once i was riding and i fell off wrecked my hand annnd fell in sloppy wet poop, was HORRID, i feel your pain.

I've just spotted the irony of the OP & first posters names. 🙂

Having sloppy poo fired off your back wheel and all over your frame, shorts and camelbak isn't nice. And I once found a small, perfectly formed Tony Blair had found it's way into the mesh of my camelbak too. Nasty.

Ewwww!
Touch wood not had the turd smell for quite a while. Saying that on Sunday I was shit upon. Ridig down a lane and a pheasant hen was at the side of a hedge. Obviously spooked it as it flew up vertically shitting on my legs, shorts and shoulder. Must've had a curry the night before too I reckon.

You've never lived until you've fell in poo.

Have some flicked in your face off your mates rear wheel, now that's grim.

You should've fallen into MrNutt's thread.

Kid at Aston Hill once managed to get crap inside his full face helmet... mmmmmmhh.

Having sloppy poo fired off your back wheel and all over your frame, shorts and camelbak isn't nice. And I once found a small, perfectly formed Tony Blair had found it's way into the mesh of my camelbak too. Nasty.

managed to flick a whole dog jobbie off the back wheel onto the saddle, sit in it, smear it around with my arse, then rub it into my gloves. ruined my day. 🙁

Riding through a cornfield years ago, a friend rode through a great pile of crap, spraying it over himself. He muttered '****ing dogs' to which I responded, 'clever dogs, there's the paper they wiped their arse on!'
I then rode off to the sound of retching...

That awkward moments as you're flying through the air, spotting your landing and seeing the biggest fly ridden cowpat ever. And being utterly helpless to avoid the inevitable 😳
Picking yourself up to see your friends on the floor laughing is no consolation......

imagine how I felt riding home from work along a path and feeling something cold on my face

Not quite the same but,

I got roped into mowing my then-girlfriend's lawn a while back.

When I say "mowing", what I really mean is attempting to use a lame-ass strimmer to hack through a front garden full of heavy-duty grass and assorted rocks. Heavy going.

Anyway, I was strimming away when I felt splashes on my face. I looked up to see if it was raining, and was met with sun and blue skies. So I looked down, and realised with a kind of creeping horror that I'd just strimmed through a slug.

last week i decided to do some exploring along the grand union canal heading out of london, somewhere around hounslow i spotted sweet looking trail heading off into the bushes - was about to cycle in and saw what looked like a large pile of human faeces, convinced i was wrong started to pedal over only to be shouted at by an angry hobo telling me to **** out of his toilet!

When I was 16, I had built a ramp out of pallets on a local car park and was convincing my mates to lie down so I could jump my Rockhopper Comp (complete with 150mm stem and 450mm bars!) over them. On one run up, some dog turd flew off my wheel and went in my eye! Managed to land the jump (7 people I think) and then rode a mile home in agony panicing whilst recalling that you could go blind from the parasites in it.

Several pints of optrex later I went back and managed to clear 13 (oh the joys of youth!)

perfectly formed Tony Blair

😆 😆 😆 😆

It had also managed to smear itself all over the inside of my 3/4 shorts.

are you sure you are telling us the whole story? Maybe ewe had quite a fright when you tumbled

My brother gets the back end sliding out on cow turds to splash those of us behind him.

When I see cow shit coming I just put the brakes on a stay back now.

I got roped into mowing my then-girlfriend's lawn a while back.

When I say "mowing", what I really mean is attempting to use a lame-ass strimmer to hack through a front garden full of heavy-duty grass and assorted rocks. Heavy going.

Anyway, I was strimming away when I felt splashes on my face. I looked up to see if it was raining

So many euphemisms...

I once had a Rottweiler vomit all over my face as I lay on my back playing tug-o-teatowel with it.

Cougar, genius.

I ran over a dog turd as a kid with my rear wheel. Not moist enough to stick to the tyre, it was flung on top of my head and not realising what it was I swiped to remove it, smearing it all over my hair and hand. Minging.

When I was a little kid I was walking along a low wall and just as I was about to jump off the end I had this conversation
My Dad: 'Watch out for the dog poo'
Me (in mid air): 'What dog poo?'
*splat*... 🙁

Dogshit on your kneecap doesn't sound that bad to me, certainly no worse than the dogshit I discovered on my water bottle as I drunk from it.

I know someone who as a result of the guy in front of him skidding on the festering putrid remains of a dead fox, received a dollop of it as it flicked up and landed on his front teeth - presumably he had been grinning as they were hurtling along. It was all made worse by the fact that the geezer is a staunch and committed vegetarian.

So many euphemisms...

I never noticed that. Oops. (-:

Best. Thread. Ever.

Brilliant thread - but the 3rd comment is my fave

takisawa2 - Member
I've just spotted the irony of the OP & first posters names.

Whats the best kind of poo to ride through? A walnut whip? Maybe a Stonehenge? Or perhaps a white dry stone walled type?
Discuss.......

best poo to ride through? defiantly a 70's dog poo - crumbly see, they just brush off

This is a good video about poo.

EDIT: vid not embedding for me. Try this link: [url=

SFW bar a couple of naughty words.

Dog poo on the glove is always a bad one. It is only one slip of the memory away from being whiped across your face.

My Brother in Law had a poo/bottle interface and spotted it whilst taking a drink. For many months afterwards the whole traumatic affair was known as "The incident that we will not mention".

The bottle didn't make it past the next trail side bin.

Just the other week I had some poo flick up onto my glove, the terry toweling part where you wile your nose. I didn't realise this until I needed to wipe my nose. I managed to wipe a dirty sanchez over my top lip. That wasn't the best feeling. Luckily we were near a lake so I managed to wash my face and glove the smell didn't go away properly until the next day, I must have got some up my nose.

Brings back the memory of when I was riding at night and got that familiar splatter on the face. I very soon realised it was not mud but a very moist dog egg some of which was now lodged under my right nostril!

The pungent aroma seem to linger in my nose for days!!

I have since become an avid poo spotter.

Karl Pilkington always has a great view on the world.....

willjones I was cracking up over that. Brilliant vid.

avid poo spotter

Well their brakes are quite good 😆

Nice one Rossi, didn't spot that!

excellent vid too! shaking like a ****ting dog in corner at work now with laughter!

Glad to be of service 😉

Just found this one- comedy gold!!!!

[url= http://www.flowgo.com/funny/2623_my-runaway-poo.html ]Runaway Poo[/url]

I got rushed to hospital as a child for urgent knee operation (metal object/knee interface). As it was an emergency my parents had to take me to (shudders at the memory) the local state hospital.

I leapt out of bed one morning to land splat on a big jobbie, fell on my arse, got it all over me. Don't remember being that traumatised, kids don't really care, and at least that got the nurses attention.

A long time ago I was out riding on my own, and as I came off the road and into the woods there was a gate with space to ride round the side. As I went round the gate I spot a large dog egg directly in my path, which I skilfully managed to avoid with my [i]front[/i] wheel....

(At this point I should mention it was a hard, dusty surface. Think 'a dusting of flour to stop the pastry stiking as you roll it')

...... anyhow, my back wheel must have hit said large turd dead centre and lifted it wholesale off the dusty floor and ejected it just past top dead centre, i.e. towards my head.

I saw, felt, and smelled this turd fly within an inch of my left ear as it looped gracefully over my shoulder, and watched in slow motion as it just missed my hand and landed next to my front wheel.

That was VERY close, was that.