[Closed] What would you do? (another parent at the school gate content)

why is it 'this shit'?

As a society we've got used to tutting and walking off. I just don't think that's going to be acceptable in future. Mobile phone usage / parking on the zig zags is a different matter but if we can't get better at dealing with those sorts of confrontations, when it comes to the big ones, we're screwed.

Do what's right, not what's easy.

Nope, white - just checked back through the pictures I sent to the school. Not sure on the signs though – I would need to check on that.

White ZZs don't need signs to be enforced, so you're good. Yellow ones do.

Yeah. I believe that when someone does something like pick up the phone while driving or park in in a disabled bay they know they are doing something wrong, so they quickly craft a little narrative which justifies their actions (at least in their own head).

I think some do, and I'm guessing thats what you've mostly come across, but I do think it's really difficult to evaluate what is a reactionary made up exuse and what is a genuinely 'about to pop' reaction from x,y and z happening in their lives.

If it's the latter, I think it's better to fake empathy to get your point across than challenge and accuse. In any case, the outcome is the same, he's doing something wrong and should be told not to by someone of authority (be that law or social)

So the guy driving through the school car park on his phone is just being a tosser, knows it, but if you challenge him about it you are jeapordising his marriage, or his career or whatever his excuse was that day.

Over thinking this or lots of experience?

Anyway if you're bothered about it you need to speak to the guy, stand up for what you believe in, don't hide behind the police or school. Fair enough if your chat doesn't make a difference but that's the right thing to do surely?

To many people complain about things and expect others to sort it out.

Gary_M

So the guy driving through the school car park on his phone is just being a tosser, knows it, but if you challenge him about it you are jeapordising his marriage, or his career or whatever his excuse was that day.

Over thinking this or lots of experience?

Depressingly the latter. Parking his car in the disabled bay in front of the gym [i]"I can't park anywhere else or my doors will get scratched"[/i]

Parking her new Audi in the parent and child spaces - [i]"My daughter is in the shop, and my trolley (full of booze) is too heavy to push any further. [/i]

Letting his giant dog shit on the door step of a shop I worked in - [i]"I don't have a ****ing plastic bag do I?"[/i]

Taxi driver in the parent and child - [i]"I'm picking up my disabled daughter, who is with her daughter...I know where you live. Mind your own business dickhead".[/i]

and so on, and so on. I've pretty much given up now because it's only a matter of time until it results in violence.

theotherjonv
why is it 'this shit'?

Because if you want to discuss Brexit I am guessing maybe, just maybe, there are other threads where it has already been mentioned. And furthermore the benchmark for a racist or xenophobe (which is another way of saying racist) on STW is anyone who opposes the complete dissolution of of all national borders and completely free movement of any and all people globally. Whilst I support this utopian concept it is massively flawed in a practical sense. PS I voted remain.

Because if you want to discuss Brexit

I don't (not here at least) - but it's a valid point that we're going to all have to get better at challenging the unacceptable behaviours that we encounter, whether that be bad parking or major issues like racism.

And furthermore the benchmark for a racist or xenophobe (which is another way of saying racist) {no, it isn't BTW} on STW is anyone who opposes the complete dissolution of of all national borders and completely free movement of any and all people globally. Whilst I support this utopian concept it is massively flawed in a practical sense. PS I voted remain.

Not in my book it isn't. In my case it was challenging the bloke who was saying it was a good thing that all the Poles would now get sent home.

But this isn't about Brexit or definitions of racism so let's leave that one. It's about everyone growing a pair and standing up for what's right, not what's easiest or least likely to get the other party offended.

If you do have an interaction with him, however it goes, and you subsequently report him then he'll know it came from you. Plus life's too short to waste time on inconsiderate prats.

There is a height based one; under 12 and under 135cm you have to use a childseat. Above either and you don't. So while there isn't specifically a rule about too young to be in the front; if they're too young there's also a reasonable probability that they're too short, in which case they can be nabbed for not being in a seat.

Blah blah bollocks. You're defending a faulty premise using waffle.

A child can be in the front seat from birth, in the right seat. So how the flip can you be too young?

Anyway, the Police are not permitted to measure your child. If you say they're big enough, there isn't much they can do. It relies on parents being good parents.

I thought Jonv's "b" word was "bigotry" TBH, not brexit...

If you're 6'4, 18 stone and have a hard look about you then you'll probably not get much blow back when you correct someone. If you're fun sized and look bookish expect to get threatened.

I'm 5'9 and "bookish". And when the situation requires it, I'm always the one to tell people to be quiet in the cinema, get off their phones in the car, stop swearing in front of my kids on the train, whatever.

I've never been abused, threatened or assaulted. In actual fact, most people apologise. Case in point; group of teenagers on the train being loud and sweary. I've got my 8 year-old with me. "Oi lads, can you not swear please? There are kids on here." "OK sorry mate." "No problem".

We're not a violent society. A slightly thoughtless dad, yakking on his phone while behind the wheel of his Range Rover, is not going to get out and punch anyone. He just needs telling. And I bet he'd never do it again 🙂

Depressingly the latter. Parking his car in the disabled bay in front of the gym "I can't park anywhere else or my doors will get scratched"

Parking her new Audi in the parent and child spaces - "My daughter is in the shop, and my trolley (full of booze) is too heavy to push any further.

Letting his giant dog shit on the door step of a shop I worked in - "I don't have a ****ing plastic bag do I?"

Taxi driver in the parent and child - "I'm picking up my disabled daughter, who is with her daughter...I know where you live. Mind your own business dickhead".

and so on, and so on. I've pretty much given up now because it's only a matter of time until it results in violence.

Yeah - selfish adults were selfish kids, and are well practised in the art of childish defensiveness. The defensive person is trying to derail you from the principle with excuses and obfuscation. The way to deal with defensiveness is to utterly refuse to be drawn into it.

"Oh come on - we're adults aren't we? Just clean up after your dog. Thanks."

The art is not to try to "win" an encounter with a dickhead. You can't. Just make your point and walk away. Just by raising the matter and requesting they rectify it, you've planted a seed and most people will think twice before doing the same behaviour again.

DPD aren't going to bother putting the parcels on the van. As per usual

"SORRY, YOU WEREN'T IN WHEN YOU SAID. CU AT DEPOT, lol"

Havent read all the posts, so excuse me if this is being covered.

Mention to school - with your specific concerns. Ask them to send email to parents advising them that checks (no need to be specific on what kind!) are likely to be carried out in the area about driving standards especially in the school vicinity. These will target issues such as speeding, mobile phone usage, child seating etc.

"While we are confident that all parents behave in a responsible matter, we felt that it was worth bringing this initiative to your attention." or concluding words to that effect.

@scottchegg

I was using 'too young' as a pragmatic assessment rather than a legal one. As i said if the parent's responsible enough to insist they use a booster seat there's also IMHO a higher probability that it'd be in the back seat. The parents the criticism was aimed at are the ones who DGAF about either.

Didn't know the police can't measure your child's height though. Maybe they need those theme park stick things in their patrol cars.

I've never been abused, threatened or assaulted. In actual fact, most people apologise. Case in point; group of teenagers on the train being loud and sweary. I've got my 8 year-old with me. "Oi lads, can you not swear please? There are kids on here." "OK sorry mate." "No problem".

This. I'm not exactly a Man Mountain myself, but even when i confronted a sweary 'bigot' at the football many years ago as a weedy student over his behaviour, there were several around me perfectly happy to back me up but who weren't brave enough to address it first.

Being realistic - I don't think I'd be brave enough to be Tianamen square tank boy, I wouldn't go to the local EDL meeting on my own and call them out over their views. But 1-1, in a public place, absolutely. Even if it does make you a bit scared, collectively we have to start to do it because letting it go unchallenged implies acceptance.

Even if it does make you a bit scared, collectively we have to start to do it because letting it go unchallenged implies acceptance.

Agreed

So another question - what do you do/say to the parent that nearly takes one of your kids out as they swerved violently onto the pavement (almost 3/4s onto the path) as they attempt to abandon their car (incidentally on a corner/solid white line).

I felt like using lots of foul language but only managed to throw my arms up and shake my head like a good middle class/middle aged bloke this morning.

👿

One of the mums at the school was complaining to me yesterday about getting a parking ticket, whilst outside the school,on zigzags. When I told her I was glad ,she walked away. I wonder if she'll speak today. 🙂

surprised no-one has suggested this.

[img] [/img]

franksinatra
surprised no-one has suggested this.

I'm 5'9 and "bookish". And when the situation requires it, I'm always the one to tell people to be quiet in the cinema, get off their phones in the car, stop swearing in front of my kids on the train, whatever.

As shy students aged 18 and 19, one female member of our group got some unwanted attention (verbal only) on a train from a drunken lout. All us lads had no idea what to do, but a guy who must've been over 60 stepped in and politely told the guy to leave, which he did.

It's not about how big you are.

a guy who must've been over 60 stepped in and politely told the guy to leave, which he did.

Did he look like this 😉

[img] [/img]

hebdencyclist

I'm 5'9 and "bookish". And when the situation requires it, I'm always the one to tell people to be quiet in the cinema, get off their phones in the car, stop swearing in front of my kids on the train, whatever.

I've never been abused, threatened or assaulted.

molgrips

As shy students aged 18 and 19, one female member of our group got some unwanted attention (verbal only) on a train from a drunken lout. All us lads had no idea what to do, but a guy who must've been over 60 stepped in and politely told the guy to leave, which he did.

It must be a Belfast thing but if I had to [i]ssshhhhh[/i] a bunch of teenagers in the cinema I would fully expect a brawl, or double their number to be waiting for me outside. Perhaps we have a different class of scumbag.

My point wasn't that folks should sit meekly and accept crap from inconsiderate members of society, just that if you interject often enough, eventually things will turn nasty so don't be surprised when it does.

It's not about how big you are.

I have had my fair share of confrontations whilst standing up for what I believe is right. The one that seems to pop up most is queuing. Once had a bit of a verbal bashing off a bloke who didn't take kindly when I pointed out that my daughter got up early, queued appropriately and every morning his daughter walked straight past mine to the front of the queue to chat to her friend. Funnily enough from that point on, they never did it again.

Anyhow, a situation happened on Saturday. My daughter was competing at a very busy competition which resulted in adults and kids queuing for upto 15 mins for each activity. I was at the back of the queue with my daughter and a lady in front of us with her son. After a couple of minutes a guy in front left the queue with a couple of kids and disappeared. 10 mins later he came back and tried to slip back into line in front of us. Woman pointed out back of queue and the guy absolutely snapped back at her. He had just left to have a quick look at something (10mins) and he was with this other guy who then turned around and had another pop at the woman. Woman looked shocked and turned and gave me a knowing look. I SAID NOTHING.

Then the two blokes at once started on me saying the same things and stepping towards me. I was pretty sick by this point so I saw red and pointed out that a single woman may not want to cause a scene to 2 blokes but I was very keen to sort it out and if they thought being aggressive to a woman was appropriate then they need to look at themselves. Finished it with stepping towards both of them who thankfully went red and turned their backs. My daughter found it very funny.

Not something I like to do but it seems to be happening much more frequently these days because I personally feel that the general public are a load of knobs tbh

The problem with our society is it is no longer a society. It's individuals looking out for themselves and screw everyone else who happens to be within the vicinity. That's how it feels to me anyway. I hope I'm wrong but I don't think I am.

The problem with our society is it is no longer a society. It's individuals looking out for themselves and screw everyone else who happens to be within the vicinity.

I agree, and at the risk of labouring the point I don't see it improving unless as a society we start to push back against those elements. And that starts with individuals doing what's right.

That's what it can and often does feel like. It is more and more of a surprise to me when people "do the right thing" than don't.

That said, i had an amusing and interesting 'altercation' with a motorist this morning. I knocked on her window and she instantly had that 'WHAT!' look on her face (I don't know what she was doing wrong, but assume she must've been)

She wound down the window and i said 'if I called you Little Miss Sunshine would you have a clue what I'm on about?'

'You what?' she said. And then it dawned on her as I passed her the Little Miss Sunshine lidded coffee mug thing that was miraculously still on her roof where she'd put it before leaving home this morning. A smile, a wave and hopefully a motorist who doesn't think cyclists are ****s, whereas all the other motorists in the same queue as her had ignored it.

You have a phone? it has a camera (or looks like it might)? Film him (or pretend to), point to the phone, smile and give him a thumbs up.

The problem with our society is it is no longer a society. It's individuals looking out for themselves and screw everyone else who happens to be within the vicinity. That's how it feels to me anyway. I hope I'm wrong but I don't think I am.

Yep, started from late 70's onwards where equality was far better and people were generally happier. Wonder what political changes happened from the 1980's onwards that would have brought about a selfish, money obsessed country?

Was it this guy?

[img] ?w=620&q=55&auto=format&usm=12&fit=max&s=4b21ba0755a89ffec4ddc8424fc1cd34[/img]

Did they go to the back of the queue TheLittlestHobo?

[quote=Mister P ]The problem with our society is it is no longer a society. It's individuals looking out for themselves and screw everyone else who happens to be within the vicinity. That's how it feels to me anyway. I hope I'm wrong but I don't think I am.

There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families.

As the saying goes: 'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.'

Confront him. Leave him in no doubt you'll report him if you see a repeat. Follow through if necessary.

If as individuals we start to look out for each other then maybe we can reverse that decline.

It was actually on a radio article I listened to yesterday as well.... about bullying in the workplace, where the conclusion was that if you see it but don't do something about it then you're effectively condoning it and would be treated as such.

Which got me to thinking about Savile as well, where everyone 'knew' but everyone assumed it was someone else's job to deal with it. Because it would be 'hard' to do it themselves.

Common theme here about the need to step up ..........

mitsumonkey - no they ddnt. TBH I was more bothered about two blokes being aggressive to a woman than he pushing in.

Actually in the other situation they didn't go to the back either. Bt they didn't quee jump everagain so mayb its just knobs realising they were knobs after the event but not able to admit it when confronted. I bet there is a lot of that

From the other parent/parking/school thread.

duckman
My Dad was assaulted by a guy because he objected to a woman parking IN his drive while she waited for her kids. She came back the next day with hubby who broke my 76 yo Dad's collar bone. Birkhill Primary in Birkhill by Dundee for the Google street view. My old man was the local Vicar so unlikely to have been too confrontational. Some people are a-holes.