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My sons at mine for a week he's 12, it seems that unless i hang out with him or take him somewhere he's bored.
He has no friends here as he goes to school 30 miles away at his moms house.
My dilemma really is that my parents (im 46) didnt ferry me anywhere i made my own entertainment, so are kids different now? I try to encourage independence in him but his mom is overprotective.
Annoys me.
My sons at mine for a week he's 12, it seems that unless i hang out with him or take him somewhere he's bored.
Forgive me if I'm making assumptions as to why he's with you for a week and ordinarily 30 miles away, but isn't hanging out with him what this time is for?
(This is not meant to sound like a criticism if it does).
my parents (im 46) didnt ferry me anywhere i made my own entertainment,
Times have changed. I don't know if you've noticed but you don't see kids on the streets anymore. Nobody could have the childhood now that we had. I don't know how you'd even start to change that either.
Plenty kids playing outdoors here and everywhere I seem to go!
And what's with "mom"?
He's just in a different environment, he'll be quite happy doing nothing and will find something to do if he wants. Maybe the issue is that you're just not used to him?
...so are kids different now?... his mom is overprotective.
I think this is the big difference in kids these days.
When I was 12 I'd regularly be off with my mates all day. Sadly the media-fed paranoia of paedos, child abductors, knife gangs and drugs on every street corner means parents (understandably) don't give kids that freedom any more and often end up ferrying them from one pre-canned activity to the next.
Not sure what the answer is, but it probably involves bikes.
(And dens, climbing trees, mischief, jumpers for goalposts...)
He has a bike at yours? Get him what the kids have at the local skate park. Soon make friends
Get him what the kids have at the local skate park.
Marijuana and BO?
Im at work some of the week hence he'll have to amuse himself, my wife is disabled so unable to ferry him around too much.
Me and his mom have split up she moved away with him.
He's got scooter, bike , skateboard just lacking imagination
Do you live in the USA?
Usa?
Er no.
Or to quote Mr Milliband
Hell no!!
Mum.
Minecraft. Problem solved. Admittedly you've started a whole new problem but I can only deal with one problem at a time.
Everyone says mom here, South Staffs.
If you're at work then fair enough. Books, films?
In that case everyone in South Staffs is wrong.
Maybe use your superior imagination to inspire him....
Times have changed. I don't know if you've noticed but you don't see kids on the streets anymore. Nobody could have the childhood now that we had. I don't know how you'd even start to change that either.
I do. Send him out to play and leave him at it.
Also visit living streets, Tim gill and grounds for learning.
Well I'll empathise with you OP...daughter here whose 9 and is struggling already on 2nd day of hols: played Monopoly Empire, watched movie (Teen Beach Movie), sent out to buy her lunch from convenience store, cooking later etc but as soon as we stop suggesting stuff, is then bored 🙄
Her brother (12) took the tactical decision to clear off around his friend's house 😐
He's got scooter, bike , skateboard just lacking imagination
here's the problem, buy him a knife so he can at least play with the other kids.
Give them a chance to be bored and after a while they'll go find something fun to do.
kids aren't allowed enough down time - let them have it.
Times have changed. I don't know if you've noticed but you don't see kids on the streets anymore. Nobody could have the childhood now that we had. I don't know how you'd even start to change that either.
Well you could start by changing your perception. My youngest has been out all day except for he lunch, my eldest was out earlier. When I was walking the dog there was loads of kids out.
^crispin has it. Let them be bored. It is painful, but you only learn creativity by being bored - and the wider mental health benefits of it as massive for teens/tweens...
Furthermore they also need to get tired (physically, not sleep) on a regular basis, as this is great for them physcially and mentally.
And they also could do with getting cold regularly, as this mahoooosively boosts the teen immune system.
So all our kids need to be bored, cold and tired. It is good for them 8)
You might not see kids out, but they are there. In my street they are out every evening during BST if the weather's not too bad.
I have to agree with op here. But as for parents being worried about letting kids out I reckon it has as much to do with Internet, iPads and games consoles. My 2 can happily spend entire holidays just sitting in and watching you tube or shouting at there school mates over the gaming headset things. I have no major problem with them running wild outdoors as I did but they end up coming home half hour later sometimes as no one else is out!! Or the few things my eldest ends up doing are vilified by the authorities. He likes the free running but as it's an urban activity most of these places object ardently to kids jumping over there walls and street furniture ect so there a seen as a menace. The same for bmx as we have no skatepark or other facilities so again their closed down by the security or proprietors of the town.
I used to fish loads as a kid.... But never paid a fortune for the privilege but you try to just nip down to the local lakes which are all syndicate owned now for a couple of hours. We played footy from dawn to dusk at our local pitches but now the groundsman is out like a shot to shoe them off so they just have a local park with grass 3" high and dog s..t everywhere. Same for tennis, cricket and all number of other sports that we could use facilities without getting turfed off in seconds.
It seems like there's so much to do these days with special facilities that we never had when I was young but very little to do that cost nothing or doesn't involve being driven to or picked up from.
I'm sure someone will be along in a mo to tell me how wrong I am but that's how I see it?
Do they have soccer moms down in south staffs ?
😆
It's mom in the Midlands, mam in the north, mum in the south. Get used to it cockneys. 😉
Too right. I'll never buy a Mother's Day card that says Mum on it. And that's not easy.
I was one of six kids, one of the reasons we spent so much time outside, was that my parents were very much a part of the pub culture of the day. The rest of the time they were working.
They really didn't apply themselves to parenting in the same way modern parents often do.
That is why over a period of time we developed our own interests.
marijuana and BO
Sounds like you're being overprotective.
Not at all, the latter part of my formative years were spent in a heady mix of marijuana and BO.
And that's why I'm a software engineer 😀
Take the week off. Did you not know he was coming?
South Staffs? That's near Cannock innit? Go hire some bikes.
Mum in my part of the Midlands fwiw
When I was growing up I went to stay at my paternal grandparents quite regularly.I didn't have the confidence to bowl up to kids in the village and say "can I play". So ,i spent alot of time mooching by the river, reading ,wordsearch mags, walking and bored. 🙂
Pre computers obviously.
In no way trying to make you feel bad , but, He wants to be with his Dad.Can you not take a day or two off and show him how you would occupy your time. Give him a task to do to fill the hours you have to work-garden clearance/model to make maybe -My grandad had me out at dawn catching moles!
My grandad had me out at dawn catching moles!
I have no animus against moles, but this is rad. 🙂
It's mom in the Midlands, mam in the north, mum in the south. Get used to it cockneys.
Only the uneducated can't differentiate between the spoken and written vernacular 😉
Only the uneducated can't differentiate between the spoken and written vernacular
I like this 🙂
(dunno what it means thou sounds good...)
Get him what the kids have at the local skate park.
Marijuana and BO?
And a rather blue vocabulary...
DrP
go out in the morning and ride bikes
does he play an instrument ? get him a really cheap guitar
get him to cook for you
Kids don't see being bored as a good thing - whereas it's a skill worth learning to embrace I reckon.
With kids having access to everything they want/need entertainment wise (for the most part) in seconds via the internet they just need to get used to waiting for stuff.
It's not his fault, just let him be bored and he'll soon get used to it - or work out how to amuse himself
Dare I say this?
Rather than blaming "Kids these days" could this be a lack of parental imagination?
I know it's easy enough to plonk them in front of some internet-enabled device and let that entertain them for a bit, we've all done it,
But, given your circumstances, if you want your kid to go out and do stuff and there's no other kids for them to hang about with, you are going to have to come up with some activities to do with him yourself.
It doesn't have to involve travelling miles or anything particularly complicated, got a park nearby? or a Garden, have a kick about, fly a kite, ride a bike...
If you have to work, especially if the weather's shite, leave him a bit a of a project to do while you are out, get him an airfix kit to assemble or a model castle kit and you help him paint it later...
You really want him to be keen and excited waiting for you to come home and show him stuff, but it doesn't just magically happen, you have to provide a bit of positive input...
What's sort of stuff is he into? try and find some activities that can cross over with his interests, however tenuous the link might seem...
The last thing you want is for your son to associate visiting his Dad with simply being bored... That way lies future resentment and hostility...
mate... it's pretty easy to see who he inherited his lack of imagination from!
I wonder how annoying he finds you?
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The thing that bugs me about modern parenting is the solution these days is to take them somewhere to have fun. Kids are bored, take them to a play centre. Kids are bored, take them to the cinema. Kids are bored, take them somewhere that you have to pay for.
It infuriates me tbh. We have 2 kids and tend to share childcare through the holidays with other family memebers with children of similar age. The kids come to us, they play outside (We bought our house specifically because it had a huge grass area outside for the younger kids to play), they play on bikes, they play on roller blades etc etc. They get fed at lunch time, my wife keeps an eye on them and sometimes allows the groups that naturally form to come into the back garden and the kids can play whatever they fancy.
If my kids go to their cousins house it always, and I mean always ends in them visiting some attraction of some ilk. Little hobo's come home full of sweets and how amazing some overpriced 60mins of fun is.
My lad is now 12 so he doesn't always want to spend time with his younger cousins so I have finally let him have a phone and can disappear for a few hours with his pals (Pals he has had for most of his life). I got the privaledge of looking after him by myself all of yesterday.
9am - Swimming for 2hours at local pool
11am - football in back garden for 1hr
12 am - lunch
1pm - he went to his room for a couple of hours
3pm - We brought his xbox down and hooked it up to the big tv and had a couple of hours playing
5pm - Pizza time
6pm - Mum and sister came home
It wasn't the norm of a day but it was great fun to have just me and him time all day.
er hang on guys - I'm gonna defend the OP here, teenage lads are seriously hard work to entertain, I know I was !! especially as his usual mates may not be around
tell him to do his homework 😀 he'll soon find entertainment
No they are not, like every child they like to manipulate.
My teenage boys start by claiming they are bored and being 'seriously difficult to entertain'. I tell them to do one and find something to do.
Yesterday afternoon was spent making bows and arrows and lighting a fire in the woods.
Get your play face on.
matt_outandabout - Member^crispin has it. Let them be bored. It is painful, but you only learn creativity by being bored - and the wider mental health benefits of it as massive for teens/tweens...
Furthermore they also need to get tired (physically, not sleep) on a regular basis, as this is great for them physcially and mentally.
And they also could do with getting cold regularly, as this mahoooosively boosts the teen immune system.
So all our kids need to be bored, cold and tired. It is good for them
oooh, and another one. They need to do big physical work as well, to develop proprioceptive sense.
like every child they like to manipulate
Er.. yeah.. what a lovely outlook you must have on family life...
Its actually quite healthy for kids to be bored. They need it as part of their development. It helps their their imagination and creativity, which is seriously suffering because parents constantly seem to feel the need to entertain them. Its not doing them any favours, long term.
As for not having the same childhood as we had. Why the hell not? My kids disappear off into the woods behind our house for hours with their mates, building dens, and rope swings, playing football, and only reappear (usually covered in mud) to be (frequently) fed. Or they'll sit drawing or reading for hours.
There childhood seems pretty much identical to mine, except when they get in later, theres a better choice of telly
With kids having access to everything they want/need entertainment wise (for the most part) in seconds via the internet they just need to get used to waiting for stuff.
I remember my grandad droning on about how there was no TV in his day, and how they had to make their own entertainment.
Plus ca change...
It's mom in the Midlands, mam in the north, mum in the south. Get used to it cockneys
Balls! I grew up in Leicester but have lived in Yorkshire for the past 15/20 years. It's mum, Fact!
😉
Airgun. That'll keep occupied until he discovers motorbikes or girls (or both).