I'm being Santa tonight at the school fare - need some decent patter - anyone recall some killer Claus quotes?
"Come and sit on my knee, big boy"
Tried that last year, but knee-sitting is outlawed.
'I'll check if the factory in China still exists and get back to you'
"Yes, I agree, she is quite a foxy elf. Do you want to see some pictures of her with Prancer & Dancer?" 😈
pretty sure I'm getting a new thomson stem and some easton haven carbon bars from santa.
could get expensive if you start promising that to every kid though 🙂
Dave
Stand there while I empty my full sack .
Look at this - isnt that the purplest thing youve ever seen?
I believe "ho ho ho" is traditional.
see that's the problem - all the funny stuff is likely to get me dragged outside by the parents for a beating.
Isnt it the law that santas are blotto?
I'm gonna come down your chimney and fill your stockings.
"and in order to get your gifts to you, I'll need mummy's phone number..."
I think his exact words were "it's almost impossible to go for a p1ss in this f***ing costume".
Just announce you're wearing stockings & suspenders under the santa outfit
he liked my "MO" when I met him last week! 😯
It actually [i]is[/i] a banana! You can imagine my relief. 😛
I organised a Christmas event once and got a bloke from work to be Santa.
A few of his classics were
Santa "What would you like Christmas"
Little girl "Can i have a bike please"
Santa "Hmmm i don't have any bikes, but i do know quite a few"
Little boy walks in with an Aston villa shirt on
Santa "Right you can bugger off"
Little girl walks in and is very shy
Mother (looking apologetic) "Don't you want to sit on Santa's lap?"
Santa "Oh don't worry, your mum can sit on my lap instead"
It was a miracle we didn't have any complaints, but it was nothing compared to when we got him to be the easter bunny!
"I Luv Your Mum"