantly for an hour or two. I may spontaneously burst into tears, banging my head against the table shouting "DEAR GOD!!! WHY?!!!!" before I start self-harming with a hunting knife.

It'll give you some perspective though. Always pleased to help

davidtaylforth - Member
I sit and stare (for about 10 - 15 minutes) at graphic images of starving children in a third world country and count myself lucky.

Really?? Comparison with other's plight has never done anything for me.

Talk to someone - preferably someone outside the things that are getting to you. Then you can get an objective view and just the act of talking about it with someone not connected is cathartic and can help find solutions. Work out which ones you need to deal with and the ones that can wait as well. Always, always have time for yourself. I stopped doing that for a while and suffered for it.

Live in Nigeria/Somalia/Afghanistan for a month then see how you feel...

some problems you cannot/ will not fix.

try to write down/ think about the way to solve each problem. cross out any solutions that you won't take.

ie. not worth leaving the wife cos she won't budget for italian lager and buys value cans.

break down the solutions that are left into bite size chunk.

ie. need £40 quid for new tyres on the bike; break down into stop buying value lager as you only replace it with italian beer later.

if you see what i mean!

try to rationalise and solve personal problems in the way you would in a professional situation

I'd suggest call a sickie (or take legit holiday or even just leave early one day) ride your bike out somewhere, sit down on the grass on a hillside and have a think for an hour or two.

Dig down into your heart and find what the real problem is. Imagine things happening and then consider how those thoughts make you feel - that's how you can find out what you really want. Once you have a target, you can analyse how to achieve that.

Its the first time I have ever felt a little jaded by by such thing

Heh.. I get this every day almost 🙂

As mol grips says, take a day off, just for you. Spend the whole day out on your bike. Somehow giving your body something to do helpsnthe mind free itself a bit. Spend the [u]whole[/u] day, not just a couple of stolen hours

At the risk of being self-indulgent, read my article in this months Singletrack.Its about just this type of thing. Problems like this are deeply personal and individual, but what a lot of people are saying here make an awful lot of sense

Thank you for ll of the kind words.

I have found that writing things down helps but at the moment that list just seems to go on.

Part of my problem, I think, is that I perhaps muse over/worry so very minor/trivial things.

Strangely the larger things I can deal with fine.

My wife is very good and helps put most things into the bigger perspective.

Thing is that I find it hard to talk about such things as I perceive that it should be something I can sort/work out.

Weird isn't it that I can post up my thoughts to a bunch of strangers but talking about it to close friends doesn't happen.

Post on STW?

Talk, sex and ride bike!

Also try some funny youtube vids to make you laugh.

We may be a bunch of freaks on here but we do care about people, keep posting and share your concerns, we all have them.
Runs out to drink beer and do blokey things.....

Whisky

stumpynya12 - Member

We may be a bunch of freaks on here but we do care about people, keep posting and share your concerns, we all have them.
Runs out to drink beer and do blokey things.....

Duly recognized.

**cough** off to chop some wood now **cough**

binners - Member

At the risk of being self-indulgent, read my article in this months Singletrack.Its about just this type of thing. Problems like this are deeply personal and individual, but what a lot of people are saying here make an awful lot of sense

Cheers binners.

Hadn't seen this months yet. Will have a read.

change the things you can, and accept the things you cant.

check out the [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer ]serenity prayer[/url] and [url= http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm ]rudyard kiplings "if"[/url]

LMTTM - some very good advice here, i'd like to do a big +1 for:

a) take some time for yourself, proper time, outside of your normal routine and get away from distractions.. ideally in the woods away from people and phone signal type thing

b) talk to someone; vent your feelings, samaritans are good at just listening and not judging if you'd prefer to just let it all out to a stranger.

and i'd like to add:

c) instead of thinking "how am i going to deal with this?" try approaching it as if someone else is asking you for advice on the same issue. simple but sometimes surprisingly effective.

d) get up half an hour earlier in the mornings and just relax before starting your day, waking up to an alarm and instantly rushing around until bedtime is rubbish, i've always woken up early to have 30 mins to myself before having to get ready. for some reason this helps me and has for some others i've suggested it to.

e) ignore the "realise how lucky you are, go work in a hospital for babies dying of hungry genital desease" type responses. although they're meant with the best intentions, they kinda miss the point that everyones problems are going to be seen as big or small by someone else... however that doesnt change the fact that they're still going to effect you and be big to you as you're the one experiencing them...

sometimes staring at people worse off makes you feel guilty about your own problems and that doesnt help at all.

f) go jump in puddles like a kid 😀

binners - Member
At the risk of being self-indulgent, read my article in this months Singletrack.Its about just this type of thing. Problems like this are deeply personal and individual, but what a lot of people are saying here make an awful lot of sense

Anything in there about rekindling your self-belief?

OP - it does get easier talking to people about what's on your mind the more often you do it.

I went on a course with work once and they talked about self-limiting beliefs. These are very powerful things that can start from a very young age and are very difficult to overcome. My self-limiting belief is that I am boring because I enjoy mathematics.

You have stated what your self-limiting belief is up above.

Does your work provide you with access to any counselling facilitlies? Or does and I found it very useful talking to a 3rd party about the problems I was facing and how to voercome them.

Shave your head, climb a clock tower with Melissa, your much loved 303 and issue some summary justice.

Seriously, when I spent most of last and this year staring redundancy in the face I just tried to put things into perspective. I still had my health and my kids. A damn sight more that others have.

That and I rode my bike. I really must say that if it wasn't for mountain biking I really would have been licking Burtons Windows.

philconsequence - liking [i]all[/i] of those although (f) should have course have said bunnyhop

wellington boots and autumn puddles.... my dad took this up when he was diagnosed with cancer and he swears that being a kid again made him smile enough to change his mindset and help him get through it all.

Ride the bike is the easy answer but in reality not always possible.

I had a bad morning and a few niggles, went to the gym at lunch, had a pint after, will call the kids in a while for a chat and am feeling much better.
Just have to list out the good stuff and often its easy to see that reality and perception are not always the same.

If it's work stuff, either a) delegate or b) speak to the boss. Set out a realistic calendar for what you're being asked to do, and any more work that comes along goes at the end of it. If you get told it needs to be done by tomorrow, make it clear that the rest of the work [b]will[/b] get rescheduled.

I am overwhelmed by the response to this thread.

Going for a ride does help me clear my head but lately I have found that even that is getting sidelined for no good reason.

Yep try and understand which of the prods you can affect and which you can't.
Talk to people.
Ermm can't recommend the drink/drugs route - tried it and it can all start to become an additional part of the problem 👿
Biking is good tho', very good, maybe try and set some bike goals for the future so that you can worry about them and not the other stuff.

Maybe take a day off just to relax. I find just sorting out the house and going for a ride (when the wife and kids are at work/school) can really help.

I don't mean just go for a ride, I mean go somewhere (why not by bike?) out in the countryside and sit and think. The thinking is important tho.

I usually just get away from it all, by going somewhere for the day or even a couple of days with the bike and simply get away...

Treasure the little and simple things.

The smell of fresh coffee, the taste of a fresh orange, the feeling of maximum physcial exertion, a loved one's smile, etc, etc....

Either that or go on a massive drug binge.

I often find that all the little things that start to bug me are a result of one larger issue - the kids not listening/doing as they are asked and neglect by the Mrs (even though most of the time there isn't really a problem). There are times when I feel I might as well be invisible. My problem is I just find myself doing the same back to them by keeping my distance which results in a never ending circle. It's hard to let someone close to you know how you feel (at that particular time) and that that's wrong with you, but getting it off your chest does help. Talking is a good thing even though it can be hard.
You need to ask yourself honestly if there is anything that is causing you to feel the way you do. You are certainly not alone.

Granny Weatherwax once said, You need to know whats real, what aint and what's the difference.
Never a truer word spoken. When I look back at the things I've ever worried about and then noticed that 90% of it never happened I feel a bit better about the future.
Worry gets you nowhere. Kids and wives seem to be sent to test my patience, work can be a little annoying at times and for the most part we all have our obligations to meet. Overall though it's good to be alive, especially when you're riding down something tricky at speed in the pissing rain with good friends and wanton disregard for the consequences.

Life is good - Remember it.

A bike ride's nice, but personally I'd spend the whole ride with a niggling feeling of only being out to avoid my problems for a couple of hours.

For me, anyway, a better plan would be to sit down with a pencil and paper, write down the problems and make a stab at what I can do about them in the short term - and then (and only then) go for a ride with a clear conscience.

Granny Weatherwax once said, You need to know whats real, what aint and what's the difference

+1 for anything Granny Weatherwax says..

Me personally.. if the bastards are actually starting to grind me down.. I run off to play with the hippies for a few days..

2: Listen to the good folk on here (and only the good ones)

how does one tell which are which ?

things in life have really helped me 'Assess how bad my situation is in comparisson to others'

that has to rank as some of the worst advice on this topic I have ever read 🙁 The capabilities and suffering of others is completely irrelevant.

For me, some problems seem unsolvable. Whatever solution I think of leads to unwanted consequences. It can do your head in mulling over possible solutions.

So, I make non-decisions, a bit like Alice in Wonderland and the cat

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.

Just chill man.........

Perhaps you are lacking in self-belief at the moment thus not actually dealing with matters that require your attention?

The more you avoid dealing with them, the more it reinforces your current mindset?

Riding some familiar trails may help and, possibly, just getting out of your comfort zone.

But in any case, you have to confront how you are feeling and work out the best way of dealing with it.

Good luck.

The most important thing to realise is that you aren't special...

Everyone, to a greater or lesser extent, experiences exactly the same kind of problems. We all feel like shit at times, we all struggle to get to grips with stuff, we all feel small and hopeless and useless, we all feel scared and worried.

I've no clever solutions, no 'do this and you'll be fine' suggestions, but appreciate that most of what you are feeling is just life in all its infuriating depressing shitty glory.

In addition, realise that the way you feel is not a fixed thing, not set in stone, and you can change it; you can, with some practise talk yourself out of thinking in a bad way or about bad things.

You might need a little help at first, so don't be shy about seeing your GP, but see this as a temporary thing and eminently a fixable one.

Good words from folk there especially from Crikey

?sounds like stress to me and bike riding is my stress buster. Releases endorphins and burns up the adrenaline that stress releases but has nowhere to go as you have no tiger to run away from.

Combine a hard fast ride with a bit of navel contemplating

Hey Mark, you could always give me a bell and we can go out for a drink. I could tell you about my problems. That would make you feel better!

if the bastards are actually starting to grind me down.. I run off to play with the hippies for a few days..

i go to north ronaldsay. it takes days to get there and there's fkall to do once you're there. it's magic

Could be that you are suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, as it kicks in about this time of year for us Northern hemisphere dwellers. Can leave you unable to handle things as well as you normally would, extra fatigue etc.
Lots of good advice and feedback on here, but I suggest you take up naked hula hooping.

Pizza. Doesn't solve every problem, but it fixes a fair few.

Failing that, a week up in the north of Scotland in the winter, away from it all (seriously).

**UPDATE**

So often these threads never get any sort of closure so here goes 🙂

A month on and I have heeded some of the advice given. I have made the conscience decision to make more [i]ME Time[/i] I have ridden a lot more started hitting the gym again and am starting to have more belief in myself again.

So thank you to all that posted up stuff.

Love the Alice in Wonderland example 😀

I think to completely stop me feeling like I did in my original post again will take time but hopefully heading in the right direction.

So thank you.

Mark